Are You Aware of the Double Slit Experiment? Well, There Was That One Time In College.

By S. P. Ashworth | TV | November 2, 2009 |

By S. P. Ashworth | TV | November 2, 2009 |

Previously on “FlashForward”: After a slightly redeeming episode, “FlashForward” showed its true colors. They rhyme with drown and spit.

RREeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRR. A train booms across a forested track while inside, a chap sips whiskey at the bar. And Hey-Oh! Tis Simon (aka, The Monaghan.) And, hee! Exciting! Is it naive of me to hope for an “episode six” break-through? It’s a little naïve, isn’t it?

Anyhow, noticing a hottie by the bar, Simon entices her by mentioning he has the inside scoop on the flash forward conundrum. To back-up his credentials, Simon suggests she image-search “Quantum Physicist Genius” on her cell phone. She does, and turns out ol’ Simon-pants won the Robert Wilson Award. Well la-dee-da. Hottie gets a little wet in her panties, though, and Simon capitalizes, explaining quantum mechanics through “Schrödinger’s Cat.”

Put a tiny cat with poison in your hand and then close it. Quantum mechanics suggests that until your hand is open, you don’t know if the cat has or hasn’t eaten the poison, thus creating an instant where the cat is both alive and dead. In this sense, quantum mechanics further suggests that the observer decides the fate, even though the kitty has already made up its mind.

And, okay. I’m gonna get back to this, ‘cause m’brain is hurting a bit. I think it means that although the future’s been shown, it’s still only a supposition. The decision of whether or not it happens is still up to the person whose fate it is. Is that? Yeah? Maybe? Ow.

FlashForward!

So as Simon discussed quantum mechanics, Janis was engaged in the ol’ Code Red at Olivia’s E.R. And whoa, hey, before anyone freaks-out, she’s totally okay. I know — close one. The sweat stains, my friends. How will I cope with the drama?

And remember how Lloyd wants his son, Dylan, to live at Lloyd’s house instead of Dylan’s mom’s? I’m sure you do. Well, Lloyd persists, but Dylan kinda doesn’t give a shit, instead insisting his dad, “Make-a the cards. Caaards,” (referring to a card trick). But Lloyd perseveres with the house, saying, “We all lived there when your mother and I…,” yet Dylan still says “Cards.” They play this little game for half a minute until Dylan surprises everyone, saying “It’s my house, too.” Weird.

Back in Janis’ ward, NotRalph’s crew gets the A-Okay on her status, giving Stan a reason to tell his men to get some R&R. However, Demetri puts on his bad-ass pants and decides to dismiss Stan’s directives. He wants to man hunt for the people who shot at them, and punching-bag Al tags along.

Sappy Time! Olivia and NotRalph reflect on NotRalph’s close call with the grenade launchers (although I’m not sure there’s ever a “close call” when it comes to grenade launchers.) Olivia insists they should both live in the “today” and NotRalph agrees, sealing it with a kiss, and then I vomit all over my laptagpbioue.a.b.asfajs956h.

Over at the Coroner’s morgue, Demetri and Al get the lowdown on the bad guys’ cadavers. The big reveal? A blue hand stamp is found on the one guy’s hand. Triggering in Demetri a piece of NotRalph’s flash forward, we hear NotRalph say, “A hand. A BLUE hand.” And you know, I wasn’t going to swear much in his recap, but for fuck’s sake, NotRalph.

Then Al attempts to pull on Demetri’s heart strings, reminding Demetri that he was just grenaded (yeah I made-up a verb using grenades—what of it?). However, Demetri reminds Al how he, too, has been quiet regarding his own flash forward, so they agree to disagree.

Having returned to the office, the two now bicker like a couple of high school sweethearts: do they go to Baltimore Street or Baltimore, Maryland? And the winner? Jock Demetri, but mainly because Al knows he totally didn’t put out the night before. Been there.

In the meantime, Lloyd attempts to rock a hospital trick-or-treating with Dylan (who, you know, is dressed up like a pimp). Dylan, however, has totally disappeared. Them pimps are pretty elusive, yo.

Oh, here, let me skim something: Stan and Janis chat about feelings, marriage, and babies. SKIMMED. Then shit hits the fan when Janis’ stats begin a-dropping and beeping sounds begin a-beeping. Then Olivia swoops in since she’s a doctor and that very explicitly requires she state important facts, like your favorite and mine: her blood count’s dropping. Beautiful execution.

