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Trump Trolls Republicans By Not Actually Being A Troll At All

By Emily Chambers | Late Night TV | April 27, 2018 |

By Emily Chambers | Late Night TV | April 27, 2018 |


So I don’t understand Republicans. Not just that I don’t understand the blind loyalty to the “free market” or tax cuts or shrinking government until it can fit into the vagina of a Latino person, who they then try to deport. No, what I mean is, I don’t understand just the general game plan. Not just their goals, but their branding and strategy. For a while, they tried to be the party of fiscal responsibility, but that didn’t go so well. And they also tried to be the party of higher moral values, but, in addition to Trump being their president, they’re kind of liars and assholes. So it looks like they’ve finally settled on being the party of trolls.

Specifically, the kinds of trolls who think that being able to end an argument by being able to stomach saying something so horrifically awful that the other person just walks away is “winning.” Case in point, I’ve got an uncle who is a Republican and Trump supporter. Years ago, we got into a Facebook discussion (the best kinds of discussions there are) about who remembers what, but at some point, he brought up the fact that the trains in Chicago used to run more quickly than they do now. I would have attributed this to the fact that Chicago went nearly a hundred years before making some desperately needed improvements and updates. You know, because Baby Boomers are essentially a generation of trust fund kids, but whatevs. My uncle, on the other hand, believed it was because we’d made stations and trains wheelchair accessible. He then went on to say a few not nice things about people with disabilities, which I don’t feel like repeating here. He said all this despite the fact that I’ve seen him be kind and loving to his nephew with some severe disabilities. He said some horrible shit about people with disabilities, but it’s OK because he didn’t really mean it. It’s the same reasons Trump supporters didn’t bat an eye when Trump mocked Serge Kovaleski. Trump wasn’t being cruel, he was just trolling all those snowflakes who can’t take a joke.

Only Trump super isn’t trolling.

No, dude, Trump means that shit.

It’s a weird line for Trump supporters to draw. The implication is that saying horrific things about people is cool and fun and, anyway, everyone thinks these things, I just have the balls to say them out loud (which, side note, no, my friend. No one else is thinking them. No one is thinking it’s funny or cool to imply the moderator of a debate was giving you a hard time by having the gall to ask you questions because she was on her period. No one outside of the fifth grade thinks that or thinks it’s funny). The further implication is that saying these things is cool, but meaning them is bad. Which is just weird. It’s OK to be intentionally hurtful and violent as long as you’re lying about it? That’s your philosophy?

Either way, fuck Fox News, Trump supporters, Newt Gingrich, Karl Goddamn Rove, and every other asshole who’s spent the last thirty years pushing an agenda of racial oppression and xenophobia, and is now just shocked that their party is filled with racists. Trump got you good by being exactly what you didn’t realize you were asking for.

Emily Chambers is a Staff Contributor for Pajiba. You can follow her retweeting other people on Twitter.

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