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Okay, Wait. Did I Just Enjoy an Episode of “FlashForward”? What the What?

By S.P. Ashworth | TV | November 24, 2009 |

By S.P. Ashworth | TV | November 24, 2009 |

Previously on “FlashForward:” I have no idea. Honestly. Not one damn thing stuck.

Title card: Four Weeks Before The Blackout. Let’s cut to the chase: Dr. Bryce has cancer! And, being in stage four, which in layman’s terms means “stage fucked,” Bryce realizes he is running out of options.

So he schlubs to his car in a complete daze before backing out of his parking space and crashing the eff into this gorgeous red T-Bird. Car’s owner starts freaking out (naturally), although Bryce kinda doesn’t give a shit and pulls a Fried Green Tomatoes on his ass, careening into the T-Bird about four or five more times. And I kinda wanna find Bryce compelling, but how many times have we seen this scene before in entertainment? Exactly.


So now we’re in Tokyo. And wow — the writers are really trying today — we see a pretty, young Japanese woman in a suit (named Keiko) testing out her best smiles in a bathroom mirror. She has an interview at a robotics firm, which she awkwardly pulls through as the only woman in the room. And, well, she’s pretty frickin’ adorable.

Now at work, Bryce and Olivia surgicate on a woman who keeps “oozing” (cool!), which prompts Olivia to ask Bryce what the deal is. But with Bryce being nowhere near focused enough for surgery (uh…), Olivia snarks at him to reconsider his career dedication. And fuck off, Olivia. Go graze in a field with the other cows. Cow.

Now on the day of the blackout, Bryce chats with his psychiatrist about feeling lost, alone, etc, etc, etcete-frickin-RA … until we see him at the dock with a gun. And is anyone else put off by the man’s disregard for the civilians who would mos’ definitely be traumatized by his head rocketing off? Like, that’s a tiny bit of blood and brain, ya’ll.

But, of course, we flash forward to Bryce’s vision. And considering it’s been nine episodes without ever seeing it, this is a fuckin’ feat. So we see Bryce and Keiko meet in this dark, Japanese restaurant and they share this moment akin to Desmond and Penny in “Lost,” this, “holy shit you’re really here,” reaction. Bryce looks at Keiko’s tattoo and they both smile and stare at one another before their flash forward ends. It’s all sort of endearing.

And now we’re at the present with Bryce, sick off his rocker, trying to learn Japanese like a stubborn asshole. Oh, my. It’s actually sort of sad. I make a pouty face in his general direction.

But hey, over in Aaronland, Aaron gets a call from NotRalph who asks about Aaron’s daughter. But as NotRalph blabbers some FBI stuff regarding Jericho, Aaron gets distracted by something under Tracy’s bed. Finding an empty mickey of booze, Aaron promptly stops listening to anything NotRalph is saying, and honestly. It’s about freaking time.

Having answered Olivia’s phone for her, NotRalph sees the text she received way-back-when about his drinking. Although Olivia plays it cool, disregarding her omission of this little detail because NotRalph already fessed-up, NotRalph’s interest about the text’s sender is piqued. Thanks, Olivia. You couldn’t have just lied?

So Bryce thinks he can work while in a post-chemo fatigue, but Olivia totally calls him out. Then after inadvertently seeing his central line (I’ll show you my central line, ohhh yeaaaah), Olivia promptly feels terrible. Yeah you’re not such a bitch now, hey? Actually, you know what. She still looks like a bitch.

It’s dinner time at casa de Aaron and Tracy! Tracy’s made dinner and, oh, whoops —decided to bring a bottle of red wine to the table. Not exactly keen on his daughter being a boozer, (not to mention his own draw to the drink), Aaron gives her heck. But since Tracy just insists on being frighteningly annoying, she takes it personally, exclaims she’s 24 years old (like omg!), and then leaves to drink it somewhere else. And then Aaron looks ready to lose it. Poor guy.

Ring time at the FBI! A woman from the NSA discusses their fancy-pants procedures for perfectly rendering the ring on Suspect Zero’s finger. The boys (and Janis) aren’t exactly impressed since what they really want rendered is Suspect Zero’s face. NSA Lady then pronounces her discomfort with disclosing any more info since one of the staff is being tracked (cough)Demetri(cough).