Simon! Hee! He totally banged that chick from earlier and now pillow talks about his flash forward. The deets? He strangled a guy, and “felt his thumbs pressing down on [the guy’s] trachea until something snapped.” Wicked! Oddly enough, though, the chick doesn’t agree. Close your mouth there, sweetheart. It’s ugly.

So Dylan’s one suave muthafucka having found the bus to take him “home.” But the bus driver gives him shit for skirting the fare (yet not for the fact that he’s, like, eight, and sitting on a bus at 9:00 p.m. on Hallowe’en.) However, some cracked-out-Orlando-Bloom-lookin’ dude stands up for Dylan, putting Dylan in the clear.

Janis’ Surgery — a dramatic monologue. As everyone surgeries Janis like crazy, Olivia decides to do a b-lynch on Janis’ stomach, even though Dr. Bryce is against it. Don’t matter, though, because Olivia watches “House,” so no operation is a bad operation.

Hee! Dylan has found his “home” which turns out to be the Benfords’ house. Hah. He zips past Nicole who mans the trick-or-treaters, and then beelines to the cookie jar repeating, “It’s my house, too.”

Ohhh, NotRalph, you silly, silly man. As he trick-or-treats with Charlie (who is freaking adorable tonight) he spies three men in the same masks as those worn by the men infiltrating his office in his flash forward. Not overreacting at all, NotRalph books it down the street screaming, “FBI!” SMRT, smart.

So they chase and chase and chiga-chiga-chase, until NotRalph catches one of them. But what do you know, it’s not a bad guy, but a kid. The kid freaks out, begging NotRalph not to tell his dad about the eggs they threw. Fail.

Blllllaaaaahhh. This storyline with Demetri and Al is so bland. Where are they going, why does this matter? Oh, my seven readers … How my lips curl. Okay, what? WHAT do you want, Demetri? You found what? A blue hand on a stop sign? And it’s pointed where? Down the street? Well go, my young asshat. Follow that lead, make your team proud. Fuck.

And hey. More blue hand shit. Turns out Demetri and Al can count. The keep looking for the house. Amazing.

Back at the Benfords’, NotRalph has made it home and chats with Dylan. Where’s Dylan’s dad? How did Dylan get there? Then Charlie skips in and totally high-fives Dylan since they remember each other from their flash forwards. Naturally, NotRalph is a little confused, but wait — here’s Lloyd to clear it all up!

But as Lloyd chats with NotRalph, he begins to catch wind of where he is, and, well, it’s kinda great. It doesn’t take long for NotRalph to follow suit and a hilarious grimace grows on his face. But wait, let’s get Olivia in on the fun! Hey-oh! This is fucking awesome.

So with everything regarding Olivia and Lloyd’s shared flash forward now clear, guess who’s a fucking dick about it? Thanks for that, NotRalph. Lloyd plays it cool, though, and leaves politely with Dylan in tow.

Hey, good work Demetri and Al. You found the blue hand house. And inside? One dead man with a blue hand. How convenient.

But here’s something: the b-lynch performed on Janis has fucked up her chances of having a baby. She cries to Stan, and, well, okay — this comes back to Simon’s cat analogy earlier. Cut me some slack if I’m a little slow, but does this mean there’s a chance the flash forwards can be thwarted? ‘Cause if so, that’s pretty cool. Throw your thoughts at me, my people.

Now here’s a scene and a half. NotRalph and Olivia really lay it on the line, get down and dirty, show their true colors, pull all their punches. The bottom line? NotRalph may going down the same path that leads to him drinking again. Is NotRalph hiding anything from Olivia? NotRalph admits that yes, he’s drinking in his flash forward, but he doesn’t plan to do that for real. Olivia, on the other hand, believes they’re kinda fuckered.

Demetri and Al: Ah, Christ, I dunno. They’ve found a passport on a body with the name “Rutherford,” which triggers a flash forward conversation about “the Rutherford case,” which I guess was the reason we watched these two fuck around for the entire episode. Brilliant.

And tying-up the episode nicely is Simon confronting Lloyd in his car. Simon admits he’s concerned over Lloyd’s disappearance—“We all are.” (Neat!) And even though Lloyd doesn’t want to see “any of them,” Simon doesn’t care. Then they drive off into the night and yeah. Turns out I was totally naïve.

S.P. Ashworth is a fourth-year creative writing student from Victoria, B.C. with aspirations of screenwriting, but realizes that without penning the next Devil Wears Prada, she’s pretty much hooped. You can email her or leave a comment below.