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The Dumbest Superhero Television Show in the History of Dumb Superhero Television Shows

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under TV Reviews | Comments (41)

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Starting on January 9th, NBC will unveil their new series “The Cape,” which has to be the balls-out dumbest superhero television show in the history of superhero television shows. The dude’s super-weapon is a goddamn cape, people, which he can use to, like, snag other people’s knives. It’s also made out of pure spider silk, which for whatever reason, makes it more indestructible than Kevlar. Spider silk?

Below is the promotional trailer, which is shank-tacularly hilarious. It’s about the last good cop on the force who gets framed for murder after someone staples a hood to his head. Yes. Staples. It also featured Summer Glau, Vinnie Jones, and a small person, who knocks out Vinnie Jones and delivers the delicious line, “Say hello to Dorothy, bitch.”

But here’s the thing: I’m absolutely riveted by “The Cape.” There’s something of an interesting origins story here, a nice dose of comedy (which should work well following “Chuck”) and, well, Summer Glau. It looks positively stupid, but I kind of can’t wait to see it.

Am I alone in this?










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Comments

Dude. You forgot to turn on your nerd function today. Did you drink too much yesterday? Was TK not gentle in his basement?

Spider silk is a remarkably strong material. Its tensile strength is comparable to that of high-grade steel (1500 MPa),[7][8] and about half as strong as aramid filaments, such as Twaron or Kevlar (3000 MPa).[9] Spider silk is about a fifth of the density of steel; a strand long enough to circle the Earth would weigh less than 500 grams (18 oz).[10]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_silk

Posted by: Scully at November 16, 2010 11:09 AM

The strength of spider silk is about the only scientifically plausible thing in that trailer, except that it's hugely expensive because no one has figured out how to synthesize it and spiders are too territorial to put them to work en masse like silkworms.

Still, Keith David is a pimp. This gets a look just for him alone.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at November 16, 2010 11:11 AM

Oh. I thought you meant "dumb" like Greatest American Hero or The Tick. Still, this has a certain charm, even if they used the exact same soundbite twice in the trailer. Rookies.

Posted by: melia at November 16, 2010 11:22 AM

The first time I saw the trailer I groaned because I knew it wouldn't be good but I'd still feel compelled to watch.
Heroes didn't teach me anything.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at November 16, 2010 11:22 AM

I will give this shot. The lead seems likeable enough and I like Summer Glau, Vinnie Jones and Keith David.

Posted by: FordbiddenDonut at November 16, 2010 11:23 AM

sorry, you are alone in this one.

Posted by: courtney at November 16, 2010 11:27 AM

"Veeerrrry interesting..."

"But also, stupid."

Posted by: NF at November 16, 2010 11:31 AM

Ooooo. Shiny. Pretty. 'Splodey. Punchy.

Yeah, it's going on the Season Pass list.

Posted by: stardust at November 16, 2010 11:35 AM

I'm in.

Posted by: sosumi at November 16, 2010 11:36 AM

I'll watch it as long as my kid enjoys it. When the teenager is done, I'll spend my time another way, but finding something (besides Chuck) that we can both hang out and enjoy - even if the enjoyment is due to incredible badness - is something to be valued.

Posted by: Reba at November 16, 2010 11:51 AM

I can't wait for the Velveeta product placement in this one.

I knew when Summer Glau was the latest Greta on last night's Chuck we'd be seeing her again in an NBC show. I just didn't think it would be this soon or this wonderfully retarded.

BTW how much work has Summer had done on her face? It seems very different from her Firefly days.

Posted by: ed newman at November 16, 2010 11:58 AM

Fuck that shit.

Posted by: Kballs at November 16, 2010 12:03 PM

Summer Glau's recent track list:

Firefly - cancelled
The 4400 - cancelled
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - cancelled
Dollhouse - cancelled

I guess what I'm saying is, don't get too attached to The Cape. It's not long for this world.

That said, beautiful girl. Would love to ruin a fantasy of hers.

Posted by: Fredo at November 16, 2010 12:10 PM

I saw a brief commercial for this--soooo much cape twirling that it's hysterical. I'm not saying it couldn't work; most villains will probably be laughing so hard at you that you'll get lucky and...I don't know, hit 'em in the eye, or something.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 16, 2010 1:05 PM

Oh, I am SO in. Yes, it's gonna be bad. Yes, there are only two real paths it could tread -- early cancellation or Heroes. Yes, I'm going to secretly love it anyway.

Posted by: esme at November 16, 2010 1:21 PM

I am 110% in, for all 6 episodes that make it to air.

Posted by: DemonWaterPolo at November 16, 2010 1:46 PM

For a minute there I though you were talking about No Ordinary Family.

Posted by: John W at November 16, 2010 2:05 PM

You lost me at Vinnie Jones...

Posted by: Simon at November 16, 2010 2:25 PM

Keith David! I'm in even before Summer Glau, which seals the deal.

I've met Keith David. Not only does he have possibly the most fantastic voice in acting today, he's a genuinely cool dude.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at November 16, 2010 2:28 PM

That looks extremely cheesy and extremely awesome! Vinnie Jones, Summer Glau... Dustin, I am completely with you on this one, can't wait to see it.

Posted by: Matthijs at November 16, 2010 2:30 PM

Summer Glau's recent track list:
1....2....Skip a few....
I guess what I'm saying is, don't get too attached to The Cape. It's not long for this world.

