Puppet Sex Would Be More Interesting Right Now
By The Pajibettes | PaEHba Day | November 18, 2009 |
By The Pajibettes | PaEHba Day | November 18, 2009 |
Cindy - I’ve never seen this show before - what’s the premise?
Pinky_McLadybits - I figure it’s about teaching guys how to be douchebags.
Cindy - I hope it’s about gay guys trying to do construction.
Pinky_McLadybits - If I don’t see at least one pink shirt and three popped collars, I will be a sad girl.
Melody - These girls bring their idiot boyfriends, who are massive tools, to the Tool Academy to make them into gentlemen. Testosterone fueled stupidity ensues.
Pinky_McLadybits - Oooohhh! I though it was a tool factory, not a tool rehab.
Pinky_McLadybits - The logo looks like the Micro Machines logo.
MelBiv - That’s because they have tiny tools, pinky.
Kolby - Who are these assholes?
jM - He’s been to the Bandana Depot.
Kolby - What the frick is with the bandanas?
jM - The Bandana Depot services all of your bandana needs, Kolby.
Blonde_Savant - I like how the announcer guy yells everything.
Kolby - Wait. Wait. Its says “Tool Academy 2.” This is the second season??
Melody - Last season was far less stupid than this season.
Melody - They earn badges like Boy Scouts.
Pinky_McLadybits - Do they sell Tool Cookies?
Blonde_Savant - They did sell cookies last season.
Cindy - Is that one dude a ninja tool?
lizzie - I really don’t like that guy Charm. First of all, he has none.
Blonde_Savant - Charm = Asshole and standing out as an asshole in this group is saying something.
Cindy - Fork stab!
Cindy - Oh yeah, wrestling time.
lizzie - sexual TENSION.
Cindy - Jello? Pudding? I wanna see nipples.
jM - Please tell me that the guy with the tall hair is called “Dragonball Tool”. Then I can die happy.
Cindy - Is that guy related to the Heat Miser?
lizzie - Why does she find that tool attractive?!
AvB - P.S. the names they give them? Don’t really differentiate them for me.
Pinky_McLadybits - Your Mom and Dad are always home?! HAHA!
MelBiv - Wow … he has respect for her parents? Does he know what show he’s on?
Cindy - They all need more piercings, then things would get better.
Pinky_McLadybits - Dear Godtopus, PLEASE USE CONDOMS.
jM - Stupidity burns through condoms.
Melody - Condoms = good.
lizzie - THEY ARE WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY.
MelBiv - The withdrawal method.
Kolby - Trust is very important, kids.
Melody - So are condoms when you still live with mom and dad.
Blonde_Savant - Yes, trust leads to not using condoms.
MelBiv - Is he CRYING?
AvB - Do they call him the Teary Tool?
jM - Yup, the bitch tears are pouring.
AvB - I think all their hair needs a cleansing fire.
MelBiv - if someone lights a match in that room, they’ll all go up in flames.
jM - That would be a towering inferno.
Blonde_Savant - This hair is painful to my soul.
AvB - That guy is such a jackass. Charm.
lizzie - I just want to shave their heads with, like, a ten foot pole.
Kolby - No joke, I’ve watched about 3 minutes of this show so far and I’m suddenly craving KFC.
Melody - Is anyone else getting the slutty workout video commerical?
Pinky_McLadybits - Yes, asses wiggling in my face.
AvB - Stripper workout. Flirtatiously fun!
Pinky_McLadybits - Hoochie Workout!
AvB - I love how they’re all groping their own asses.
Pinky_McLadybits - Lose weight and learn a new trade: Lap dancing!
jM - How many of those girls are gonna end up on the next Tool Academy?
Cindy - Slap your ass!
AvB - Ooh, the pole comes with? A bargain at twice the price!
Kolby - OK, they sold me with the pole.
Melody - Charm School after they fail the newest season of Rock of Love: STDs.
Kolby - Holy shit! His hair! He looks like the Heat Miser!
