As you know, we have entered a timeline where all of the worst and best things have converged into a cluster of amazing fan service from nerdy properties while also fostering a feeling of entitlement from said fans when they feel stories didn’t play out to their satisfaction. If like me, you understand that reality is a cruel mistress that extends from our real lives into some parts of the cinematic universes then you know how frustrating the latter group can be. That’s why I’ve created this petition to demand that members of various fandoms immediately cease creating petitions to change story arcs, character fates, and casting decisions in film and television.
No more should we have to suffer commands hidden within paragraphs of drivel to bring back SPOILER ALERT Iron Man from death just because he supposedly merited better END SPOILER ALERT. The fandom misunderstanding or just disliking a character’s fate doesn’t give them the right to insist upon a course correction from the creative team behind the decision.
This petition would also seek to end petitions requesting that the entire final season of A Game of Thrones be completely rewritten and reshot to better align with the headcanon ending of some so-called fans. Reading all of George RR Martin’s books and writing fan fiction doesn’t mean you know more than the actual showrunners that spoke with the material’s author, BILL. Just be disappointed and deal with it - signed, Lots of Lost fans that don’t include myself.
We can stop white men crying for a superhero to be recast because the actress dared to ask for more diversity on her press tour. We can stop nerd babies from whining that Robert Pattinson can never be Batman because he was a lovesick, glittery vampire in a very successful franchise that began more than a decade ago. Our digital signatures will once and for all silence the vocal and very bored fans that take everything too seriously and choose to make a petition rather than just refrain from watching something.
Just kidding. A petition won’t do any of that because it’s just a bunch of people whining in unison. I mean, if we can’t even get the US government, full of people that are supposed to work for us, to heed a petition, then you aren’t going to get Disney, HBO, Marvel, or anything else to bend to your will. Get yourself together, people.
Header Image Source: Blumhouse Productions