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It Turns Out That Gritty's Only Crime Is First-Degree AWESOMENESS And Alleged HOTNESS

By Jodi Smith | Celebrity | February 3, 2020 |

By Jodi Smith | Celebrity | February 3, 2020 |


The sports world was aghast when Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty was accused of assaulting a 13-year-old boy during a meet and greet at a game on November 19, 2019.

Flyers season-ticket holder Chris Greenwell filed a police report Dec. 21. He told the Philadelphia Inquirer in January that his son, Brandon, “playfully patted” Gritty on the head after a photo during a meet-and-greet event before the mascot turned and “punched my son as hard as he could.” Greenwell told the media outlet his son was diagnosed with a back bruise as a result of the interaction.- via Chicago Sun Times

Defenders of Gritty immediately started poking holes in the story, noting the padded nature of the components of the costume, most notably the hands. Then there is the fact that video of the incident existed and the Flyers denied any wrongdoing. The police concurred, ending Mr. Greenwell’s quest for an apology and “something special” for his (embarrassed??) kid.

There was no evidence that Gritty sucker-punched and injured the teen, although maybe that would have been less harmful than Brandon’s likely unending harassment due to his father’s claim.

Obviously, fans are overjoyed at Gritty’s honor being upheld and the beautiful fact that all headlines (including mine) make it seem like the mascot himself was in legal danger and not the person inside the costume.

That would have been a better start to 2020, don’t you think?

Speaking of the person in the costume, Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog (that is 100% definitely not full of former Deadspin writers at all) did a hard-hitting investigative piece about the supposed hotness of Gritty’s innards.

After listening to Katie Nolan’s Sports? podcast and then reading an Eve Peyser Vice piece where she insisted the mascot sounded hot, Kelsey McKinney started asking around. Multiple people that met Gritty insisted he gave off “hot” vibes (not to be confused with Big Dick Energy).

Thankfully, someone that has seen Gritty sans costume contacted McKinney to answer the question that weighed heavily on our confused boners:

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: An anonymous and trustworthy source who has seen the person inside the Gritty mascot suit confirms to Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog that they are in fact hot.

Jebus bless this kind of journalism.

Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.

Image sources (in order of posting): NHL, Philadelphia Flyers