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This Week In Praising White Guys For Doing Totally Underwhelming Things

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | March 2, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | March 2, 2017 |

Hey, remember at the beginning of the week when the Academy gave Accused Sexual Harasser Casey Affleck an Oscar for being a sad sack living in his brother’s shadow? And we all thought, “Well, we can’t possibly award a white guy more for doing less”? But then one of the Lala Land producers acted like a normal human being in giving an award he mistakenly accepted to the rightful recipients, and the internet lost its shit about him? Like about how Jordan Horowitz is the truth teller we need? And we all thought, “But really. This is the limit now. We can’t find a less extraordinary act to congratulate a dude so profusely for.” And then this jackhole gave a speech, and suddenly everyone thinks he’s brilliant?


Yeah. It’s been that kinda week.

Trump spoke for an hour in front of a joint session of Congress, and God help us, the disabilities remained unmocked, “the blacks” unridiculed, and every single boobie remained unhonked. Which is apparently enough for the media to pretend Trump is now Totally Cereal about being president.

Like Seth, Dustin has pointed out that the speech Trump gave includes the same racist, bigoted policies and ideas as any of his campaign rallies. Being able to state that we should deport all Mexicans regardless of their legal status, or you know, actually being from Mexico, in a semi-coherent tone do not mean he’s now presidential. In fact, being able to read from a piece of paper without including wild asides means that his speech was only bearable, not good. His delivery of the shitty, racist speech was still bad. Which means Gentlemen’s C is getting an entirely new liberal application. In fact, if you are a white male who has refrained in the past week from committing a felony and have not yet received your award, please contact your local GOP office. You’ve managed to not super fuck up, and we should be praising you for it.