I had questions going into this origin story sequel to an origin story spinoff from The Conjuring. I thought watching the flick would help. I was mistaken.
1. The daughter, Annabelle but known as Bee, of Samuel, the dollmaker, is destroyed by a car driving too fast. Um, spoiler. Then why was the mother concerned about Bee overheating during the tickle fight at the movie’s start? I wanted my old-timey illness death, damn it.
2. Orphanage regulations were pretty effing lax back in the day, weren’t they? “Hey, come use my house for orphans.” OKAY. THANKS.
3. How are these kids supposed to get adopted when they live in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and no prospective parents ever show up? HUGE FLAW, HORROR MOVIE. DAMN.
4. The house and the property of the dollmaker are humongous. How much does a dollmaker rake in before taxes anyway? Why aren’t there any dollmakers with yachts now? Seems like a pretty solid gig.
5. The nun is seriously terrible at keeping track of all of the kids in her care. How does she not hear all the shenanigans and goings-on of the kids? The walking around? The using the stair chair?
6. I want a movie about the scarecrow. What’s that dude’s story? I bet you can get three or four movies out of that one, yeah? Wait…JEEPERS CREEPERS??
7. So a demon can unscrew a lightbulb with its mind, but it can’t unlatch a barn room door and instead must slam against it to get it open? Um, no.
8. So the Jesus room that’s covered in Bible pages and blessed by priests cannot hold the demon until the nun throws a possessed Janice and the Annabelle doll in it, and then it holds it? But only from the door side?
9. So the demon got out of the Christ Closet and left Annabelle doll behind. So Janice/Annabelle is possessed by the demon. The demon left and Annabelle just stayed, like a toy waiting for demonic batteries? Why does the demon like that doll so much?
10. Did the dollmaker only make one of the Annabelle doll or are there actually 999 other copies of her?
Well done in linking the other Annabelle movie to this one, though. I didn’t see that coming.