I will never, ever, have a “smart home.” I mean, I’m not a complete tinfoil-hat conspiracist (I wear a colander on my head, like an ADULT), but I also don’t want to let corporate monopolies listen in on me just because I’m too lazy to turn on a light switch or type in a search term using my actual, physical finger. Sure — my phone and computer and tablet are already documenting me, anyway. It’s not like I don’t realize that. But, like, I don’t need anything ELSE spying on me. Not even if Google Home tries to appeal to me by partnering with NBC for this “A Very Ad Libbed Friendsgiving” stunt featuring Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, Maya Rudolph, Tiffany Haddish, and Chelsea Peretti:
They did a similar stunt last year, with Amy Poehler and Nick Offerman, and I am all for it. I mean, sure — whatever turkey I eat tomorrow will be disappointing, because it won’t be prepared by Amy Sedaris. And my dinner conversations will be less-than, and I, as a guest, will be less-than, and really this whole fake “Friendsgiving” thing should just make me feel jealous and dissatisfied. And yet, I’m fine with that. I guess what I’m saying is: Please, everyone support Google Home so they will continue to record famous people I enjoy, just hanging out together and being funny in a quasi-natural way, and then I can watch these stunts while flipping all the light switches on and off in my house and pretending that’s exercise. Or something. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go put my colander away.
Next up: The greatest film I’ve ever seen in my life. Even if it is just a trailer for an immersive VR mini-movie starring Michelle Rodriguez and Norman Reedus, directed by Robert Rodriguez, and basically ripping off Hardcore Henry only without the dozen or so Sharlto Copleys.
This thing right here? This might actually get me to buy a VR headset. But until then, I’m just gonna have to watch this trailer over and over and over. And over. And over.
Sorry, what were we doing? Oh right — trailers! Here are some actual, normal ones, because why not?
Aquaman — In theaters December 21
This movie continues to look like more silly, happy, colorful fun than it has any right to, but I’ll be honest — even if I hadn’t already been sold on it, Willem Dafoe’s top-knot would have pushed me over the edge.
Serenity — In theaters January 25, 2019
Written and directed by Steven Knight (the creator of Peaky Blinders), this thriller is about… boats and murder and stuff? I don’t really get it, but I don’t need to. It stars Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Djimon Hounsou, and Jason Clarke, and looks BONKERS. But it doesn’t appear to star Cillian Murphy, so no matter how good it is, we all know it could have been just a little bit better.
Stan & Ollie — In theaters December 28
If you’re looking for a serious movie about famously funny men, then this one just might be the perfect fit! Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly portray Laurel & Hardy in their later years.
The LEGO Movie 2: The Second Part — In theaters February 8, 2019
They added some really exciting new voice actors (Tiffany Haddish! Stephanie Beatriz!)… and then they gave Chris Pratt a second character to voice, which is supposed to be some kind of meta-mashup of Chris Pratt’s other big movie roles, and maybe Harrison Ford’s movie roles, or something? I dunno, I feel like I should be rolling my eyes at this development, but here’s the thing: I WILL WATCH ANYTHING IF IT INVOLVES LEGOS. This movie could be all Pratt and I’d still watch it. Such is the power of Lego.
The Intruder — In theaters next April
Uh, don’t buy a house from Dennis Quaid.
The Secret Life Of Pets 2 — In theaters next Summer
Here is a cat-centric trailer for a kid’s flick where the only things that happen are that the cat a) pukes hair and b) gets high. I love this movie already.
Header Image Source: NBC