Blonde_Savant - This guy totally waxes his eyebrows.
jM - Tat Tool makes me hate everything.
AvB - Chia head and skunk girl … they’re like a perfect couple.
Blonde_Savant - Oh, this guy’s interpretation of foreplay is stunning.
MelBiv - He doesn’t talk to her after? Asshat.
Kolby - He has quite the command of the English language. Uh. Uhm. Like. Stuff.
Cindy - Do you guys have face puppets? Do they have pretend sex with their puppets?
Blonde_Savant - If they get uncomfortable, they can hide behind their puppet.
jM - Puppet sex would be more interesting right now.
Cindy - I’m going to make a face puppet and then only talk to my husband as the puppet.
Kolby - Whoa! The shrink’s shoes are SLUTTY.
Blonde_Savant - Oh god, the tattoos, I forgot about the tattoos.
Kolby - Are they drinking Natty Light?
MelBiv - Ahha, Natty Light, classy.
Melody - Tattoo over your penis = KLASSY.
lizzie - What kind of tattoo parlor actually tats people when they’ve been drinking?!
jM - They’re not drunk, they’re tools.
AvB - And now his pants are belted around his ass. HOT.
Pinky_McLadybits - Even the outside of the Tool Academy is tacky. HAHAHA! They have
the short bus!
lizzie - I love the short bus.
Melody - I love the name “Hillbilly Tool”.
jM - His tattoo is crooked.
lizzie - An elite club? Yeah, of TOOLS. This is not a good thing.
AvB - I predict they get eaten by raccoons.
Pinky_McLadybits - I predict a bear will try to eat Tattoo Tool and choke on the hair product.
Melody - I’m rooting for the wildlife.
lizzie - I’m rooting for the campfire to spark into someone’s hair and start a massive forest fire.
AvB - Have these people ever hiked in their lives?
jM - I’m sending my very best headbadger after Tat Tool’s hair.
AvB - He totally needs a headbadger.
lizzie - Which one is stew?
MelBiv - Because he can’t READ.
Pinky_McLadybits - Hillbilly Tool, I think.
jM - “I can’t read directions. I can’t read at all!”
Melody - Stew also has the stupid hat.
lizzie - … And she’s afraid of cows.
MelBiv - I wish that cow had mad cow disease and totally chased them.
MelBiv - Oh god, the muffin top.
AvB - I think she needs tighter shorts, too.
Kolby - Help me out here, there is a Shea and a Shealyn?
Blonde_Savant - Here comes the screaming.
Pinky_McLadybits - Her shorts are too tight and that’s why she can’t breathe.
Cindy - She’s in pain from walking? It’s totally hard to walk and breathe at the same time.
lizzie - It really isn’t that hard to set up a tent.
Kolby - I’d give anything to see a map of where they are and how far they actually had to
Pinky_McLadybits - Well, he’s wearing a Kid Rock hat and you expect him to comfort you?
Melody - Lizzie, there are the words and things to do and it’s SO HARD.
MelBiv - I’ve given up on names for the girls… there’s Skunk Hair, Crazy Facial Piercing
Girl (aka the Whiner), the Cutesy one, and Charm’s Suffering GF.
AvB - She sounds exactly like my 5 year old niece, who just had a hissy tantrum over dinner.
Blonde_Savant - Amanda’s boyfriend maintains an amazing level of calm considering the crazy that’s coming at him.
Pinky_McLadybits - It just amazes me that these people really thought about their hair and how they wanted to look and THAT is what they chose.
Kolby - Do these fools not watch Bear Grylls?
Cindy - This is by far the most ridiculous show I’ve watched.
MelBiv - Damn, Tat Tool is so deep.
Cindy - “You’re not just a piece of ass”
Kolby - I SHOULD be thinking about marrying you, honey. But I’m not.
Pinky_McLadybits - How did I just now see those 8th grade gym socks on Hillbilly?
AvB - That’s some romantic nose picking, there.
