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Henry Cavill Attempts To Explain What Exactly A Witcher Is While Introducing Geralt Of Rivia

By Jodi Smith | Celebrity | December 9, 2019 |

By Jodi Smith | Celebrity | December 9, 2019 |


I am not going to lie to you. I owned The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt and I disliked it. Sure, Geralt of Rivia is hot for a video game dude, right up there with Leon in Resident Evil 4, but I need more than that in my video games. I played it for a while, tired of stuff I can’t even recall now, then put the game down and never picked it up again.

As such, I need this primer from the gorgeous Henry Cavill before I watch him, exceedingly hot for a dude, take on the role of Geralt when the Netflix show premieres December 20, 2019.

Boy is Cavill pretty. He did a fairly good job of explaining Witchers while also being redundant as hell. I’m sure no one noticed because he had his real accent fully deployed. I almost didn’t notice, but I gathered all of my strength to focus on the words instead of those full lips I would allow to do heinous things to my body.


As I was saying, Cavill’s chest has just the right amount of hair on it, bucking the horrible trend of making hirsute men go smooth like baby butts. A little bit of fur on the chest gives you something to grab onto when you’re trying not to fall off of the bed and break concentration. You know, I would let Cavill bang me like a screen door in a tornado. He doesn’t have to explain anything to give me a smoldering look with those beautiful blue eyes and end up reenacting a particularly NSFW scene from The Tudors with me.

Uh, I digress.

Cavill looks like God -or Cthulu or Big Pharma or Hollywood- spent a lot of time planing those cheekbones into just the right angles and formation to make panties drop whether he can hold a conversation or not. It’s almost like he was put on this planet to completely murder bajingos and play ridiculously muscular men that speak with either a boy scout’s optimistic outlook a la Superman or in grunted rumbles of quippy dialogue in The Witcher.

Do you think Cavill is an actual gift from a deity looking to give us a bright spot in times of turmoil? Because I would believe that quicker than that Mission Impossible: Fallout gif of Cavill reloading impregnates all those who gaze upon it -which is pretty goddamned fast.


Anyway, I hope Cavill understands that I’m just an entertainment writer looking at a FOINE man, asking him to consider joining my planned harem of husbands.

Jodi Smith is the Associate Trade News Editor at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

Header Image Source: Netflix

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