I promise things will get funnier in this post, but upfront, we’ve got to cover Roy Moore: The Fellowship of the Sexmonsters.
OK. There’s a lot to take in. Women are accusing Roy Moore of sex crimes because he’s such a good Christian. Repeated sexual assault is a mistake. Thirty-two-year-olds are making youthful indiscretions. It’s just a lot.
But that’s just the Sexmonster part. The fellowship part comes with this gem:
“It was common knowledge that Roy dated high school girls, everyone we knew thought it was weird,” former deputy district attorney Teresa Jones told CNN in comments aired Saturday. “We wondered why someone his age would hang out at high school football games and the mall … but you really wouldn’t say anything to someone like that.”
So here’s a thing: fucking why? Why is it that everyone knew Moore was dating underage girls, everyone knew it was creepy AF, and everyone knew that no one was going to do anything. Like go to the cops. Or maybe even reach out to the DA- oh, wait, they fucking were the DA. People working in the district attorney’s office didn’t feel empowered to call out the blatantly criminal behavior they saw in their own office. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
Which is why we need more women in positions of power in all fields. Not in some assholey-Mike-and-Mother-Pence “Women are more moral kind of way,” but because FUCK WE LET YOU GUYS BE IN CHARGE FOR A LONG FUCKING TIME AND WE STILL HAVE ALL THE RAPE. YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT DONE, GUYS. YOUR WAY JUST ISN’T FIXING IT.
Plus there’s the added benefit that if we have more than one woman present, that woman doesn’t have to worry about representing all women. She doesn’t have to carry her gender as a liability. More women means more voices that haven’t been as heard before. Plus women are fucking funny, and if that seems foreign to you, you aren’t funny.
Sam Bee is kind enough to invite you to leave. I’ll invite you to just fucking fuck off already.