Melody - Really, where do they get the bandanas?
AvB - Also, I hate all their stupid head rags from Bandana Depot or Bandanas-R-Us
lizzie - There’s a bandana closet in the man-shun.
Cindy - Please Godtopus, don’t let my kids be dumb when they grow up.
Kolby - Poor dear. He ain’t never gonna change, idiot!
Blonde_Savant - Oh, barefoot and drunk in the woods, smart girl.
lizzie - Did he just tell her she’s worth more than a motel 6?
AvB - Charm is SUCH a JACKASS.
Melody - Charm needs to be kicked in his tiny tool.
Pinky_McLadybits - Gah, Skunkhair makes me sad for her.
Cindy - She never thought they’d make it this far? To a VH1 reality show?
AvB - And he’s crying again.
MelBiv - Dare to dream big, cindy.
Cindy - This chick is a bigger tool than her tool.
Pinky_McLadybits - Maybe she’d be nicer if they had the date in a double-wide.
Blonde_Savant - How does he have no clue how to be a boyfriend?
Cindy - Reality show violence is OK.
Melody - Actually, she’s already got in trouble for knocking the hell out of him earlier this
jM - Aww, they’re at the back of the shortbus.
Blonde_Savant - Amanda has an interesting view of reality.
Pinky_McLadybits - Did Skunkhair’s, um, underhair get lighter?
Kolby - Amanda has a Meth complexion.
MelBiv - Trina confuses me … she’s got a British accent, so she’s obviously classy, but then she dresses about 20 years too young.
Kolby - I think Skunkhair washed her hair. The darkness was grease.
Pinky_McLadybits - Are her eyebrow piercings purposely in a ‘S’ shape for Stew?
Melody - S for stripper?
Blonde_Savant - S for Stupid.
Cindy - If they have kids, she’ll look like Pinhead.
lizzie - Charm thinks his problem was the TENT?!
AvB - Clearly, that’s the root of his problem.
Blonde_Savant - These fools get $100,000?
Pinky_McLadybits - Charm’s bedazzled vest is the tits!
Blonde_Savant - Can you imagine the bandanas they will buy?
jM - They need to bring Tyra in and do some tool makeovers.
lizzie - Which they will promptly blow on tricking out the double wide and on coke.
Kolby - Look how scared they are, like they’re really getting expelled from school.
AvB - But at least they’re super sparkly!
Blonde_Savant - It looks like they decorated them by themselves.
AvB - That is a good word for this whole show, in general: alarming.
Pinky_McLadybits - If Tattool tripped and fell, I bet his hair would get stuck in the wall.
jM - Charm constantly looks like he’s thinking of something that’s about to break his
lizzie - Dammit. I don’t want to be sucked into this hot mess.
Cindy - Decision time.
Kolby - Oh, thank goodness, I couldn’t take the suspense any longer.
Melody - Charm cannot be that good in the sack.
Cindy - Just a tool.
AvB - Oh no he di’int!
MelBiv - Even the host is like, good riddance.
Pinky_McLadybits - You forgot your bedazzled jacket! COME BACK!!!
Kolby - Whoa, that takes balls, tossin’ the threads like that.
Pinky_McLadybits - “No one cares, Charm” HA!
Cindy - I have never been so embarrassed to watch a show in my life!
jM - When two tools fight, is it called Toolboxing?
Pinky_McLadybits - So, she just goes home with him and they continue to date in horrific
Kolby - I hate these people so much.
Cindy - Throwdown!
Kolby - Walk back to the OC, bitch.
AvB - Says Skunk girl, who goes with Chia boy.
Pinky_McLadybits - “Oh, her douche boyfriend is sooo much worse than mine!”
MelBiv - I can’t even think straight, I’m dazzled by Stew’s shiny lapels.
lizzie - DUDE. I’m done.
Blonde_Savant - I might need to watch the next one…
This post is part of Paheeba Day 2009. An explanation of Paheeba Day can be found in the Pajiba Dictionary.