By Melissa McKimmey | TV | February 24, 2011 |
By Melissa McKimmey | TV | February 24, 2011 |
We start out this week with Bill announcing the name of his church, which is The New Assembly of Mormon Pioneers. Oh, I’m sure that won’t piss anyone off at all. Bill decides they will have a Quorum of four and I stop caring because it’s Bill and it’ll get screwed up eventually. Barb also decides not to take the sacrament during the services at the Church of Bill’s Pants. Not taking the sacrament is a big deal and I believe is similar to saying that you don’t follow the beliefs of that church enough that you feel comfortable taking the sacrament. I’m saying all this as a layperson, so please correct me in the comments if I’m off here. Anyway, it’s a huge deal.
The Mormon church sends a letter to its followers that’s a thinly veiled criticism of Bill and basically urges them to boycott Bill. Barb freaks out, saying that they don’t issue printed statements like this lightly and that it could ruin them. Bill accuses her of getting hysterical, but he’s being ridiculous. The church is a huge entity in Utah and if all the Mormon businesses and family stop buying things from Bill’s stores, he’s screwed. We cut to Don in the store telling Bill that business is bad. Heh. Bill and Don compare who has it worse right now and when Don pulls out the trump card of being a recent victim of an attempted murder, Bill brings up that Barb wants the priesthood and Don concedes to Bill’s awful, awful predicament. Seriously, that’s what happened. Oh, Don almost died, but Barb wants to have her own spiritual decisions! Horrors! Shut up, Bill.
Bill goes to the capital and my new favorite senator tells Bill that they are re-introducing the Impeach Bill Henrickson Bill. Bill is shocked that he’s being so unfairly targeted!
Bill hears from creepy Bud the polygamist that Alby’s spreading the word that Bill’s not long for this earth. Bud offers to off Alby, but instead Bill and Don head down to the compound to talk to him. Bill threatens to pull some state money the compound gets and I wonder how the hell he thinks he’s going to do this, since everyone in the senate hates him and he couldn’t get a vote passed for a bathroom break.
Barb talks to a woman named Renee Clayton, who had a similar crisis of faith as Barb and Renee says that it wasn’t her priesthood holding that broke up her marriage, but all the hiding and denying it. Barb asks her to talk to the family, but it goes over like a lead balloon when Renee brings up Heavenly Mother and lesbians. Barb tells Bill that she never asks for anything (true) and Bill says he will not accept her as a priesthood holder. So she tells him that she can’t be a member of his church. You go, Barb! I’ll be surprised if that’s not the final blow to their marriage. Bill is sustained by his faith and the (wrong) belief that he is correct in how he acts out his faith. Barb saying she doesn’t follow Bill’s faith anymore is tantamount to saying she doesn’t follow Bill or trust in Bill and that’s the structure their relationship was built on.
In other news, Margie’s planning a children’s polygamy rally, which sounds kind of icky, if you think about it. It’s to show that they are normal people with normal families. If only that were true. She talks to Micheal Sainte, the Goji guy, to pony up some cash, although he tells her he doesn’t believe in the message, he believes in the sales person. Also, she has hot fantasies about him.
Nicki bitches at Margie and Barb about how her marrying Bill is about her finally having an equal place and them sharing what they have. Which is bullshit. What it is is Nicki wanting to have some of what everyone else has but claiming to have nothing so she doesn’t have to sacrifice anything. It’s completely transparent. She’s is pissed when Barb and Bill make her sign some prenup papers that would allow Barb to retain financial control of Bill’s estate. Barb brings up the credit card debt, which is awesome. Nicki tells Barb that she wants to punch her in the face and Barb resignedly says that when she’s in the grave, Nicki can have it all. Uh, Barb, you might want to watch what you say about Nicki. There’s a history of murder in that family, is all I’m saying.
Cara Lynn goes to her tutor and he expresses his love for her and they make out. He’s what, 30 or so? She’s 16? Can no one on this show have a normal, age-appropriate, loving relationship? It’s either abuse or underage or multiple unhappy spouses or all three in these parts. And why are they introducing this NOW? We’ve got four episodes left, quit bringing up new storylines and actually wrap up one of the hundreds we still have to see closed.
Frank is forced by Bill to clean up his house and take in Lois. Bill says he’s going to send a nurse to check up on Frank, which is a good idea. However, Frank winds up taking Lois to the ocean and they sit and watch the waves together and it’s really quite lovely. Then they discuss how Lois wanted to kill Frank because she hates him, but she needs him to kill her when she gets to the point that she’s out of it for more than three days at a time. So there’s that. It’s really a nice scene, seeing these two people who have gone through so much together, including many attempts to kill each other, just settling into their shared history and finding comfort together.
Verlan kisses Alby and Alby makes it clear that he’s going to be keeping Verlan around as kind of a pet. It’s disturbing. Alby paid $2200 for Verlan to knock off Don, which strikes me as a little cheap. You get what you pay for, Alby.
Ben and Heather split up because Heather’s waiting for a guy on his mission. I think she just saw the crazy in Ben and his family and decided to get while the getting is good. She clearly made a good call, because Ben goes to find Rhonda, who is singing and stripping in a bar and they head to the backroom to be alone, I guess. Also, ew. Actually, I’m not completely opposed to Ben and Rhonda. Rhonda seems to like a guy who takes charge and keeps her in cash and shiny things. Ben wants a wife who will listen to what he says and doesn’t think he’s a freak. It may just be a match made in heaven. I do hope we get to see Ben tell Bill, though. I think I’d enjoy Bill’s reaction.
That’s it for this week. My sincere apologies if I missed anything crucial. I’m trying to keep the recap down to a manageable size, so sometimes things slip by.
I’m really enjoying Lois and Frank, I hate all the new storylines that are taking time away from Barb leaving Bill and I’m losing faith that Joey and Wanda will ever be found.