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The Final Season Begins

By Melissa McKimmey | TV | January 19, 2011 |

By Melissa McKimmey | TV | January 19, 2011 |

Well, here we are again, folks. I’d just like to thank Dustin for taking a chance on an unknown kid for these recaps. And…we begin.

No ‘previously on …’ recap, so I’ll try to recap last season briefly (ha). Bill ran for congressman and won. The family opened a casino in Nevada that Barb ran. Barb tried to kill Bill’s chances of winning the election by outing his love affair and baby with Ana, who talked Margie into marrying her boyfriend Goran, so Ana could stay in the country with the baby. Margie got a show on QVC and kissed Ben on it, which was weird. Ben got booted out of the house and went to Mexico with Lois and Frank and JoDean, which went poorly, as anything with Frank involved tends to, they got saved after Lois cut off Hollis Greene’s arm (remember that?!) Nicki was all about Bill releasing the Principle on an unsuspecting public. She totally wants to be first wife. Nicki’s ex-husband JJ showed up in town with a plan to knock up all his relatives with his children to preserve the bloodline. Adalene is the only one who stays knocked up. Nicki’s daughter Cara Lynn comes to live with the Henricksons. Sarah, Bill and Barb’s eldest, move to Portland with Scott, a guy I hated until he told Sarah her dad was kind of a tool. Wow.

We start off in the middle of the desert, listening to Bill sing. The Henricksons are camping and Bill’s busting out the campfire songs. Barb is wearing a bowler hat and a Charlie Chaplin mustache and I don’t know what that’s about. Margie’s working on the food and Nicki’s doing a card trick for the kids and hey! I see Nicki’s kids! Someone must have let them out of the closet they keep them in. It’s almost jarring to see them, as I forget Nicki and Margie have kids since they are never around. Anyway, it’s actually a nice scene, even though the smiles are a little sad and tense. I like seeing the family together. I even like Bill right now.

We get some exposition, letting us know that it’s been a week since Bill won the election and Teeny’s living with Sarah. That seems awfully fast. The family has been harassed and threatened and they went camping to wait out the initial storm. The wives and Bill are discussing the fall out an Bill insists it’ll get better and they did the right thing and there it is! My old feeling of wanting to punch Bill in the face. Ah, it’s like old times!

Margie bails for her tent and commences sobbing. Loudly. She’s crying louder than most people snore. Turns out she’s reading some tabloids and they call her a “lying jewelry hawker.” She objects to the hawker part. Then the lying part. Nicki does her best attempt at consoling, but she fails and tells Bill to deal with it because she is out of sympathy. Oh Nicki, don’t ever change.

Back at the Henrickson homestead. Wait, I thought Bill had a whole big house picked out that they could all live in together? What happened to that? Anyway, Bill’s watching the street for reporters and the whole family is reluctant to go outside. When they do, the neighbor comes over and complains about having their lawn trampled, but strangely, don’t mention the polygamy thing. Bill offers to re-seed their lawn, because he’s Bill and money solves things for him.

Henrickson Home Plus. People are quitting left and right and Don’s trying to man a sinking ship. He’s such a good right-hand man to Bill. He shouldn’t even be there, since Bill sold him out as a polygamist to save his own skin. I guess after Bill came forward Don was small potatoes. Bill tries to give a rousing speech but it’s hard to believe a lying liar. Just saying. Don gives Bill an awesome speech about what an ass he is and tells him that Bill needs to get used to the fact that his actions have consequences that hurt others. It is epic. Don is pissed and it’s about time. He tells Bill that the people talking about Bill are saying what everyone is thinking. Don is wise. Bill doesn’t deserve his loyalty.

Bill hits the capital and finds out that the Senator that sponsored him got busted the night before for a DUI and resigned. It’s unsaid, but I believe Bill drove him to drink. Bill meets the senator who is the speaker of the house and Bill tries to be slick by telling the Senator he thinks they should “come to an understanding” and the senator gives him a lecture about how no one wants him there. I’m really starting to like seeing people call Bill on his bullshit.

