Amy Schumer ended an absolutely insane summer that involved wild praise for the third season of her sketch show Inside Amy Schumer, widespread acclaim for her first movie Trainwreck, and becoming a jet-skiing BFF to Jennifer Lawrence by becoming the opening act for Madonna.
At this point, Schumer is living dreams we didn’t even realize we had.
Last night at Madison Square Garden, Schumer performed a 40-minute set filled with jokes about her life and sexism in Hollywood. She scoffed at the press-pushed narrative that now is some new age for women in entertainment. “‘Isn’t it an exciting time for women in Hollywood?’” She said, repeating a question she was asked again and again on the Trainwreck press tour. “First of all, I’m from New York, I’ve lived here my whole life. I’ve been in one movie, and I don’t feel like a woman in Hollywood, but I think I can speak for them when I say no.”
She went on:
“In Hollywood, why would it be exciting?…In an industry that judges you solely based on your appearance when you know that every day you’re just decomposing, barreling toward death while smaller, younger starlets are popping out and you know you’re just six months away from having to wear a long white button-down and trying to fuck Michael Douglas at a Thanksgiving party? No. It’s not an exciting time for women in Hollywood. Are you serious?”
Perhaps these interviewers missed Schumer’s Last Fuckable Day sketch.
Stardom hasn’t made Schumer fearful of biting the hand that feeds her self-defeating beauty standards. She also tore into Women’s Health, saying:
”[Women’s Health] should be called, ‘women’s eat-just-enough-so-you-don’t-die-maybe. I can’t believe they have the balls to call themselves Women’s Health when they have articles like, ‘How to trick your stomach into thinking you ate last week,’ and ‘How to make your pussy have that new car smell.’ I did an interview with them, it’s in the magazine right now. …[they asked] ‘What do you think women can do to better their confidence?’ I was like, ‘Don’t read your magazine.’”
For all her ball-busting, bravado and generally being an “unapologetic bitch,” Schumer was rewarded by Madonna spanking her, flashing her panties and then miming doggy-style. (Um…yay for feminism?) Then Madonna did a bit with a “sock bitch” and a banana that reminded us why we’re all better off since the Material Girl got out of movies.
Kristy Puchko wants to personally thank Amy Schumer for making John Cena a big enough star to be a recurring guest host on The Today Show, where he’s killing it.