I thought that baby power rankings were only for illegal daycare fight clubs and Disney/Marvel’s unrealized Avengers Babies animated series. I was wrong. Entertainment Weekly has a running list of celebrity babies and identifies the 10 most powerful children in Hollywood. It’s astounding that the list makes no mention of how much the babies can bench press or how many hot dogs they can eat in one sitting. Somehow they’ve decided that these are the most powerful babies—that aren’t irradiated and smashing buildings—who exist today.
5. Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr., daughter of Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
4. Prince George and Princess Charlotte (their new brother is at the other end of the list)
3. Billy Kimmel
2. North, Saint, and Chicago West
1. Rumi and Sir Carter
I disagree with this ranking. My criteria are just as made up as EW’s, but since I made the list I know it is correct, in that all of the babies were born in 2018 and are 100% babies.
5. Prince Unnamed Baby Boy, First of His Name, Dirtier of Diapers and Sucker of Nuks.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge leave St Mary's Hospital with their new arrival, a baby boy.— The Royal Family (@RoyalFamily) April 23, 2018
Their Royal Highnesses have thanked all staff at the hospital for the care and treatment they have received, and thanked members of the public for their warm wishes. pic.twitter.com/6tSLv9JX8q
4. Billy Stamos. Much like his father, this child is likely immortal and will be able to look the same at 54 as he does at 24. I assume this is because of a pact with a lesser demon.
3. Francisco Miranda has already written 2/3 of a musical with his older brother, Sebastian.
2. Story Annabelle Paul, because science, Bitch.
1. Tiana Gia Johnson. You know this baby is actually two feet tall and only looks small because her daddy is holding her, right? She will surely destroy the other smaller babies.
Skin to skin. Our mana. Blessed and proud to bring another strong girl into this world. Tiana Gia Johnson came into this world like a force of nature and Mama @laurenhashianofficial labored and delivered like a true rockstar. I was raised and surrounded by strong, loving women all my life, but after participating in baby Tia’s delivery, it’s hard to express the new level of love, respect and admiration I have for @laurenhashianofficial and all mamas and women out there. Word to the wise gentlemen, it’s critical to be by your lady’s head when she’s delivering, being as supportive as you can.. holding hands, holding legs, whatever you can do. But, if you really want to understand the single most powerful and primal moment life will ever offer - watch your child being born. Its a life changer and the respect and admiration you have for a woman, will forever be boundless. And to my third and youngest daughter, Tiana Gia - like I did when your two older sisters Simone Alexandra and Jasmine Lia were born, you have my word, I’ll love, protect, guide and make ya laugh for the rest of my life. Your crazy dad has many responsibilities and wears many hats in this big ol’ world, but being your dad will always be the one I’m most proud to wear. Oh and one more thing.. you’re gonna love rollin’ in daddy’s pick up truck. #TianaGiaJohnson🌺 #3rdDaughter #BlessesAndGratefulMan #ImInTROUBLE