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So How Did Gina Linetti Survive That Bus Crash on 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'?

By Emily Cutler | TV | April 12, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | TV | April 12, 2017 |

So how did Gina Linetti survive that bush crash that seemed to kill her three months ago? She just did. No big mystery or “actually she was behind the bus” trick. She got hit by a New York City bus, received what we can only imagine is proper and immediate medical care, and now she’s back to work. It actually works. I’m into it.

What I’m significantly less into is the blatant misrepresentation of auditors and how they perform their jobs. For starters, police departments, along with most governmental bodies, are required to be regularly audited on a number of fronts: financial; regulatory; sometimes, if you’re getting wild, productivity. But none of those audits would cite the police precinct itself for having rats or a faulty copier, both of which are clearly under the purview of building operations or IT. Also as far as I know police officers don’t audit precincts themselves. Unless there’s some sort of audit cop position which I’m unaware of, and which would put a pretty serious damper on my upcoming graphic novel. It is completely unrealistic that any audit … What’s that? None of you care about audits or this audit joke? You all just want to know if the show is still funny or not?

Fine. Short answer: yes, it’s still hysterical. Longer answer: does anyone actually care about Jake, Amy or their relationship? Moreover, did the writers believe that by adding Amy’s intolerably boring boyfriend into the mix, we’d be more interested in their storyline? Because, and bear with my conspiracy theory for a second, it seems like the writers know exactly what they’re doing. Let’s take a look at the elements of Plot A and B:

Plot A
- Jake
- Amy
- Amy’s Boring Boyfriend Whose Name I’m Not Going To Look Up. Greg Maybe?
- Boring Stake Out
- Jazz Brunch

All of those elements are intentionally boring, but then they forgot to add any decent jokes to make the boring funny. It’s almost like they piled all of the crap into one big crap pile so all of the crap would be consolidated, and out of the way.

Plot B
- Captain Holt
- Terry
- Gina In A Halo Back Brace (This, and not something you might put on while playing several hours of a military, science-fiction, first-person shooter video game)

Screenshot 2017-04-12 08.15.20.png

- Rosa
- Charles
- A Japanese Printer That Only Uses Weird Cartoons To Convey What’s Broken About It
- Unstoppable, Self-Maimed Rats On The Purest Cocaine This City Has Ever Seen Who Know No Fear Or Pain
- Terry
- Crushed
- It?

That’s a much better list, yes? Maybe such a good list that one would want to make sure to keep any and all crap away from it? Maybe by putting all the crap in a big crap pile?

Yeah, I see you, Brooklyn Nine-Nine writers. I see you, and I’m into it. Keep piling that crap.