Hugh Hefner’s Widow Says ‘Teenage Boys’ Were Better in Bed

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | January 24, 2024 |

By Emma Chance | Celebrity | January 24, 2024 |

Never in my life did I think I would be writing about Hugh Hefner’s sexual prowess, which any sane person could assume was not great, and this isn’t even the first time. But I thought you deserved to know that the woman he was married to when he died, Crystal Harris (Hefner is her legal last name, but she has expressed the desire to revert to her maiden name) has written a book, Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself, and in it she describes the experience of being intimate with the famous predator—I mean, playboy.

“Hef was just going through the motions of something that had once been fun and sexy,” she writes. “Or maybe it was never fun and sexy.” She further described the experience of she and whomever else happened to be in the room taking turns mounting the man as “odd and robotic,” saying he would “stare blankly at the ceiling mirror.”

“He seemed less sex-savvy than some of the teenage boys I’d been with years ago,” she claims, adding, “It was clear to me Hef had never taken a moment in his entire life to figure out how to please someone else.” No kidding.

This is unrelated, but what strikes me the most about how women like Crystal and Holly Madison talk about their former captor—I mean, lover—is that they all still refer to him as “Hef,” which is a pet name, is it not? They’re describing my personal idea of the seventh circle of hell, and they’re using the devil’s nickname while they do it. Weird!

Harris said she felt “relieved” when Hefner stopped having sex in 2014 due to going deaf in one ear as a result of over-dependence on erectile dysfunction drugs, which is perhaps the funniest sentence I’ll ever write.

“There was no more bringing girls home, no more performances,” she said. After his death in 2017, she realized she was never truly “in love” with him, thank God.

“It seemed like a world of success and fantasy, but everyone’s having to sleep with an 80-year-old. There’s a price. Everything has a price.”