film / tv / politics / social media / celeb/ pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb

Screen Shot 2019-08-26 at 3.29.46 PM.png
taylor-swift-london-boy-header.png

You Fu**ing What, Mate? A London Boy Reacts To Taylor Swift's New Song 'London Boy'

By Petr Knava | Celebrity | August 23, 2019 |

By Petr Knava | Celebrity | August 23, 2019 |


taylor-swift-london-boy-header.png

Taylor!

T-Swift!

Tay-Tay!

Tay-Sway!

TootSwootPootMootBooBaPaLooLa!

You statuesque spider queen from the future! You shouldn’t have!

A whole song, just for me?!

Well let’s just dive in!

taylor-swift-london-boy-1.png

taylor-swift-london-boy-2.png

Sigh.

Let’s dive in further.

‘I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal
And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey
But something happened, I heard him laughing
I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent
They say home is where the heart is
But that’s not where mine lives’

As far as laying out your milquetoast mayonnaise stall goes, that’s an innocuous enough opening, I guess. But then:

‘You know I love a London boy
I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon
He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet
Darling, I fancy you
Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates
So I guess all the rumors are true
You know I love a London boy
Boy, I fancy you (Ooh)’

Okay, firstly. Are you off your rocker, Taylor? Taylor, love, nobody enjoys walking in Camden Market in the afternoon! Partly because it’s actually impossible to walk in Camden Market in the afternoon as rain or shine it’s so damn rammed with tourists that you ‘walk’ there much as a piece of driftwood might swim through a river of viscous sludge. Between those slow-moving herds and the over-priced chain coffee shops and weirdos hawking tourist tat from stands that jut out into the pavement, anyone who says they enjoy walking through Camden Market in the afternoon is either a psychopath or a liar. In fact I’ve got bad news for you, TayTay: If your London Boy is taking you for walks through Camden Market in the afternoon, your London Boy hates you.

Or he’s just a posh twit who doesn’t know actual good London places to take a date.

‘Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates
So I guess all the rumors are true’

He’s just a posh twit who doesn’t know any actual good London places to take a date.

And I’m sure if he took you back to Highgate then you certainly would have found that all the rumours are true: Yes, London is absolutely awash with poshos snorting endless lines of coke up their noseholes, day and night. Glad that’s confirmed for you now.

‘And now I love high tea, stories from Uni, and the West End
You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends
Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride
Babe, don’t threaten me with a good time
They say home is where the heart is
But God, I love the English’

Pub, West End, grey sky, rainy cab ride. Sorry, London, we lived through the Blitz and IRA bombings but I don’t think we’ll be able to recover from this fusillade of patronising wankery.

Also, I’ve no idea what ‘high tea’ is. I’ve lived here my whole life. No idea.

‘We are watching rugby with his school friends.’

Posho 100% confirmed!

If I go into a pub and it’s full of the rah-rah red trousered posho brigade watching the fu**ing rugby, I’m put off drinking for a month.

‘You know I love a London boy, I enjoy nights in Brixton
Shoreditch in the afternoon
He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet
Darling, I fancy you
Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates
So I guess all the rumors are true
You know I love a London boy
Boy, I fancy you’

Taylor Swift saying she enjoys nights in historically poor and black but now gentrified and increasingly white Brixton is the most capitalist thing that’s ever happened. Taylor Swift singing she enjoys nights in Brixton to that beat has singlehandedly resurrected Fred Hampton.

‘So please show me Hackney
Doesn’t have to be Louis V up on Bond Street
Just wanna be with you
Wanna be with you
Stick with me, I’m your queen
Like a Tennessee Stella McCartney, I’m the heat
Just wanna be with you (Wanna be with you)
Wanna be with you (Oh)’

ALL HAIL HER HIGHNESS QUEEN STELLA MCCARTNEY, FIRST OF HER NAME (OH).

I’m staunchly anti-Monarchy, but the idea of being lorded over instead by a bland Aryan songstress makes me wanna strap on a red coat and prepare to give my life for old Lizzy.

‘You know I love a London boy, I enjoy walking SoHo
Drinking in the afternoon (Yeah)
He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet
Darling, I fancy you (You)
Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates
So I guess all the rumors are true (Yeah)
You know I love a London boy (Oh)
Boy (Oh), I fancy you (I fancy you, ooh)’

‘Drinking in the afternoon.’

Okay, now you’re learning, Taylor! One of us! One of us! One of us! Pass the £6 pint please.



Petr is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.




Header Image Source: YouTube


Review: 'Angel Has Fallen' Is The Falling-Stuff Threequel Nobody Needed

Fact Checking 'BH90210' E3: Shannen Doherty Lives in a Yurt? Carol Potter is a Therapist?





 
GettyImages-145930939.jpg

15 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Charlie Day from 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'

Jennifer-Lopez-Hustlers-1170194102.jpg

'Hustlers': Does Jennifer Lopez look like the real Ramona Vega? Compare the Cast with the Real Women

GettyImages-614935562.jpg

Where the Hell Has Joseph Gordon-Levitt Been?

GettyImages-52001882.jpg

Letters Supporting Felicity Huffman Present an Unflattering Picture of Another 'Desperate Wives' Co-Star

Dave-Chappelle-Sticks-and-Stones-Netflix.png

Who Is Dave Chappelle's Netflix Special 'Sticks & Stones' For?





hollywood-read.png







The Pajiba Store


petr-store-pajiba.png
















Privacy Policy
advertise