By Chris Revelle | Film | November 21, 2023
As a non-parent myself, I’ve observed in others that parenting is an undertaking like no other, with peaks and valleys of a unique character that must be experienced to be fully understood. When I was around 9 or 10, I heard “gay” thrown around as a slur for the first time. I had heard it directed at me often enough that I asked my mom whether she thought I was gay. I wasn’t even sure what “gay” really meant, but I thought maybe others could see something in me I had not seen yet. Parents of children who identify on the LGBTQ+ spectrum seem to have the additional work of making a welcoming space for their child in a world that many times refuses to welcome them.
Incredibly good-looking power couple Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union have become a powerful example of affirming parents of a trans child. With Wade and Union, Zaya has been able to self-actualize and pursue life as their truest self, a beautiful thing that happens far less often than it should. Wade has partnered with Netflix to create a short documentary about the fathers of trans children called The Dads, and it’s a great slice-of-life piece. The fathers of various trans children join Dennis Shepard, the father of Matthew Shepard, whose murder in 1998 brought violence against queer people into new focus for America, for a fishing trip. We hear from each of them about their lives, watch them fish together, and then while they eat their catch, they discuss their respective journeys and reflect on the challenges their children face.
A pitfall of queer media that The Dads notably avoids is approaching the trans experience as a monolith. There is joy, there is sadness, and both have their place. It’s a bittersweet viewing experience, honest in its love and honest in its fear. These men show a tremendous amount of concern for where in their world their children will stand with so much anti-trans hate out there. “My trans son, who was born here, is not just being questioned with his rights and everything. His humanity is being questioned,” says Jose Trujillo, one of the fathers we meet.
For as brief as it is, The Dads packs a lot of emotional truth into its 11 minutes. Watching as a queer person, it struck me how rarely we depict fathers this way. Seeing examples of men with the bravery and heart to connect with their emotions and express them openly was beautiful. While I feel the bar for men being basically kind feels like it’s on the cultural floor and that we can overpraise people for doing the minimally decent thing (being kind to your own child), it’s nonetheless a much-needed positive model. Our culture is crawling with toxic examples of masculinity, so to see these men step forward as better examples is great.
As with all LGBTQ+ content on Netflix, it feels important to note that while The Dads’ unabashed queer positivity is valuable, the platform complicates things a bit. Capitalism is an ever-leveling beast that does not see things like the trans struggle for liberation as much more than material for money-making products. To this end, Netflix doesn’t really pick a side between bigots and the queer people they hate because there’s money to be made by both markets. As lovely as The Dads is, as much as I would love to see more things like it (because a lack of representation contributes to easy dehumanization), it feels like a drop in the bucket compared to the queerphobic drek Netflix offers elsewhere. It’s an unfortunate but important reminder that as great and humanizing as content like The Dads is, it does not reflect some kind of enlightenment on Netflix’s part.
All of that being said, The Dads is a great watch and a great example of cis-men stepping forward and leading with love. Even if it comes from Netflix, that’s worth something, and I hope more releases like this become more common.
