‘Doctor Who’ Finale Recap: Everybody’s Dead, Dave

Previously, on Doctor Who: Fifteen and Ruby asked UNIT for help identifying some mystery women, then Sutekh, the God of Death and former foe of Four, materialised and revealed he’s been behind all that Susan Twistiness all along.

This week: Sutekh gets dusty with it, and the mysterious woman who left Ruby at the church is finally revealed. Spoilers are ahead!

The first finale of the RTD2 era had a lot to do. There were big secrets and big stakes alongside huge callbacks, plus the pressure of ‘bringing back’ the franchise and keeping the momentum up. Viewing figure stats may be skewed with the new airing model, and the solution for that has apparently been the necessity of generating buzz. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Whovians like callbacks and lean towards the smug side when guessing twists, especially if they reference Classic Who. ‘Empire of Death’ had all of this going for it, but it ultimately did not deliver. I’m not sure it could have done; if you try to cram Infinity War and Endgame into 54 minutes, it’s going to feel rushed. And if you are going to set up a reality-altering mystery that even gods fear, it needs to pay off.

I liked the reveal of Ruby’s birth mother as a nice, ordinary girl who was trying to keep her baby safe from an abusive environment. I like the message of that, and it’s entirely on-brand with RTD’s love of the wonder of the everyday and the Doctor’s insistence that nobody is unimportant. It also plays to RTD’s strengths as a writer: anchoring the Doctor in the world of the companion who has a full and developed life of their own. It felt honest in this way and fundamentally dishonest in another, because as a narrative device through the season, it did not pay off. Millie Gibson sold this completely, and I’m glad she is returning next season because she’s been fantastic, but that whole arc did not really work for me, and I’m sure I’m not just salty that my theory didn’t pan out.

My saltiness, though, pales in comparison to Sutekh’s. He has spent millennia perched on the TARDIS and traveling around with the Doctor, learning his secrets and dropping off little Angel of Death Susans everywhere they go, ready for his big dusty moment where he activates them and wipes out everyone in the universe before nicking the TARDIS with his Harbinger. Most people disappear in the first death wave, including the whole of UNIT — apart from one soldier who Fifteen sends off to a bunker because she’s not a main character and doesn’t get to escape with him, Ruby and Mel.

Ruby missed the first death wave because she was back in the Time Window, where she has remembered so hard that the memory TARDIS solidifies. Sutekh lets them escape because there is a secret he hasn’t managed to uncover, and it’s driving him bonkers. Yep, Sutekh is also obsessed with Ruby’s parentage, which is probably why the TARDIS appeared for a second time on Ruby Road in the Time Window last week: chances are it was Sutekh and Harriet Arbinger, sneaking back for another peep and making the moment even more “raw and open” in the process, which I believe is meant to explain the haunting ‘Carol of the Bells’ and the magic snow. None of this was really explained, so there are a few theories flying around.

The memory TARDIS is chock full of Whovian Easter Eggs and feelings because Fifteen is horrified that his travels have wiped out life in every part of the universe he’s ever been to, like he’s some kind of Timelord Mary sneezing out Dusty Susans. This is going to ruin the tour, huh?

There’s a strangely beautiful pause in the action where he visits one of these planets and speaks with a woman who is slowly dying in the second wave. This character was referred to in the blurb of the episode as a kind woman waiting with an important object for him. This object turned out to be a random spoon, which he needed to jab into the Time Window tablet-doodah in order to keep Easter Egg TARDIS going. Is the underwhelming reveal of the spoon just playful misdirection or a developing contempt for the speculation that has been deliberately fuelled? Because that’s not how good storytelling should work, and it’s a jarring detail in what is otherwise a beautifully written scene. And with the amount of chaotic junk in the Easter Egg TARDIS, were there no spoons to be found?

Sutekh hacks into Mel’s head and demands she bring the team back to him to reveal who Ruby’s mum is. The Time Window tablet gives them clues, and in the version of history where Ruby never breaks the fairy circle and Roger Ap Gwilliam becomes Prime Minister, he makes DNA records compulsory and they just need to travel to that fixed point and hack in to the computer to find out who it is. It’s all a bit late for Mel, who becomes a dust zombie like Sue, but Ruby tricks Sutekh into a magic dog leash by playing on his desperation to know who her mum is, and they nick the real TARDIS back. Fifteen then drags Sutekh through the vortex, figuring that by killing Death, he brings life back. Abracadabra, everyone’s fine again. Pizza party at UNIT!

After Ruby reunites with her birth mother, and there are happy hugs all round, it’s time for the Doctor to leave, and for now, he leaves alone. Ruby’s enormous phone is pinging non-stop and she’s got everything she ever wanted; it’s an opportune moment to leave her to some peace and love.

Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey Stuff

Amuse yourself with the things that Sutekh has seen, heard and endured squatting on the TARDIS all this time…

Donna is going to be really mad that Rose got killed in action. I hope Kate can approve another pay rise.

Morris has machine guns in his segway? So UNIT doesn’t just hire children, it arms them too? KATE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (Other than Colonel Ibrahim, but that’s entirely understandable, and you go, girl.)

I can’t possibly itemise all the items in the Easter Egg TARDIS but look forward to seeing your favourites!

The perception filter has a 73-yard radius. For reasons.

Fifteen was keen for Ruby to respect Louise’s wishes and not force a reunion, perhaps relating a little too hard to his situation with Susan (real, not Techy).

Did the Big Resurrection bring Gallifrey back to life as well?

Ruby’s dad’s last name is Garnet. Is that why Louise picked the church on Ruby Road and pointed at the sign? Was her middle name meant to be Carnelian? It’s a lot of red, that’s what I’m saying. .. But if we have learned anything from this new season, it’s that we’re being toyed with for the purpose of generating and sustaining buzz, and there is nothing to be gained by spinning huge fan theories out of throwaway moments because that path leads to disappointment.

Now. Mrs Flood’s totally the Rani, right? Or the new Missy? OR THE GOD OF WONDERFUL SASS?