25 Things More enjoyable Than Watching This Season of 'Big Brother'
Look, I’m going to keep watching this season of Big Brother through the bitter (and I do mean bitter) end, because I have done wrongs in my past lives and must atone for them. But this past week’s episode just confirmed what an unfun, off-putting dud this season has been. Last night’s double eviction was predictable, but also just left the show at this point utterly dull. Paul is in control, and will be as person after person gets picked off. The only ones who could possibly rock the boat are Alex (in a final two with him that honestly benefits both) and Mark (a competition beast, but not exactly a strategist). Does anyone think Raven’s been laying low this entire time waiting for her moment to strike? Did Jason’s utter meltdown under pressure last night give you any hope of his victory?
Exactly. The only real drama now seems to be whether or not Matt sets the Big Brother record for volunteering to go up as a pawn. Not exactly Must See TV. With that in mind, as I suffered through what should have been an exciting episode, I thought about 25 things that would be more enjoyable than what I was doing.
1) Flying to a destination inside the continental United States using no fewer than three connecting flights
2) Watching people at the gym take selfies while on treadmills
3) Counting the blades of grass in my backyard
4) Caillou cosplay (Publisher’s Note: Nope)
5) Sitting in coach between two manspreaders
6) Clicking through an online fifty-picture gallery with ads every 4th slide
7) Finding another old Trump tweet that criticizes the exact thing he just did
8) Listening to the audio commentary for The Emoji Movie
9) Going to the grocery store at 11 am on Sundays during American football season
10) Bingewatching Kevin Can Wait
11) Cleaning the bathroom floor with a spray bottle and my bare hands
12) Taking a day off from work in order to renew my license at the DMV
13) Thinking about Mike Pence calling his wife “Mother”
14) Talking with someone who insists you don’t like a certain TV show simply because you “haven’t gotten to the good stuff, which starts in season three”
15) Reading the Facebook feed of that one cousin you haven’t seen in years for reasons
16) Listening to a Soundcloud playlist called “Dentist Office Waiting Room Jamz”
17) Learning what “YouTube celebrities” are
18) Arguing with someone about how the Lost finale was actually excellent
19) Explaining to my mother why, if she gets a new computer, the good folks at Best Buy don’t have to transfer her email
20) Attempting to have a nuanced argument 140 characters at a time on Twitter
21) Looking at production stills of Iron Fist
22) Taking public transportation in and around Boston if it’s not 68 and sunny, and even then, it’s a crapshoot really because God may not exist
23) Reading articles about showrunners who insist their show is a “ten-hour movie”
24) Paying for mobile gaming content via microtransactions
25) Waiting for the garbage fire that is 2017 to finally be extinguished
- What if 'Independence Day' with Will Smith is a Warning?
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- The 10 Best Movies Of 2019 So Far
- Meghan McCain Wants to Quit 'The View' (WHY, GOD?!)
- 'Yesterday' Is A Love Letter To East Anglia