By The Pajiba Staff | Guides | July 23, 2014 |
By The Pajiba Staff | Guides | July 23, 2014 |
We don’t want to stand in the way of fifteen minutes of gawking with a lengthy introduction here, but we do want to say about the Pajiba 10 what we typically say every year: If these are the kind of celebrities that you find the most attractive, and if you find them the most attractive for the same reasons that we do, you are on the right site. We are your people. You are our people. Please come back often. Bring your like-minded friends.
If you’re wondering why some of your favorites didn’t make it, please do check out our Lustful Tribute to the Fallen Soldiers of Hotness, where our Pajiba 10 Hall of Fame resides (a celebrity is only allowed to appear in the Pajiba 10 three times before being engraved on a plaque in our bunks). It’s a really good mix this year of new and old, and while I don’t have an official tally of votes from years past, I do have to say that this year’s number one may have been the biggest blow-out in Pajiba 10 history. That’s all the more ironic because there’s a fairly decent chance that, a year from now, he’ll be a distant memory (let’s hope not).
Beyond that, let’s get right into it: Here’s you 2014 Pajiba 10 in all their lust(er).
10. Samira Wiley Beauty fades. The hot and trendy dissipate. But there’s something about a best friend. And who knows that better than Poussey herself. A fan favorite early on, season two of Orange Is the New Black let us see what the Juilliard-trained Wiley could really do. The witty best friend became much more — to us if not to Taystee. A head-to-toe beauty with hopeful eyes that conceal nothing, eyes far beyond her 27 years, Wiley brings to the table a visible strength, genuine warmth and a smile that could light up the worst blackout Litchfield could muster. Big things will come for Wiley. And like best friends should, we will be cheering her on all the way. — Courtney Enlow
9. Sebastian Stan: I know what you’re thinking: Who let the pretty boy onto this very serious list? Let me assure you that this pretty one can handle the challenge. Sebastian Stan has been toiling away for several years in serious and not-so-serious acting endeavors. He’s bestowed his audiences with memorable moments in campy shows like Once Upon a Time and Gossip Girl and used his downtime to get shirtless and sweaty on Broadway (Picnic). Many of us would love to keep him confined to our own private radars. Thanks to Captain America 2, that shall never happen. Sebastian is very candid while admitting that Bucky and Cap are “a little Brokeback Mountain together.” This man is very comfortable with his sexuality, and you know what happens when you go to dinner with a man like that. He will sit across the table from you and casually sip his drink, head cocked, as it becomes apparent that there’s only one thing on his mind. He will whisper sweet Romanian nothings into your ear with that pretty mouth as you order dessert to go. Food can wait until later, you decide, as Sebastian whips out his Winter Solder mask to wear for the rest of the evening. Yeah. When you awaken the next morning, he’ll be gone. The only reminders of your strenuous evening will be the scent of leather and the feel of his chiseled abs indented into your cheek. You’ll wonder if you imagined the whole encounter and then firmly decide, “But I knew him.” — Agent Bedhead
8. Lena Headey — Here’s what makes Lena Headey attractive: She’s beautiful, mature, seems very intelligent, is an extremely capable actress (capable of kicking your ass, if you watched 300: Rise Of An Empire), and holds herself with a seemingly uncommon grace. All of those things make for a gorgeous individual, but that’s not why she’s part of the Pajiba 10. She’s on the Pajiba 10 because she’s also wickedly sexy, is a purveyor of lovely body art, and is, from all appearances, a goddamn goofball. Browse through her Instagram account and you will find all of these traits, not to mention an army’s worth of Lena/Pedro ‘shipping material. But it’s that lazy, charming, adorably insouciant sexiness that does it for me Headey is a staggeringly lovely woman who’s perfectly confident in her sexuality, but also totally comfortable with her inner weirdo — something so brilliantly, wonderfully at odds with the manipulative sociopath she portrays each week in Game of Thrones. She’s a worthy, deserving addition to our pantheon, and should you disagree, well, she may well have you killed. And you’ll deserve it. — TK
7. Tatiana Maslany — When I wrote my pitch about Tatiana Maslany, I specifically referenced her characters on Orphan Black to show how she can appeal to anyone. You’re into repressed soccer moms turned on by deviant behavior? Done. You like your women to get you out of your pants so they can steal your wallet? She’s got that too. Oh, you actually like to sit down and have thoughtful conversations about science and table-top gaming with a lady-friend who has a lady-friend? Just say so! But let’s be honest. When we talk about Tatiana Maslany, it’s not any of these women we’re talking about. We’re really always talking about Helena.
Kidding! We’re actually talking about Maslany herself. The Canadian actress is not only a beauty, but every interview with her shows just how warm and funny she is as a person. She’s as big a fan of Orphan Black as all of us, and seems genuinely thrilled to bring the show to such an appreciative audience.
