You Are Nothing, and No One, and 'Star Wars' Does Not Belong To You

By Genevieve, TK, Tori and Petr | Film | June 21, 2018 |

By Genevieve, TK, Tori and Petr | Film | June 21, 2018 |

Ahem.

Our team of producers is offering to cover the budget for a remake of The Last Jedi in order to save Star Wars. Share this and spread the word to let @RobertIger & @Disney know you want this! This isn't a joke, we're ready to have the convo now! #RemakeTheLastJedi #StarWars

— Remake The Last Jedi (@RMTheLastJedi) June 20, 2018

We will be consulting with Star Wars fans directly throughout the writing of the remake of The Last Jedi as the plan is to make a version of TLJ that is as close to universally accepted as possible! (You'll never please everyone, but at least it wouldn't be blasphemy)

— Remake The Last Jedi (@RMTheLastJedi) June 20, 2018

Iron sharpens iron and the best writing comes from a group of people who have differing opinions but can constructively work together for the best story possible. Not just one writer sitting in a room thinking whatever pops into their head is the best idea ever.

— Remake The Last Jedi (@RMTheLastJedi) June 20, 2018

The people in power think the fans who disliked TLJ are an irrelevant minority of basement dwellers who are just keyboard cowboys that will never actually effect real change. If you don't want them to win then spread #RemakeTheLastJedi and let your voice be heard!

— Remake The Last Jedi (@RMTheLastJedi) June 20, 2018

Yeah, I’m certain idiots online can raise $200 million AND convince the actors to remake a film that is Perfectly Fine to begin with and has grossed over a billion dollars worldwide. Excellent use of time and resources, friends. Besides which, it is impossible to make everyone happy because everyone has a different understanding of what Star Wars is meant to be and what the story should be. Some probably want Kylo Ren to win, some probably want Poe to just be a big damn hero and save them all. You can’t make a movie that does both. But, to be clear, I hope they do go ahead and throw their money in the internet hole.

In fact, you can “save” Star Wars by falling in a fucking hole forever and never tainting the franchise or its fans with your arrogant, sexist, racist fucking horsepiss excuse for a brain, you useless streak on a pair of moldy underpants. I am so fucking TIRED of these asshole excuses for fans. These people should all be lined up, and backhand slapped in the face one by one by…I dunno, Terry Crews?

I know works of fiction can have meaningful impacts on people’s lives, but if you’re gonna go through ALL THAT FUCKING HASSLE, can’t you direct that energy toward something better than remaking a fucking movie? Raise the money and give it to charity! Take the time you would have spent making that movie and, I don’t know, tutor children! Or take the money and make your own new, original franchise that you can muck it about to your heart’s desire. It’s just, like, of ALL the things to still have your panties in a twist about, this fucking shit is it? SERIOUSLY?