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In Today's Edition Of This Is A Real Movie That Totally Exists: 'The Velocipastor'

By Kristy Puchko | Film | April 23, 2019 |

By Kristy Puchko | Film | April 23, 2019 |


Sometimes a trailer comes along that’s so absolutely bonkers and weirdly intriguing that we have to wonder if it’s not an elaborate hoax. There’s been Book of Henry, Pokémon Detective Pikachu, and now The Velocipastor.

Need I say more? Watch the trailer and marvel at its majesty.

This trailer has everything: ninjas, battling ninjas while wearing tightie-whities, kicks to the nuts, a confession booth killing, “a girl with a dark past,” and a pastor who turns into a sinner-slaying dinosaur.

Here’s the official plot synopsis:

After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil - and ninjas. Gregory James Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski, Daniel Steere, Yang Jiechang, Jesse Turits, Fernando Pacheco de Castro star with Aurelio Voltaire in the Wild Eye Releasing title.


Velicipastor will have a home entertainment release this summer. But ahead of that, the film will play Texas Frightmare Weekend on May 3, followed by a Q&A with writer/director Brendan Steere.

Kristy Puchko is the film editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Wild Eye Releasing