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Read Young Adam Sandler's Stunning Poem On Gender Diff- Nope. It's A Dick Joke.

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | November 26, 2014 |

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | November 26, 2014 |

It’s too bad that Adam Sandler is recently dead to me. Because if he weren’t I would be able to give him some notes about this recently uncovered yearbook autograph. Redditor teeejaaaaay found his mother’s yearbook with what must be one of Sandler’s first recorded dick jokes.

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The text reads:

My dear dear Renly,

In a couch you lay
In a chair I sat
With your my permission
You can feel my bat

I love you,
Adeem Saandlaar

But if I could talk to Young, Not Dead to Me Sandler, I would tell him that even though it is a dick joke, the general tone is a sexual innocence that would define his later (good) work. And that walking the thin line between sophomoric and vulgar will be a big boon for his career later. I’d also tell him that the “your my” part is actually a surprisingly mature way to respect the idea of consent while subverting the standard ideas about who is responsible for granting consent.

But mostly I’d tell him to never, ever take that gig as the Bar Mitzvah boy on “Weekend Update.”


Because absolutely no one thinks it’s funny.