The biggest debate I’ve seen regarding Maslany, though, is not whether she is beautiful and charming enough to land on the Five Freebies list. The question is whether you want her as a freebie, or as something more permanent. Because while Helena and Sarah might be nice for a short term fling if you’ve got some money or body parts you’re willing to lose; and Cosima and Allison are someone you’d date awhile before realizing your lives are too different to work; and Rachel would make you crawl out a bathroom window to escape the date; Tatiana Maslany seems like the kind of woman you’d want to hang onto for as long as possible. And I get that. But she’s pretty hot too, right? — Genevieve Burgess
6. Mads Mikkelsen — With a gently weathered face and the body of a Greek god, Mads Mikkelsen has managed to transform the iconic role of Hannibal Lecter from Anthony Hopkins’ leering, derisive cannibal to a strangely emotional, sexy-cool killer — a man who can at the same time, both repel and attract us. Subtle expressions glide across his face like the trail of a whisper; in a millisecond, Mikkelsen can expose the anger simmering beneath a smile, broken-hearted pain…the viciousness hidden behind refined demeanor (dude can wear the eff out of a suit). Mads is the rare, completely uninhibited actor who possesses us every moment he is onscreen (that he isn’t Emmy nominated is beyond RUDE). As a man, he is humble and gracious, quick to note he’s lucky to do what he does; who studies, but isn’t pompous about his “craft”. This is a guy who freely admits he started dance to “get girls,” and whose late-rising stardom seems to have kept him grounded. As an actor, everything Mikkelsen does feels genuine. From One-Eye, the mute Valhalla Rising warrior to his warm, gentle Lucas (The Hunt), to a manipulated, devastated Jacob (After the Wedding, Mads’ talents (dancing, cooking, kick-ass fighting) are as limitless as our adoration. — Cindy Davis
5. Chris Pratt — Chris Pratt is the ultimate boy next door. It feels like we’ve grown up with the guy. Sure, he’s played other roles (yes, Everwood fans, yes), but for most of us, Pratt will always be Andy Dwyer from Parks and Recreation. We’ve spent years giggling with Andy. We were happy to listen to his worst Mouse Rat songs, and chase after him on his Burt Macklin adventures. He was simple and he was fun, he made us laugh until we cried on a regular basis, and we had no choice but to fall in love with this charming, ditzy, squishy goofball. But it was a (mostly, maybe) platonic love—a best friend love. Until that one fateful summer that our cuddly best friend went away to Marvel Franchise Summer Camp, and came back… different. That swagger, those abs. Suddenly he’s not just gorgeous, but he’s everywhere. An overnight mega-ripped giant-billboard superstar. Yet even his new spectacular hotness is linked to our childhood nostalgia: he’s in our Legos, our comics, and our Jurassic Park. That’s why we love Chris Pratt. He may be 35, but he will always be that crazy kid next door, forever linked to memories of unabashed joy and belly laughs. And through it all, he’s still the same goofy guy we’ve always loved. So we may feel a slight twinge of shallow guilt for only seeing it now that the blockbusters have My Fair Ladied him, but there’s no denying… Chris Pratt is a stone cold fox. He’s gone from boy next door to multi-franchise mega star and all we can do is ogle and say “We loved him when…” — Vivian Kane
4. Anna Kendrick — We were going to write a blurb, but if you didn’t fall in love with her based on what we wrote last year (when Ms. Kendrick made her first appearance on the Pajiba 10 in the very same four-spot), we don’t know what else we can tell you. In fact, there’s really nothing we could possibly say that could endear her to you more than her own words on Twitter and her own actions in GIF form. She is perfection. — Seth Freilich and Dustin Rowles
For someone with such an intense need to be liked you'd think I would have figured out how to be less of an asshole.— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) September 2, 2013
Being well adjusted is probably fucking overrated.— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) June 24, 2014
The character I'm channeling for my Elle cover shoot probably killed her 1st husband. http://t.co/eXbk2zKpGN— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) June 11, 2014
"You're the only person in the world I don't hate right now" is as close as I get to saying "I love you"— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 16, 2014
Tip for businesses trying to establish social media presence: mentioning your vagina seems to help.— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) April 7, 2014
Ugh - NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered "inappropriate"— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) January 14, 2013
3. Chris Evans—- He isn’t just our Cap Ass. Though we really, really like dat Cap Ass. Like, a lot. A lot a lot. Chris Evans has the looks and the ability to play the brazen and cocky Johnny Storm. Then he can change it up to play the patriotic, inexperienced, and fully selfless Captain America. He’s got the satire game down with his turn in Not Another Teen Movie and his romantic comedy cred from What’s Your Number. He’s been nerdy (The Losers), commanding and heroic (Sunshine), an evil ex (Scott Pilgrim vs The World), and he shows no signs of slowing down. It’s a very, very good thing. — Jodi Clager
2. Emily Blunt — Everyone has loved Emily Blunt since they saw her fabulously roll her eyes through The Devil Wears Prada in 2006. Everyone. She’s that kind of actress — talented, gorgeous, instantly likable and relatable, and the kind of person we plebeians all kid ourselves into believing would totally be our friend in real life if we ever met. (The dinner parties we’d have, Em. John can come, too. Think about it.) But she hasn’t really become a huge star, simply one who has had steady work in a variety of roles, from The Jane Austen Book Club to The Young Victoria to The Adjustment Bureau. She shines in everything, though, even if she hasn’t become a household name. Many of us hope her action star turn in Edge of Tomorrow leads to more marquee titles, but no matter what, she’ll always reign in our books. From her heavy-lidded eyes to her often-present smirk, it’s like she knows something we don’t. (That something is probably, crossing my fingers, that she’s even better than her husband at lip-syncing to karaoke.) Her beauty is slightly unconventional, but what’s more fitting for a star who is taking her own route to the top and refusing to phone it in? She’s special, this one. She deserves all the accolades she can get. — Sarah Carlson
1. Pedro Pascal — The first thing you notice is his voice, singing not speaking. Every word whirling through impossible vowels and trilling consonants, until the listener’s lost in the dance of lips and tongue, the flash of teeth. And then he’s before your eyes, and just like his speech, his movement is all poetry and no prose. So smooth he cuts silk with each step, grace in motion, tension at rest, every hypnotizing gesture that vertical interpretation of the horizontal impulse. An intensity screams from him even while he is lounging, legs tossed akimbo, the lines of his form drawing your eyes along them, unable to rest at any one point until captured by his stare. Flames smolder in those eyes, and to meet them with yours is to burn. Steven Lloyd Wilson