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The Single Worst Thing About the Entire 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Movie Series

By Nadia Chaudhury | Videos | August 8, 2014 | Comments ()


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There are many, many, many, many (one for each reptile) good reasons to skip the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The new theme song. The awful-looking CGI. The Michael Bay factor. The poor, poor Will Arnett. The Megan Fox as April (NO THANK YOU). But I can safely say it won’t be the worst film in the TMNT series. That would be the 1990 original, which had the gall to cast Sam Rockwell and NOT LET HIM DANCE.

He played the leader of a street punk gang menacing the streets of New York. He also wore the shit out of a black leather jacket, ripped jeans, and an array of silver chains. Sounds great, right? NOPE. Sam Rockwell needs to dance in order to survive (every contract he signs should include the clause, “My client must perform some sort of hip-swaying dance number lasting for at least three minutes”), and new TMNT let him down. Basically, they killed him.

To make up for this devastating travesty, here are some consolation Rockwell GIFs, dudes and dudettes.

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Nadia Chaudhury has taken to watching shitty Netflix movies during her work day, and watched Everybody’s Fine, where Sam Rockwell doesn’t dance, but does play a drummer in an orchestra, so that’s sorta close. Sorta.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Andrew

    Did he dance in Galaxy Quest? Or The Green Mile?

  • Andrew Jara

    Anyone who doesn't like the original ninja turtles is not a good person

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Aw, where's Charlie's Angels? That was how I was introduced to Rockwelling.

  • A. Smith

    I'll never be able to listen to Pharoahe Monch's Simon Says without thinking of Rockwell's nonchalant dancing.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Charlie's Angels did soundtracks right.

  • Legally Insignificant

    As they're both in the Marvel universe, I feel like Rockwell's Hammer should have some kind of cameo in the new Ant-Man movie, just for the dance-off.

  • A. Smith

    I remembered his character dancing on stage during the introduction of War Machine.

  • It'd be a crime against nature for that not to happen.

  • Maguita NYC

    Oh Pajiba I miss you and can't even take the time to comment properly anymore!

    Damn paycheck I have to actually do work for!

    The Dancing Rockwell is pure joy, however, I came here to share (screw you job for 30... 20 seconds) today's joy in the following pics. Have to back to work...

  • llp

    JEEBUS.

  • I was wondering when this would make the rounds.

  • Naye

    I just took my Lord's name in vain

  • Maguita NYC

    You were able to articulate something? I'm impressed! All I could do was stare and point. Too bad the fun was ruined and it was nothing but a mic... Or was it?

  • Naye

    They can mike itty bitty mics that fit anywhere now so... I'll believe it when I see it. And I really need him to show me lol

  • Sara_Tonin00

    whaaaaat....is happening in the left pants pocket there?

    (but I love flip flops with suit)

  • foolsage

    Sorry, but I have to point out that you're referring to his right pants pocket. The pocket is his, after all, and it's on his right.

    It also looks like he spilled something on his shirt (left breast by the buttons). Maybe that's what he's upset about?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    you are correct. I doff my hat. I should know better too, since I'm in rehearsals and constantly switching between stage and house directions.

  • Maguita NYC

    Why do you think I felt the NEED to share the pics with Pajiba!?

  • Good Lord. That's just not fair. Does remind me of a joke, though:

    There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later. So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says, 'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.' 'OK,' says the guy. He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,'You have one wish.' The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar. He tells the barman, 'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.' The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'

  • Maguita NYC

    Love this! Thx Q.

  • Palandt

    You must be confusing The original movie with its sequel because the 1990 TMNT is criminally underrated.

  • BarbadoSlim

    True this. That movie is fun and holds up.

  • DANCE, ROCKWELL!

    DANCE FOR OUR AMUSEMENT!

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