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Slutty Gollum Attacked By People With Sh*tty Taste In Music

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | August 17, 2010 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | August 17, 2010 |

On Sunday, TMZ broke the story that Tila Tequila, she of short-lived MySpace and shorter-lived MTV fame, was attacked at the Gathering of the Juggaloes. This was like a Mad Libs of stupid, and due to TMZ’s dubious source (Tila Tequila), no one really believed it. When the other sources started coming forward, such as a police officer at the event and a sweet gentleman from Insane Clown Posse by the name of Violent J, people believed it, and went from “bitch is lying” to “bitch deserved it.”

That’s… pretty fucked up. Let’s examine.

If you are blissfully uneducated in the ways of Tila Tequila, that means you’ve lead a goodly life and you have been rewarded. I’ll catch you up. Basically, Tila started out as a naked person and got a reality show for it. Since then, she’s had to come up with new and creative ways of remaining relevant, such as: faking abuse from boyfriend Shane Merriman, faking a lesbian engagement with now deceased socialite Casey Johnson, faking a baby with her brother, faking a baby from an unnamed rapper, faking a baby from a Russian adoption agency, faking a baby from aforementioned fake lesbian engagement, faking a miscarriage over Twitter (no, seriously, she livetweeted her fake miscarriage), and various other outbursts of crazy.

There are three possibilities here. 1) She is actually nutsack crazy. 2) She is pretending to be crazy to be famous. 3) She is actually severely mentally ill and she is desperate to stay famous.

If it’s that third one, this is scary. This is where entertainment has lead us. We as a gossip-watching world are fascinated by crazy. Whether it be Britney Spears shaving her head and locking her child in the bathroom, or Lindsay Lohan stealing a car, taking three guys hostage and leading police in a car chase while high on coke, we are completely intoxicated by the mental unwellness of the rich and famous.

There are two kinds of caps lock FAMOUS (by this I mean people who are trying to be in the limelight, not proper actors who happen to be famous, though there is some overlap - see Jessica Biel): there are people who started out fine and have been made crazy by the famous (see Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, Michael Jackson, and listen to Kevin Smith’s Prince story). Then there are the kind of people who are crazy enough to desperately need to be famous and who are willing to do anything to get it. Reality television producers discovered the latter category and have been milking their desperation ever since.

There is no way Tila Tequila is mentally fit or aware enough to decide what shirt to put on in the morning, let alone to decide to perform at an event populated by America’s biggest idiot dipshits wearing clown makeup. If she were our sister or cousin, we’d be hospitalizing her. But she is famous. So we laugh at her. And yes, perhaps this is her doing. Perhaps she is really just a hateful human being who wants our attention and is doing whatever it takes to get it. But I think back to people I’ve known in real life. I knew a girl in grade school who pretended she had cancer. I knew a girl in high school who pretended her father abused her. I knew a girl in college who faked a terminal illness for four solid years. What separates these obviously unwell girls from Tila Tequila except for a few thousand Twitter followers?

There is a fine line between famewhore and sick. When we laugh at both, who’s the sick one?

Follow Courtney Enlow on Twitter, and read her other stuff at

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