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Pajiba 10 For Your Consideration: Jake Gyllenhaal (As Explained By Jake Gyllenhaal's Gold Chain Necklace)

By Jake Gyllenhaal's Gold Chain Necklace | Celebrity | July 1, 2019 |

By Jake Gyllenhaal's Gold Chain Necklace | Celebrity | July 1, 2019 |


Editor’s Note: Each summer, our readers vote to determine the Pajiba 10: a rarified list of celebrities who not only rile our lions, but warm our hearts, challenge our minds, and snuggle our souls with their work, advocacy, and/or personas. Ahead of the vote, our writers are each allowed one FYC post to advocate for their contender of choice. This year, Jake Gyllenhaal was such a popular choice that a couple of our Overlords were vying for the honor to sing his praises. However, when someone very close to Mr. Gyllenhaal reached out in hopes of penning a guest post, we made room for one very special, very personal FYC plea.)

I’ve never been much for public pronouncements of affection. I’ve always been pretty content to hang and be there for Jake when he needs me close. Typically, I’m totally content to nestle up in his dark, soft, curls of chest hair, looking up at his strong jawline, feeling his heart beat hard and hot beneath me. Still, this spring has been pretty exciting. After years of rumors that he’s a playboy bouncing from one It Girl to the next or that he’s a swift heartbreaker, people are seeing the Jake I know. And they’re seeing me on every step of Spider-Man: Homecoming’s promotional tour!

I was there when he and his charming co-star Tom Holland appeared on The Graham Norton Show to talk MCU biz and CGI silliness. And sure, it’s Tom’s movie. But—and I may be biased—it’s really Jake’s show. Just look at him here. So funny, so charming. And those faces he makes! (They’re even better from my angle.)

But Jake doesn’t need his face to be funny. Did you see when we made this hilarious video riffing on his Mysterio helmet!? Such fun.

And we had such fun at the premiere for Spider-Man: Homecoming, where we posed for so many pictures! The internet seemed particularly excited about this one. I guess because some guys were biting on my man’s style?

Personally, this is my favorite. We’re both smiling and just having the best time. Such a great night.

I do get why the internet loves this clip. It’s just so at the essence of who Jake is! He loves a good time. He loves Sean Paul! He loves a cheap thrill! And he’s not afraid to give others a cheap thrill, like imagining what it might be like to karaoke in the car with him! (You think his Sean Paul impression is good. You should hear his Celine!)

I’ve also seen the vicious rumors that this is some OTHER necklace being seen around with him. Hurtful. I’m here to confirm we are rock solid, and no tacky silver chain is going to change that. Gold photographs differently depending on the lighting. And this lighting is just not flattering to me. I was lit for radio. But Jake looks great. He always looks great.

And sure, he has his bad days, like any of us. But even when he’s in a bit of a mood, he’s SUCH a mood that he goes viral. Who amongst us can’t relate to his “melancholy” moment?

Kristy gets it (though her taste in jewelry is questionable.)

View this post on Instagram

Heading to a screening with Jake.

A post shared by Kristy Puchko (@kristypuchko) on

There’s so much more than cozy chest hair, a great sense of humor, and MOOD. He’s also a truly incredible artist. I mean, look at this filmography: Brokeback Mountain, Zodiac, Prisoners, and Nightcrawler. In Okja he went big, in Wildlife, restrained and still stunning. He’s reliably riveting and otherwise unpredictable in his performances.

Earlier this year, he playfully parodied critics with Velvet Buzzsaw. They ate it up, because how could you not?


Oops! Wrong gif. Can someone swap that out for this one?


(Editor’s note: no. No we will not.)

And now, my Jake is going to be part of the MCU! Neither one of us is much for superhero movies. Unless you count Bubble Boy! (See, I’m funny too!) But he really brings something special to the role of Mysterio. You’ll love him from the moment he shows up and furrows those eyebrows at the [redacted spoiler] as it [redacted spoiler]. And then when he [redacted spoiler]! Oh my, the faces he makes! It ought to be a crime to cover it with that dumb helmet ever. But then when he [redacted spoiler] and [redacted spoiler]!!! You just know [redacted spoiler], right? It was super cool seeing Jake’s [redacted spoiler] in that massive theater with an enthusiastic crowd, all while hanging onto my dream man. And it’d be wonderful if I could give him a thrill back for all he’s given me. A thrill like placing in the Pajiba 10.

So please consider my Jake when placing your vote for 2019’s Pajiba 10. And go see him as the sexy, face-having and cape-wearing Mysterio in Spider-Man: Far from Home when it opens July 2!