I know, I KNOW. The internet is a treacherous place at the moment as we all dodge and weave Avengers: Endgame spoilers while still getting in our daily allotment of online bullsh*ttery. So in that spirit, I’ve rounded up a ton of
distractions trailers for things that have nothing to do with Endgame. This is a safe space, I promise.
For example — even this trailer starring Marvel’s hottest Asgardians has nothing to do with Endgame!
Men In Black: International — In theaters June 14
What I appreciate about this latest trailer is that it gives us more insight into Tessa Thompson’s Agent M, and what brings her into the MIB fold. Which happens to be actual agency and determination on her part! Unlike Will Smith in the original, who basically tripped over an alien and lucked into his spot on the team, Thompson’s character seemingly spent her life pursuing the mystery of the Men In Black, and in finding them proved herself worthy. That’s… pretty great! And just in case you still didn’t get the memo that this latest chapter is going to be all progressive, the marketing team goes ahead and drops in a clip of Chris Hemsworth calling it the “Men AND WOMEN In Black.” Because, apparently, they want to test the upper limits of how much raw sex appeal my uterus can handle. SPEAK EQUALITY TO ME, THOR!
Detective Pikachu — In theaters May 10
Well, THAT took a turn. Look, I just wanted some funny critter hijinks, but if I’m gonna have to sit there wanting to hug everything on screen whilst crying, I’M OUT (*she says, knowing full well TK assigned the movie to her already, and she has no choice).
Always Be My Maybe — Coming to Netflix May 31
So far Marvel hasn’t seen fit to give me more Jimmy Woo (unless he’s in Endgame AND THAT’S NOT A SPOILER, THAT’S A GENUINE HYPOTHETICAL), so I guess I’ll just have to settle for getting my Randall Park fix in this Netflix rom-com. Park wrote the script with co-star Ali Wong (and Michael Golamco), and it’s about two childhoods friends who reconnect after 15 years and … don’t hook up? Because Wong’s already got a sexytimez pal who is likely played by either Keanu Reeves or Daniel Dae Kim, just based on the IMDb credits — though if it’s Karan Soni I’ll also be delighted because he’s great. Not only does this movie look hilarious, it gives us more Asian Americans as romantic leads and also looks like it’ll throw some wrenches in the old friend-zone trope. I’m sold.
Hey, here’s a superhero thingy that’s not an Avenger!
Swamp Thing — coming to DC Universe on May 31
This show is, uh, troubled. The episode number was cut back suddenly while the show was still in production, and it’s unclear how much of that has to do with the creative direction of the series versus the corporate direction of the streaming platform. But either way, this trailer confirms that a) the show is still happening, b) it’s happening in a swamp, and c) it’s definitely going the horror route. I hope this doesn’t suck — it might be the only thing that gets me to pony up the cash for yet another damn streaming service.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters — In theaters May 31
This so-called “final trailer” continues the good work of convincing us that this movie will be absolutely chock-full of freakin’ monsters. Oh, sorry — “titans.” And that’s enough for me! But if for some reason, I needed something more to get my ass in that theater seat, I’d have to point out Aisha Hinds (9-1-1’s very good Henrietta!) is in it. And it’s directed and co-written by Trick ‘r Treat’s Michael Dougherty. And did you catch the way Kyle Chandler says “Oh my God” only to be followed by a very breathless “Zillaaaaaa” from Bradley Whitford? That’s the level of awareness I’d want from my monster-smash movie.
21 Bridges — In theaters “Soon”
Chadwick Boseman stars as a cop who hunts down cop killers, and on this one terrible night he hunts down some very bad cop killers who also have a bunch of drugs and WAIT A MINUTE, YOU’RE TELLING ME THEY CLOSE DOWN THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN TO CATCH THESE CROOKS? Yo, that’s crazypants. As a former longtime NYC commuter, hearing about bridges and tunnels being shut down makes my skin crawl. Hell, a subway delay is a riot-able offense — don’t you DARE tell me I can’t get home to my roach-infested walkup in “East Williamsburg.” Anyway, that’s not the point of this movie, which also stars Sienna Miller, Taylor Kitsch, JK Simmons, and Keith David — but it is 100% all I’ll be able to think about while I’m watching it.
Catch 22 — Coming to Hulu on May 17
This series, adapted from the Joseph Heller novel, looks … honestly, a whole lot better than I would have expected! George Clooney is playing in his crazy, bombastic sweet spot again, and he’s also directing a few of the episodes. The series also stars Christopher Abbott, Hugh Laurie, and Coach Taylor himself, Kyle Chandler — playing against type as a not-great leader of young men. I DON’T BUY IT.
And finally, Archer’s coming back for a space-tastic 10th season on May 29th, and judging by this trailer: they’re not doing “phrasing” anymore.
Header Image Source: Sony Pictures