Beautiful, Rich, Blonde Women Need to Stop Giving Life Advice

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | July 22, 2014 |

By Emily Cutler | Celebrity | July 22, 2014 |

I don’t understand Goop. Here I’m referring to the actual lifestyle newsletter and not its eponymous author. I mean, I don’t understand what its point is. I know what she states its point is, but who is its audience? In one of the few articles I have any knowledge of, Gwyneth advises that those of us looking for a last minute holiday vacation should check out the Ritz- Carlton in Naples, FL. What the? Dude, if we had the money and connections to get last minute reservations at the Ritz, we would not need a newsletter from you telling us to go there. So she clearly can’t be targeting actual rich people; they don’t need her. Is she marketing to twenty somethings with mom and dad’s money, but no taste of their own? Or is this strictly shopping porn? Middle class women day dreaming about the cashmere scarf Goopie swears is necessary for flights? I just don’t get it.

But as much as I don’t understand Goop, I understand Preserve far less. As far as I can tell Blonde Gossip Girl (Blake Lively) decided to follow in Goop’s footsteps, but with a hipster flair. Only instead of being open about her status as “higher up,” BGG pretends that her site is about art and community and bettering the world rather than just yourself. From her most recent Letter from the Editor:

I’ve found that when approached with a curious spirit, people are kind, they’re generous, they answer, if asked. They’ll often open their doors and hearts and let you in. Because people with wisdom have stories to tell, and want them heard.

and

So here at Preserve there are people, stories, essays, videos and goods which hopefully inspire your home, your style and your tongue. There’s expensive stuff. Inexpensive More expensive stuff. (FTFY) And everything in between. But their value, is up to you. We may romanticize it, calling it treasure. What we’re really saying is, we see worth on every level.

And don’t forget:

We’ve created this space to multiply our experiences. So Preserve.us isn’t just the U.S. It’s all of us.

And it’s bullshit.

Because buying shit, even when a portion of the proceeds go to charity, does not make you a better person. Because it’s a bunch of elitist nonsense that being able to afford nice things is a good way to improve yourself. Because being a stunningly beautiful women with a semblance of acting ability has made you ridiculously rich, but hasn’t really given you any experience with which to advise other people. Because being that rich has also put you way out of touch with what most peoples’ lives are like. Because $7 for a bottle of ketchup is bullshit.

Listen, actresses who want to spend money on tasteful things while saving the world, Oprah lied to you. You cannot nurture your soul with even the most stunning of salad bowls. I don’t want my couch to be a reflection of who I am on the inside. I want it to be a reflection of the kind of damage my ass imprint can to do a cushion on the outside. I’m sure we’d all prefer if you went back to proving how deep you are by writing terrible books of poetry