I guess the NSA logged Demetri’s conversation with the woman who revealed his murder (and why that conversation is so bad or why speaking to the woman he spoke to is equally as bad is beyond me.) But, either way, the call has made them wary. But does Demetri give a shit? Tit-lickin no! So his best reaction is to freak out at NSA Lady for details. And after about a million years of dramatic music, she agrees.

Back in Tokyo, Keiko is bored to tears at her new job. As she air guitars to Bob Dylan (she’s a guitar player herself) a co-worker rushes over and exclaims the boss needs her immediately. Why? Because he’s a douchebag and needs tea poured for his meeting. And am I that behind or would this still even happen in the 21st century? Yet Keiko pours the tea while looking ridiculously downtrodden. Word.

Over in L.A., Aaron finishes up an A.A. meeting when NotRalph shows up. Guess who’s gonna do some slick investigatin’? Oh, NotRalph, come here. Take this money — it’s not a lot, but take it and go by some fucking class, my friend. Jesus. So yeah, NotRalph goes on about how “weird” it is that someone sent his wife a text when he only told two people about his flash forward. And since Aaron isn’t a fucking moron, he tells NotRalph to find a new sponsor, ‘cause he’s done. Then he throws some chairs around and slaps NotRalph on the face a few times and fuckin’ rights I just clapped my hands.

In other news, Keiko’s getting that-there tattoo from her flash forward. And it’s no more interesting than that, folks.

Oh! Oh! NotRalph is at it again! Having not gotten enough abuse from Aaron, he’s now confronting Stan. And Stan reacts pretty much exactly the same way. Hee! This is totally making my day. Shoot him! Just shoot him, Stan, c’moooon. You know you wanna. It seems like an overreaction but I promise you — it is not.

Hm. Here’s one of those coincidences that sort makes me wanna eat glass. While helping a Japanese patient, Bryce shows the woman his finished picture of Keiko. Then, recognizing the image on Keiko’s shirt, the woman knows the shirt’s restaurant’s name, location, and oh m’god, whatever.

So, with the A-okay from Olivia, Bryce jumps the gun and heads to Japan. He finds the restaurant, and after some confusion about getting a virgin prostitute, the staff realizes Bryce is searching for Keiko, and direct him to her home.

At said home, Keiko argues with her mom about quitting her job and being set-up with a “Mr. Ito.” Keiko elaborates, saying Mr. Ito, “like, totally sucks and is ugly and oh my gawwwwd I hate you!” So her mom figures, like many other ridiculous mothers out there, Keiko should probably just stop living there. Man, if this episode had a drinking game for the amount of times people overreacted, I’d be right shittered. Mmm…

Fucking what? Uh. Okay. NotRalph and Vreede pulled music off of Demetri’s phone call and deduced it’s from the Symphony of Lights in Hong Kong harbour. Yeah. Right. And Romy invented the Post-It-Note — I get it guys, I’m very impressed. However I’ll never believe you are anything but the greasy-haired losers in high school who smoked left-over cigarette butts at 7-Eleven. Just sayin’.

Anyway, Demetri and NotRalph wanna go to Hong Kong, but Stan’s all, “Fuck you.” But since no one respects anyone at this job, NotRalph decides they’ll go anyhow.

Okay, this kinda breaks my heart. Bryce found Keiko’s house, but realizing Bryce is the one who made Keiko leave, Keiko’s mom lies her ass off. Bryce then laments to Nicole by phone over his situation, but Nicole thinks he’s probably just jumping the gun. Agreed.

Aw. Aaron watches Tracy (passed out on the couch from two bottles of red wine (mm … red wine…)) when there’s a knock at the door. NotRalph wants to make good, but Aaron admits they’ve crossed the sponsor/member line, so they’ll just have to be friends and then he talks about Tracy. NotRalph makes a ton of dumb ass faces, and then accepts their friendship. Oh, Gorsh.

Well what the fuck, ya’ll. Looks like Keiko’s supposed to be in L.A. to meet Bryce, not the other way around, as we see Keiko’s flash forward where she arrives at the restaurant and passes a sign reading “Best of L.A.” And, shit. I have to admit something. Please don’t hate me, but … I’m kinda enchanted by this storyline. Okay. It’s out. I swear it, though, I’ll always, always hold a black place in my heart for NotRalph. Scout’s honour.

S.P. Ashworth is a fourth-year creative writing student from Victoria, B.C. with aspirations of screenwriting, but realizes that without penning the next Devil Wears Prada, she’s pretty much hooped. You can email her or leave a comment below.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.