Similar things could be said of any actors or actresses. Ben Browder, Claudia Black, Eliza Dushka, etcetera. Most of this is due to the netwerks not having faith in a show (How many did we kill in premiere week alone?). I'll wait and see how it does in Nielsen before I stick a nail in it.

And the actor who said the Dorothy line is Martin Klebba.

Posted by: Kahntahmp at November 16, 2010 2:31 PM

The strength of spider silk is about the only scientifically plausible thing in that trailer, except that it's hugely expensive because no one has figured out how to synthesize it and spiders are too territorial to put them to work en masse like silkworms.

So, we'll breed silkworms that spin spider silk.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100929142137.htm

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at November 16, 2010 3:21 PM

Oh. I thought you meant "dumb" like Greatest American Hero or The Tick. - melia

You clearly didn't understand The Tick. And Greatest American Hero has the best theme song ever, as well as the best cover in an episode of Seinfeld. Believe that.

I'll check this sure-fire-bomb out, I feel like I have to. But I expect nothing. That's usually good for at least being pleasantly surprised. (Though, this was not the case with No Ordinary Family.)

Posted by: RobP at November 16, 2010 4:08 PM

. . . but schtupidt

Posted by: idleprimate at November 16, 2010 4:16 PM

Are they planning to have dinosaurs on their dinosaur tour?

In other words is this going to be a show about superheroes where the producers try their hardest to keep anything to do with superheroes off the show like they did with Heroes, No Ordinary Family, and Smallville?

Or are they going to embrace their spandex have a show with actual Superheroes, superpowers, secret identities, and supervillains?

Posted by: John W at November 16, 2010 4:46 PM

You are not at all alone. I'm in.

Posted by: Edith at November 16, 2010 5:43 PM

In the comics, The Tick even reads about a superhero called The Cape (though he just has lots of chain mesh and steel plates on his and gets major lower back problems later on).

Anyway, I kind of love seeing that it looks like the main guy in this trailer has no end of problems to deal with that all have circus-act-based solutions (being tied up with a padlock and chains! grabbing stuff from across the room!). I want to see those grow in beautiful improbability to Gymkata-like proportions, like he's trapped in a room with a bunch of people and the only means of escape is a tiny car.

Posted by: j. at November 16, 2010 6:11 PM

I'm in. This looks balls out stupid, but in a deliciously awful way.

Posted by: "luker" the barbarian at November 16, 2010 7:14 PM

I've met Keith David. Not only does he have possibly the most fantastic voice in acting today, he's a genuinely cool dude.

That's nice to hear. Keith David has a lifetime pass of awesomeness.

I'm still not sure it's enough to get me to watch it.

Posted by: MM at November 16, 2010 7:32 PM

Similar things could be said of any actors or actresses. Ben Browder, Claudia Black, Eliza Dushka, etcetera. Most of this is due to the netwerks not having faith in a show (How many did we kill in premiere week alone?). I'll wait and see how it does in Nielsen before I stick a nail in it.

True enough. However, while being a tad facetious, I am making a bigger point. Look at all the properties mentioned. They're all esoteric, high-concept, science-fiction shows. Now, either she's only pitched that kinda material or her agent can't get her anything that could help her advance her career beyond "hot geek dream girl."

Posted by: Fredo at November 16, 2010 7:51 PM

I adore Keith David. I'm totally watching this.

Posted by: Ruby at November 16, 2010 8:11 PM

I started giggling at the 1:30 mark and was falling out of my chair sobbing with laughter by the 3:00 mark...

How the fuck did this get green-lighted??? And I love comic book / graphic novel stories...but really, The Cape? Hahahaha *snort*

Next will be: "The Scarf", "The Ear Muffs" and then "The Beanie".

Idiots.

Posted by: TrickyHD at November 16, 2010 8:13 PM

Fuck silkworms. I say we go with the goats that produce it in their fucking milk!

http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2010-10/fabrics-spider-silk-get-closer-reality

Posted by: Jack Random at November 16, 2010 8:16 PM

this looks terrible. make a series for a superhero that already exists. how bout ronin or hawkeye? or dardevil? all super heroes without any true "powers", but kick serious ass.

Posted by: Taylor Kozakar at November 16, 2010 8:29 PM

Uh...no.

Posted by: Littlejon2001 at November 17, 2010 12:31 AM

Rowles,

You are compltely NOT alone in thinking "The Cape" will be both shitballs AND awesome.

I mean hell...I'm watching (and mostly enjoying) "No Ordinary Family", recently found BBC's "Misfits"...why WOULDN'T someone like me give this at least a shot.

We'll see what happens come January.

Posted by: Green Lantern at November 17, 2010 8:19 AM

If I wanted my comeback, I would have jerked it, spunked, and eaten it.

Posted by: Pork 101 at November 17, 2010 9:40 AM

that was one of the cheesiest trailers i have ever seen, there was nothing in it to make me want to watch that show- and I'm probably the target audience. I will be surprised if this show will finish a season

Posted by: yifatshaik at November 17, 2010 12:04 PM

I'm absolutely in. I'm so sick of "reality"-based hero shows where people are angsty about their powers and just want to function in the real world. You have powers! Own that shit!

This looks cheesy as hell, but that's what you get with a guy with a super-Cape fighting crime.

Posted by: TL at November 17, 2010 5:35 PM

at this point, shouldn't NBC just burn down its studios and run off with the insurance money?

Posted by: mich the dish at November 18, 2010 12:48 PM

I don't think it looks that bad. It can't possibly be any worse than the last couple seasons of Heroes.

Posted by: Erik at November 27, 2010 5:25 PM