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The Details And Implications Of The Worst Sex Scene Ever

By Emily Cutler | Game of Thrones | August 31, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Game of Thrones | August 31, 2017 |

The seasons finale of Game Of Thrones finally gave us Jon and Dany boning down, and it was one of the worst love scenes in the history of recorded motion pictures. I’m including homemade sex tapes in that category. Aside from Jon’s Fibonacci butt, it failed both as a romantic love scene between two of the show’s most powerful players, and as exposition for plot advancement. It was bad. Like a hot circle of garbage bad. But let’s really break down why:

1) The Format

Remember back in season one when people talked about the sexposition, and how useful it was in convincing the audience to listen to boring details about the history of Westeros? This scene is the opposite of that. Everyone wanted to see Jon and Dany together, and everyone already knew what Bran was telling us. Why the weird combination of Bran telling us who Jon really is and therefore his true relationship with Dany while also showing us his blossoming romantic relationship with the woman we know now to be his aunt? Was this supposed to be a sweet moment between two characters in whose blossoming love affair (some) people are invested? Because the way to really drive home how exciting and swoon-worthy this is isn’t to have the dude’s younger brother/cousin narrating it. I mean, don’t have anyone narrate it, but especially not one of the participant’s younger brothers. Especially especially not when you need the audience to not focus on the incest part.

Also as a quick side note, Bran’s narration also made it difficult for this viewer to not imagine him accidentally mentally stumbling into Dany and Jon together. Like here’s Bran, just tooling around all space and time, looking up details of Jon’s parents and his birth, when he decides to stop in to see what his older brother/cousin is up to. “Rhaegar annulled his marriage to Elia, and married Lyanna. He loved her, and she loved- oh, fuck! Damnit, I didn’t need to see that! Jon, bro … ish, don’t, man! It’s your aunt. She’s your aunt! Goddamnit, you can’t hear me. Fuck this raven shit, I’m out.”

2) The Function
So maybe it wasn’t the best filmed love scene ever, but at least it helped advance the plot, right? The characters have put together all of the pieces we’ve been given over the seasons, so now we’re headed to a final showdown. Yes, it’s humanity vs. the dead, but also Dany vs. Cersei. And now the possible wrinkle of Dany vs. Jon? Because he’s the rightful heir to the throne?

Fuck all that noise.

As Genevieve pointed out in her recap:

Everyone is acting like this is going to cause a huge rift between Jon and Daenerys, but Jon has already flat out said he wants her to rule. I don’t see him going back on that. Jon only takes on positions of leadership when they’re literally FORCED on him by others. If anything, I see him taking it as MORE incentive to marry her and let her get on with the business of ruling while he becomes Westeros’ most prominent stay-at-home dad because you KNOW babies are coming.

(Also, if you haven’t, definitely read that recap because there are some great sex puns going on.)

So yeah, Jon doesn’t want to be in charge, he does want Dany to be in charge, and he’s already gladly given up a throne for her. Remember? How he was King in the North? And how he was hesitant to bend the knee until he knew for a fact that she would be a good ruler? At what point is he going to be all, “Oh, for sure I didn’t want that shitty throne up in the North, where I’ve spent my entire life attempting to lead as quiet and dutiful as existence possible, but you’re saying I could have a different throne in a land basically foreign to me where I’ll eternally be an outsider thus reminding me of the most painful moments of my youth? Shit, yeah. Sign me up!”

And even if the show opted to character assassinate every last person, Jon’s army couldn’t beat hers. So at best, this entire conflict will be handled in an awkward conversation where Jon and Dany discuss the whole being related thing and the whole heir to the Iron throne thing, or we get to see how truly little Jon Snow actually knows.

What we’re basically left with then is a blown opportunity to either convince the audience that Jon and Dany really are in love (because the chemistry between the writers themselves are thus far not getting the job done) or at least deliver on a season-long anticipated bone down. Instead we get a monotone teenager killing the vibe by telling us shit we already know about shit that will never possibly happen.

Bran, next time, please use your all-seeing bird powers to tell the writers not to do this.