Home For the Holidays? Curl Up With These Homey Reality Shows

Alan Cumming’s Paradise Homes - BritBox and Prime

I’ll watch anything with Alan Cumming at the helm. This one has him traipsing about, mostly in Europe, touring beautiful homes in interesting locations. I don’t know if I’d call all those locations “Paradise,” but I’ll let you decide. It’s great because Cumming hates modern architecture, which he reminds us of at every house because they’re all modern. But usually, he ends up saying something like, “You know, I thought I hated modern architecture, but this house might have changed my mind.” All’s well that ends well.

Escape to the Country - BritBox and Prime

While we’re on the subject of European homes, Escape to the Country has everything House Hunters has, but in the British countryside. I would happily escape to any of the homes shown, but most of the participants do not agree with me, I guess, and end up rejecting them all. Perhaps a pivot is in order, and we can just tour the homes a la Alan Cumming, instead of looking to buy them? Just a thought.

Cheap Irish Homes - Prime

Like above, but bleak because it’s Irish. Just kidding, don’t come for me—it’s bleak because no real estate will ever be this cheap in the good ol’ US of A, and sometimes, being reminded of your bleak future is exactly what you need. Like the pathetic fallacy of gothic literature, but instead of looking out the window at nature, you’re looking at a television.

The Repair Shop - BritBox and Prime

While you’re sitting in your childhood home, drinking from your childhood cups, eating from your childhood plates, and just in general regressing into your childhood shelf, why not enjoy these heartwarming tales of making rusty old heirlooms new again? Maybe your dad has an old clock that needs some tender loving care, and you didn’t think of that in time for it to be his Christmas present, and you got him socks instead (again), and now you’re seeking goodwill? Trust me, he’ll like it. It might even inspire him to go dig the pipe with the mother-of-pearl handle out of the box of Grandpa’s old stuff in the basement. Maybe he’ll even share. His buddy from the golf course got him some tobacco, anyway. It’s not gonna smoke itself.

And since I’m just now realizing all of these shows are located/made across the pond, and I feel like I should throw in an American title for the sake of fairness, how about…

…Nate & Jeremiah By Design - Hulu and YouTube TV

If you’re anything like me, you fell in love with Jeremiah Brent on the new season of Queer Eye and contemplated leaving your life behind to be at his beck and call. As if one beautiful interior designer wasn’t enough, he’s married to Nate Berkus—yes, of Target fame—who is also an interior designer, and for three seasons, they combined their powers to help homeowners finish their renovations, with their daughter Poppy in tow. Unfortunately, it’s no longer airing, but I might start a renovation and fuck it up just so they can come rescue me.

Happy holidays, dear readers.