Allow Me Step You Through Why Chris Pine In 'Wonder Woman' Is Bad News

By Kristy Puchko | DC Movies | May 28, 2015 |

By Kristy Puchko | DC Movies | May 28, 2015 |

Oh what a journey I’ve had on the S.S. Chris Pine! Like most of you, this dashing ingendude with the piercing blue eyes first hit my radar as the rebooted Captain Kirk of 2009’s Star Trek. And he was charming, full of bravado and energy. ‘Yes please,’ I thought, ‘I would like to see more of this charismatic man. Thanks!’

Then came a string of forgettable movies (Unstoppable, This Means War, People Like Us, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit) that made Pine just seem like another generic white dude (Sam Worthington, Liam Hemsworth, Taylor Kitsch) that Hollywood was trying to make a thing. Le sigh.

But wait!

The fall/winter of 2014 brought the releases of Stretch, Horrible Bosses 2 and Into the Woods. Now none of these is a good movie. However, each of them has Pine playing an downright bonkers character, be he a mental millionaire who skydives nude, an overzealous and fight clubbing kidnapping victim, or a over-the-top prince who is more in love with himself than any would be princess. And each time, he is radiantly watchable and hysterically funny. So much so that I’d say you should watch any or all of the above for his performance alone.

Seriously, his “Agony” was the greatest part about Disney’s sanitized Into the Woods adaptation:

‘Oh,’ thought I in my eternal Chris Pine musings, ‘I get it. He’s a Paul Rudd. He’s a handsome guy, but he’s really a comedian!’ Great! And now Hollywood gets it, clearly. Good good good. Chris Pine will stop being handed bland leading man roles, and will be given character roles he can really sink his scene-chewing teeth in! But oh no, scratch that because Wonder Woman.

Variety reports Chris Pine is being eyed for the male lead of Wonder Woman. And upon hearing this, I had a brief moment of “Good for him!” Before remembering DC’s got a policy of making their movies about superheroes 100% gritty, 0% humorous. So news that Pine could play Wonder Woman’s World War II pilot love interest Steve Trevor leaves me with little hope the role would give Pine anything to do but stare off into the mid-distance and deliver hackneyed dialogue about bravery or duty or something. Here’s hoping he turns it down and leaves this to some blandsome dope. Pine deserves better.

The team behind the Wet Hot American Summer series gets it. Pine will appear in all eight episodes opposite the likes of Janeane Garofalo, Jason Schwartzman, Christopher Meloni, Ken Marino, Amy Poehler, and patron saint of funny handsome men, Paul Rudd.

Here’s hoping he bestows on Pine much career advice and blessings. Kneel before Rudd.

Kristy Puchko would love to think Pine’s involvement will mean Wonder Woman will be more fun than a visit to the dentist of the ever-grim Man of Steel. But she’s doubtful.