I know that this says “Parenting,” but keep reading. I am not the type of parent who makes schedules, remembers to bake for school sales, or even tries to make friends with other parents. That just isn’t me. Obviously, as my FAQ page makes clear.
Another question I always get, that is not covered by that FAQ, is: How are you old enough to have a 13-year-old?
I mean, I can explain puberty and stuff like that to people who ask the question, but the real answer is that I was 25 when I had my kid. I will be *deep breath* 39 this Sunday. Still, I have been mistaken for my daughter’s doting older sister on more than one occasion. I went car shopping with my Mom a couple weeks ago and people were asking if she was buying my first car.
I love it.
People who do know me like to ask what my secret is to looking so young. Since I aim to please, on random days that no one can ever predict, I’ve decided to share those secrets with you.
Random Spurts of Exercise
Though TK once asked if I needed to sit in his son’s car seat because he swears he could fit me in his pocket, I am not what I consider to be my ideal weight. Or shape. Or whatever. This is because I adore food and activities like cross-stitching, playing video games, and writing for you heathens.
Every once in a while, I will decide that now is the time to get back down to 120 pounds on this 5’3” frame. I will do some form of exercise or diet for a decent amount of time before deciding cupcakes taste better than skinny feels.
My scientific opinion is that this keeps the elasticity in my skin on its toes, allowing it to maintain a youthful appearance. Also, peptides and such.
Randomness: It’s a theme.
As a teen, I used Sea Breeze and I’ve spent the rest of my life dealing with the fallout of that decision. My skin is both oily and dry at the same time, making foundation too annoying for me to deal with and forcing me to get my skin’s priorities straight through beauty regimens that I stick to on a whim.
What does work is micellar water and snail secretions, when I use them. Another thing that works is not giving a crap and just going about my day or week until I decide to wash my face again. Again, I’m keeping my skin on its toes, making its brain work overtime and staving off old age. I assume.
Have A Myriad Of Facial Expressions
Most of the time I am in Resting Bitch Face Mode. The rest of the time I am making ridiculous faces to punctuate stories I am telling or as a reaction to others. I think of it like exercise for my skin and face muscles. They’re the only muscles that are probably in shape, now that I think about it.
What kind of faces? Ugh, fine.
There’s the Petr Knava:
The Forgetting Something:
The Mean Mug:
The What Did You Say To Me:
The I Been Drankin:
Odds and Ends
I only drink water that has a flavor other than air, but I drink it constantly. I drink alcohol when I wanna and don’t when I don’t wanna. I sleep except when I don’t. I use sunscreen when I remember and I always make sure to wear a seatbelt.
So there you have it. A super simple and easy to follow guide on how to look young. I’m sure you’ll have the same amazing results I’ve had with this long-term program.