The Week of October 11th in Streaming: Everybody Has a Terrible Coping Mechanism

This week, television would like to discuss healthy methods for processing trauma. Just kidding. Vision is consulting genocidal AI in his head. Jason Voorhees is getting an origin story. The firefighters of 9-1-1 are responding to another emergency requiring the National Guard. Grey’s Anatomy refuses to close. And somehow, nobody is coping.

Here is what is arriving this week, sorted by how urgently everyone involved needs a therapist.

Sunday, October 11th gives us Treasure Island (MGM+/Paramount+), a gritty reimagining of Robert Louis Stevenson’s classic novel starring David Oyelowo as Captain Flint and Hayley Atwell as Anne Bonny, alongside Jack Huston, Tomer Capone, and Tom Sweet. This is a swashbuckling adventure about pirates pursuing legendary treasure, which means television has apparently decided that the best way to escape from Ultron and Jason Voorhees is to sail directly into maritime chaos.

Vibe: Pirates have arrived to provide a refreshing change of pace from androids consulting their genocidal parent figures.

Monday, October 12th offers Clown Panic (Hulu, documentary), which revisits the bizarre 2016 phenomenon where Americans became genuinely terrified of clowns appearing in their neighborhoods for no discernible reason. A decade later, Hulu is asking what possessed an entire nation to lose its collective mind over costumed performers, and the documentary apparently looks disturbingly cinematic while doing it—which is to say that revisiting mass panic about clowns is somehow being framed as prime Halloween viewing.

Vibe: America’s strangest collective paranoia gets a documentary treatment right before Thanksgiving. Sleep well.

Tuesday, October 13th brings Tyson (Netflix, four-part documentary series), a raw examination of Mike Tyson’s life, career, and the “dark side” he’s spent decades confronting. Netflix has assembled a documentary that forces Tyson to reckon with his past while simultaneously exploring what it costs to be that angry, that talented, and that capable of destruction. This is considerably less cheerful than most Tuesday-night options, but considerably more honest.

Vibe: A former heavyweight champion confronts the cost of greatness, which is not traditionally what you want right before bed on a Tuesday.

Wednesday, October 14th finally gives us the week’s first enormous arrival with VisionQuest (Disney+, limited-series premiere), bringing Paul Bettany’s Vision back after spending five years doing the android equivalent of finding himself. He’s hiding from people who want to weaponize him while consulting the AI personalities embedded in his programming—J.A.R.V.I.S., F.R.I.D.A.Y., E.D.I.T.H., and, somewhat alarmingly, Ultron. James Spader returns as the homicidal AI who once tried to eliminate humanity, which feels like discovering your therapist also employs the person who previously tried to murder you.

Then a bounty is placed on Vision’s head and a mysterious boy shows up who may be his reincarnated son. Marvel has taken an android in crisis, filled his head with genocidal voices, possibly resurrected his dead child, and called it VisionQuest.

Vibe: Your computer needs therapy, except one of the voices in its head is Ultron.

Thursday, October 15th gives us The Diplomat (Netflix, eight-episode binge), Keri Russell’s return as Kate Wyler, the U.S. ambassador navigating international crises, political intrigue, and the kind of high-stakes diplomacy that makes actual work stress feel quaint. After three days of pirates, clown panics, Mike Tyson’s reckoning, an android consulting Ultron, and a Mount Everest climb, Netflix offers you eight episodes of a woman whose job involves preventing international incidents while her personal life implodes. This is considerably more stylish than most Thursday-night options, which is to say that at least the coups look good.

Vibe: A diplomat fights international catastrophe. Somewhere, a protocol is being violated.

Friday, October 16th brings Tenzing (Apple Original Films, theatrical premiere), a Mount Everest drama about Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hillary’s historic 1953 summit. After a week containing android identity crises, Jason Voorhees’ origin story, multiple emergency services simultaneously destroying Los Angeles, and twenty-three seasons of hospital drama, television offers you ninety minutes of humans attempting to climb the world’s deadliest mountain because they believed they could.

Vibe: Two men climb a mountain. Somewhere, a therapist is taking notes.

Saturday, October 17th arrives after a week containing Ultron, Jason Voorhees’ origin story, catastrophic emergencies, federal investigations, emotionally unavailable Regency men, mass panic about clowns, and the existential crisis of an android, so television has mercifully brought you Sins of an Amish Husband (Lifetime, movie premiere)—a thriller starring Kellie Martin and Dylan Ratzlaff as a married couple navigating secrets and betrayal within their tight-knit Amish community.

This is precisely the level of domestic drama you need after Vision spent five years consulting his homicidal artificial intelligence while his reincarnated son shows up for mysterious reasons.

Vibe: A woman discovers her seemingly devout husband has a secret life. Relatively normal compared to everything else this week.

Also this week:

The Marlow Murder Club (PBS, Sunday, October 11, season three finale)
Pet Cemetery Murders: A Ghost Story (HBO, Sunday, October 11)
Below Deck (Bravo, Monday, October 12, season 13 premiere)
Helluva Boss (Prime Video, Wednesday, October 14, season three premiere)
NOVA: Evolution (PBS, Wednesday, October 14, limited-series premiere)
Love of Your Life (Prime Video, Wednesday, October 14, movie)
9-1-1 (ABC, Thursday, October 15, season 10 premiere)
9-1-1: Nashville (ABC, Thursday, October 15, season two premiere)
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC, Thursday, October 15, season 23 premiere)
Crystal Lake (Peacock, Thursday, October 15, series premiere)
The Rainmaker (USA Network, Friday, October 16, season two premiere)
Masterplan (Prime Video, Friday, October 16, movie)
Sacrifice (Netflix, Friday, October 16, movie)

This Week’s Hostage: VisionQuest

There are stronger arguments for choosing something sensible. Tenzing offers two men climbing a mountain. Crystal Lake offers Jason Voorhees’ origin story. Grey’s Anatomy offers Season 23 of a hospital that should have closed years ago.

But Vision is back. And he’s spent five years alone thinking, which is concerning.

The last time we saw White Vision, another Vision restored his memories by uploading several years of love, grief, parenthood, death, and resurrection directly into his brain. White Vision’s response was: “Oh.” Then he flew away.

Now we discover he’s been hiding while consulting the AI personalities inside himself. J.A.R.V.I.S. is there. F.R.I.D.A.Y. is there. E.D.I.T.H. is there. And Ultron is there. This is not an internal support system. This is the worst group chat imaginable.

Then somebody puts a bounty on his head and a mysterious teenager shows up who may be his reincarnated son.

There is Jason Voorhees this week. There are fires destroying Los Angeles. There is a hospital that will never close.

But Vision has Ultron living inside his head while his dead son possibly reincarnates nearby.

You are watching. I am watching. Do not listen to Ultron.