Is Shia LaBeouf Aiming For a Russell Brand-Esque Religious Rebrand?

Actor and accused abuser Shia LaBeouf has been spending a lot of time in New Orleans lately, seemingly on a mission to be arrested as many times as possible. On February 17th, he was arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery, having allegedly punched two men and head-butted a third. During that attack, he was reported to have used a few anti-gay slurs, most notably the F word. At a preliminary court hearing held last Thursday (via The Guardian), a judge made LaBeouf post a $100,000 bond to remain out of custody and ordered him to undergo drug testing as well as enroll in substance abuse treatment. By Friday, the local cops had obtained a warrant to arrest him again, this time on charges that he assaulted someone else. LaBeouf paid bail and left jail once more.

But don’t worry, guys. Shia has a really good excuse: He’s a homophobe.

In an interview with YouTuber Andrew Callaghan, LaBeouf blamed his ‘small man complex’ for his recent bouts of violence, but also made sure to let the world know that the real problem was gay men and not his own addiction issues or history of alleged woman-beating. He claimed that his alleged victims were the aggressors because ‘big gay people are scary to me […] I’m like, standing by myself and three gay dudes are next to me, touching my leg - I get scared.’ This is the gay panic defence, by the way, and no decent court has accepted it as viable for decades. Said LaBeouf, ‘I’m sorry - if that’s homophobic, then I’m that.’ At least he’s honest?

LaBeouf cited his ‘traditional Catholic’ beliefs for his homophobia. It’s worth nothing that he was not raised Catholic. His mother is Jewish and his father is Christian and he grew up with a multi-faith experience. He converted to Catholicism in 2022 after making the film Padre Pio, directed by Abel Ferrara. And one of his biggest influences for going Catholic? Mel Gibson. You cannot make this stuff up. So, you’ll have to forgive this atheist for not having much faith, no pun intended, in LaBeouf’s sudden piousness. It wasn’t that long ago that FKA Twigs detailed her experiences with him.

LaBeouf is still working — he was in a f*cking Coppola movie last year and is palling around with fellow loser David Mamet — but he’s not at the heights he used to be. Mia Goth reportedly left him — good for you, Mia — and now Shia’s just in a spiral of addiction, violence, and ego that’s simultaneously sad and pathetic. He clearly needs help but he’s also a misogynist and homophobe with a noted history of alleged violence towards women who is now using his faith as an excuse. Did you just become homophobic once you converted or was the faith a nice shield for your pre-existing bullsh*t?

Anyone else reminded of Russell Brand? Are we going to see this chucklef*ck doing baptisms on YouTube and palling around with Tucker Carlson next? It’s not like that crowd has an issue with bigoted thugs, after all. It’s so damn depressing how predictable this cycle has become: man gets accused of violence towards women and/or marginalized people (and also dogs, in Shia’s case), man suddenly decides he’s found God and made a totally organic rightward political shift, and man becomes the figurehead for an anti-woke crusade headlined by other people whose mere presence in a bar makes you want to put your hand over your drink. My thoughts are with the people of New Orleans, who have truly suffered enough as it is. And if Shia gets arrested, again, don’t be surprised if we suddenly see him praying on-stage with Nicki Minaj and Erika Kirk.