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Anthony Scaramucci Is The Goose That Lays The Pyrite Egg

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | July 25, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | July 25, 2017 |

I recently went through the unnerving process of having a prospective employer contact my professional references. It’s the part of the interview process I like least because it seems both personally embarrassing and like I’m showing off. “Here, take this list of people I respect and whose judgment I trust. Now I’m making them say nice things about me.” There’s also the fact that clearly the entire process of acquiring and contacting references is bullshit. I supply interviewers with the names of people I want them to contact. Their statements on my behalf, no matter how appreciated, aren’t objective assessments of my work abilities. All I’m basically saying is “I’ve managed to conduct professional relationships with at least four people who don’t believe I’m a giant fuck-up and/or bitch.” I’m wildly uncomfortable about the entire process, and I’ve never suffered the abject humiliation of watching my professional reference resort to lying while talking about me on national TV.

Because, Don, no one believes you’re sinking three pointers.

And it’s not just that we all remember The Photo That Shall Remain Unposted. It’s that we know Scaramucci sold his soul for a job in the White House. He purged any tweets that disagreed with your administration because he refuses to offer any honest criticism or pushback. The same way we know that you told Sean Spicer to go out on his first day, and lie about your crowd size. You keep offering up different morally-bankrupt-and-depraved spokesperson after morally-bankrupt-and-depraved spokesperson without realizing that you aren’t convincing anyone who isn’t firmly in your base already. You know why we think Barak Obama plays basketball semi-regularly and passingly well? Because there’s a goddamn video of it. Not because he sent some asshole (Rahm) out to tell us how great he is at horse.

But really if you need more proof that Trump absolutely cannot tell the difference between being an tough leader and being an incompetent bully, look no further than the 7:05 mark in the above video. That’s when a reporter asks a couple of really, super, very unfair questions about harsh topics like “should Jeff Sessions resign (because you keep making it abundantly clear that you’d like him to resign)?” and “Can we talk about healthcare?”, and Trump responds with this:

Screenshot 2017-07-25 07.42.59.png


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On the one hand, you look like a total dick, Mr. President, and telling a woman doing her goddamn job to be quiet in that condescending fucking tone only makes you look like a chauvinistic taint. And more importantly, why can’t you answer that fucking question?

Guess we’ll have to wait to see how The Mooch explains Trump was just mentally preparing to win the World Cup.

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