Bill has a town-hall meeting and gets spit on. He takes it really, really well.

Wayne gets attacked by his cub scout group. They write “polyg” on his forehead. Man, scouting sure has changed since I was a kid. Nicki finds out about this and wants Barb to go with her to fix the problem. Barb passes, figuring since Nicki wants to be first wife, she can handle it. And handle it she does when she finds the kid, acts like a school-yard bully and he accidentally runs in to a pole and loses some teeth. Yeah, I laughed. Bill gets wind of everything but Nicki’s involvement (she kept that on the DL) and they all go to a school board meeting. It starts off well enough, but eventually Bill realizes that he’s being patronized and he gets all pissy. Reporters show and take pictures, the kid Nicki confronted outs her as his tormentor and Margie tells a reporter to “fuck off.” Just another day with those wacky Henricksons!

Bill takes Nicki to the kid’s house to apologize, which she does quite sincerely. Of course, she’s quite a skilled liar, so who knows? Anyway, turns out that this family is *gasp* a polygamist family. Well, of course they are. However, they say they want nothing to do with Bill. Ha. They will, however, take his money. Bill tries to buy his way out again.

To solve all their problems, Bill decides he should have an open house for his 40,000 constituents. Man, that’s a big party. Or it would be, if everyone didn’t hate Bill. No one shows and Bill’s all put out until Don shows. He tells Bill that Bill needs to get his shit together and learn to apologize. Bill pulls that whole “I’m sorry you feel that way” apology that isn’t one. Don bails. And then, the polygamist family from earlier comes to the home of the woman who knocked their kid’s tooth out to chit-chat and have appetizers. So Bill gets to feel validated and will continue to ignore reason and ruin some more lives. Wonderful.

In other news, Margie gets the boot from her home shopping network. She is so earnest and tries everything to change it, but she gets called a liar and told that no one will trust her now. Her company is called “Heart On A Sleeve.” That’s so very Margie. She does get a religious main line marketing DVD from some random guy, though. So there’s that. Oh, and Bill somehow managed to get an expedited divorce for Margie and Goran, so he and Ana can leave the show now. Right?

Barb gets a new relationship with wine. Nicki has a freak-out, because it’s against all their beliefs to drink. Barb’s pretty much over it, though, and has herself a nice glass of wine from a juice glass. Heh. Bill keeps wanting Barb to just be OK with everything and she’s not having it. I really hope she divorces him.

Alby is in the desert with his Hummer. That’s not a euphemism. He heads back to his house and he’s clearly not right in the head. You know, still. He says Bill has taken everything he loved and that he’s going to purify the compound. That’s pretty messed up to say right in front of your wife. Lura seems to still be a devoted wife, especially when she goes to release Adalene from her prison in the cellar.

Oh and it gets mentioned that the casino contract is being disputed by the tribe, which makes no sense because A) Jerry and his partner knew they were polygamists B) the casino was supposed to be the back-up plan in case Henrickson Home Plus went under after they came out and C) that means that I had to recap a casino that served mocktails and had an ice cream sundae bar for NO REASON. Thanks bunches.

I’d say it was a strong opener. It tied up a few things, but they did so much last season that it has to have some fallout. I enjoyed the focus on the main characters, letting us see how this really effected them. I just cannot believe that Bill is so short-sighted that he can’t see why people think he lied to them, since he DID.

For the rest of the season, I hope Bill gets humbled, Margie picks her career up, Nicki gets stuck with Bill, Barb gets a new husband and learns to pick good wine, Adalene takes over the compound and Rhonda comes back to take Alby to California so he can start a new life. What’ll probably happen is Bill will get elected president.

Melissa McKimmey is a mom, wife and grocery merchandiser who spends too much time on the internet. She spends most of her time on the internet as TWoP Fan and can be emailed at here.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.