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Don't You Dare Feel Bad For Them

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | August 1, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | August 1, 2017 |

You might have seen this tweet going around yesterday:

And with all due respect to Mr. Stein, fuck all that. There’s literally nothing about Scaramucci’s morality play that’s sad. The guy turned his back on his integrity, his beliefs, his profession, and finally his family all in the hopes of gaining political power and fame. He believed he was smart and slick enough to play the system, and he got played instead. He laid down with dogs and ended up with fleas. He sold his soul, and Satan completely fucked him over. There’s a reason that these are (mostly) clichés. Scaramucci had bad things happen to him because he intentionally sided with morally bankrupt assholes, and that’s what happens when you pick the side that gives no fucks about anyone or anything. Oh, and Priebus? Same for you, buddy. You didn’t like how Trump treated you at the beginning middle end? You didn’t care for how quickly and cowardly he showed you the door? Next time don’t stand by the guy who’s openly bragged about assaulting people, and who admitted on camera that he attempted to intimidate government officials for his own benefit. Because, shockingly, people who have no respect for laws or common decency aren’t going to treat you well.

All of which could seem like gloating. I assure you, it is not. I’m not happy that they’re miserable, because that would require giving a fuck about their emotional well being. And that, you beautiful people you, is not a thing we’re going to do.

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Yes, yes, they’re humans, and I should feel for their suffering and wish them happiness. Only their suffering is 1) mostly temporary, and 2) entirely of their own making. They aren’t suddenly homeless and penniless without any hope of a future. Nor is there a great social injustice or random act of god that made them unhappy. And, lest we forget, if these two assholes hadn’t been unceremoniously dropped like two perfectly grilled mounds of Trump Dog Gruel Steaks, they would still be actively working on an agenda which disenfranchises and harms millions and millions of people. Think about it this way, if they were still actively working at the White House would you feel bad for them? The fact that they’re no longer able to perform a job you wish they never had is what’s tickling your sympathy bone?

So, yeah, fuck ‘em (you too, Spicey. We haven’t forgotten about you). I can recognize their humanity and acknowledge their pain without spending any concern on their current emotional states. They helped Donald Trump, and Donald Trump fucked them. Until they see the problem with that first part, there’s no reason to feel for them on the second.

Emily Chambers knows you probably thought “bitch” at least once while read this, and she’s cool with it. You can follow her on Twitter, or email her here.