The Prodigal Daughter Returns: Spend The Holidays with Lindsay Lohan on Netflix

I didn’t think I missed Lindsay Lohan until I forced myself to watch the two Netflix movies she released this year. Watching Irish Wish and Our Little Secret, I realized what we lost when she went to ground after her career whirlwind of the early 2000s. We used to write about her a lot around here, and not all of it was flattering. She was a product of her environment, and her environment was toxic.

In 2022, Jamie Lee Curtis revealed that she was still in touch with Lohan, her costar in the incredibly popular and critically well-received 2003 remake of Freaky Friday. Not long after, Curtis informed The View that she had pitched a sequel and had discussed it with Lohan. In May 2023, both women were interviewed as part of Freaky Friday’s 20th anniversary, and Disney confirmed that the sequel was in the works. Freakier Friday is scheduled to be released sometime in 2025. Lohan is priming the pump this year by starring in these two Disney-esque romances on Netflix.

In Irish Wish, Lohan is Maddie Kelly, a book editor in love with her author Paul Kennedy, played by Outlander’s Alexander Vlahos. She refuses to confess her feelings for him and instead has to watch as he and her best friend, Elizabeth Tan (Emily In Paris), fall in love and eventually wed.

In Ireland to stand as a bridesmaid in their wedding, Maddie makes a wish to Saint Brigid that she be the one to marry the author and then wakes up in an alternate timeline where she’s the bride.

In both timelines, there’s a meet-cute with James, a handsome photographer played by Ed Speleers (Eragon, Star Trek: Picard), who challenges Maddie’s decision to marry Paul and tries to infuse her with the self-esteem she needs to “write her own story.”

You know how this ends. The wish is undone, Paul and the best friend end up happily ever after. Maddie and James end up happily ever after. Even Ayesha Curry, who plays the most supportive bestie and best bridesmaid to ever wear an unflattering gown, meets a handsome man at the wedding reception. Everyone’s happy. The end.

Our Little Secret, Netflix’s latest Christmas Romance, is more complicated. There are no convenient wishes, just life being messy. Avery (Lohan) and Logan (Chicago Med’s Ian Harding) are childhood best friends whose relationship turns romantic. Everything is going great until Avery decides to move to England to pursue her career and Logan hastily proposes in a bid to make her stay. The proposal does not go well.

Ten years later, they meet again when they discover they’re dating siblings and are trapped in that family’s lavish Christmas celebration spearheaded by the overbearing matriarch (Kristin Chenoweth). The two conspire to make sure no one knows their history together. But, as is the way with these movies, chaos ensues, including a sequence when Avery accidentally eats an entire bag of THC gummies and unbelievably doesn’t just melt into a puddle of goo. Yadda, yadda, yadda. A year later Avery and Logan are together, living their best lives, and are friendly with Chenoweth’s character. Everyone’s happy. The end.

Irish Wish is arguably a better movie than Our Little Secret not because any part of it is “better” but because Our Little Secret squanders Kristin Chenoweth’s considerable comedic talent and refuses to reward our viewing by giving her and Lohan significant screentime together.

Musical theater chops aside, think back to GCB, and Chenoweth’s turn in American Gods. She’s very funny and very smart. She’s incredibly good at playing the person who will cut you with backhanded compliments and drown you in saccharine-sweet, poisonous words. And so is Lindsay Lohan. But because this is a love story, the emphasis is on Lohan’s relationships with two bland, interchangeable men instead of pitting these entertaining women against each other. They managed to cast Chris Parnell and Tim Meadows without giving either of them a single funny line. And also wasted Dan Bucatinsky (Scandal, Grey’s Anatomy), High Potential’s Judy Reyes, and Henry Czerny who you’ll recognize from Clear And Present Danger and Mission: Impossible in supporting roles with hardly anything to do.

Say what you will about Hot Frosty, at least they knew what to do with the people they cast. Our Little Secret mutes everyone’s talents to deliver a bland story that’s been told a million times.

Lindsay Lohan deserves a stronger comeback than Netflix is giving her. Hopefully, next year’s Freaky Friday sequel will be the second-stage launch pad she needs.