The 2013 Grammy's Real-Time Review

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Everything I Hate (And A Couple Of Things I Love) About Music: The 2013 Grammys Real-Time Review

By TK | TV Reviews | February 11, 2013 | Comments ()


Hello there. My name is TK, and I have no fucking idea why I'm doing this. Some form of latent self-loathing, I suppose. Regardless, I haven't done one of these in a couple of years, but we're getting back on track. Here we are, the 2013 Grammys Real-Time Review.

I'm joined by a lovely six-pack of Brooklyn Winter Lager. My wife is at work and my son is asleep, which means I have to carefully straddle the line between drunk enough to tolerate this crap, and sober enough to put the boy back to sleep should he wake up. It's gonna be a war, but it's one worth fighting.

8:02 Oh, fuck me. Taylor Swift to start things off? Dressed in some sort of hooker Mad Hatter getup and clowns and dudes on stilts? I feel like I just dropped moron acid. Way to start things off with a cockpunch, Grammys. It's that "We Are Never Getting Back Together" song. BITCH, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE WANTS YOUR CRAZY ASS BACK?

Taylor Swift is seriously awful, you guys.

8:05 This song isn't getting any better. It's also not ending. I already want to drown in whiskey and kill God. IT'S BEEN FIVE MINUTES. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

8:07 Oh, but the good news is that it's hosted by LL Cool J, who just came in to the theme of Public Enemy's "Welcome To The Terrordome." That's surprisingly appropriate. He's boring me to tears with some blather about dreams and happiness. Just fight a shark and let's move on.

8:11 And now a performance by Elton John and Ed Sheeran. I'm glad that Elton is still getting pub, but I have to say this is pretty much just boring pablum. Also, Ed, get a real fucking haircut. It looks like a scarecrow shit on your head.

8:19 Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez. I've never actually seen this Pitbull fellow before. He looks like a Killer Klown with the makeup rubbed off. They're doing the award for Best Solo Performance. If fucking "Call Me Maybe" wins I'm going to destroy a planet.

It goes to Adele for "Set Fire To The Rain," a decent song with a dumb title/chorus. OK, I can live with that. Also? I adore Adele's accent.

8:22 Neil Patrick Harris! I love him, but he also did Smurfs. Let's leave it at that. He's introducing Fun., a band with a truly terrible name. This song... isn't terrible. That's the best I can do, though. They're doing that "it's raining on stage" gimmick, which really should have been retired after Pink's insane performance a couple of years ago.

8:32 Bonnie Raitt and John Mayer. A stunning living legend and a gigantic, purple velvet-tux wearing dickwagon. Terrific. They're announcing a performance by Dirk Bentley (warning: I probably got that name wrong) and Miranda Lambert, so here's to insipid, tepid limp-dick country without any soul or nuance. Fuck you, Grammys. Somewhere, I hope the Drive-By Truckers are slugging whiskey and throwing a TV out a window.


8:37 Oh boy. It's time for a tribute to Dick Clark. According to LL, "he is missed, and remembered." Well, I'll give you remembered.

There are two people I've never heard of performing as part of the tribute (I think?) and one of them is dressed in what appears to be television static. It's hard to explain. Just drink ten shots and smash your head into a ceiling fan. Same effect, I'd imagine. The rapper sucks, but whoever the guy singing is, he's got pipes. And they're somehow the ones who get to announce the winner for Best Solo Country Performance. This is an award where there are no winners.

It goes to Carrie Underwood, and my case, she is rested. Carrie Underpants is proof that the universe likes to eat its own shit and then vomit it back out onto our heads.

It's been 45 minutes and two awards. Does. Not. Compute.

8:51 LL Cool J is talking about his Twitter account. WHY IS THERE NO WHISKEY IN THIS BEER?

8:52 Fixed.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw are presenting, and they are completely and totally stonefaced. Absolutely bereft of expression. They're black holes in eveningwear. The winner of Song of the Year is...

... "We Are Young." by Fun., proving that you can rip off MGMT and a half-dozen other bands and still win an award.

8:54 Johnny Depp is here, dressed like some sort of zombie-cowboy Jim Morrison. He introduces Mumford & Sons. Can we talk about them for a second? I get that not everyone likes them (I kinda dig them), but what I don't get is the visceral reaction people get towards what is ultimately pretty unoffensive music. What's the deal there, anyway? For what it's worth, songs like this are why I like them now and then.

I look forward to one of you petty asshats condescendingly berating me in the comments. Always good for a chuckle.

9:02 Random pairing of the day: Beyonce and Ellen Degeneres. And Beyonce is flubbing her lines badly, mainly because of Ellen is gazing at her creepily and without blinking, because Ellen is awesome. They introduce Justin Timberlake. I'm secretly hoping Woody Harrelson's character from Friends With Benefits shows up in a boat. And the gimmick of the night is the olde timey grainy filter they're filming this through, which is stupid considering it's LIVE TV. But Jay-Z just showed up, and I will semi-guiltily admit that I love me some Jay-Z.

OK, Timberlake is kind of killing it here. (nods approvingly)

9:11 Kelly Rowland and Nas, who was apparently nominated for FOUR Grammys? Nas? Really? That's... kind of awesome. They're announcing the nomination for the clunkily titled Best Urban Contemporary Album. FYI - Chris Brown is in this category, as is Frank Ocean. I think we all know how I'm going to react depending on how this goes.

... Frank Ocean wins it. Every now and then, the universe gets something right. "Channel Orange" is a genuinely goddamn terrific album. He's disarmingly charming, too. That will likely be the highlight of the evening.

They just announced like a dozen award winners in 15 seconds. You suck rat dicks, Grammys. You suck them in hell and then you die. To think I'm DVR'ing "The Walking Dead" and watching this crap instead.

9:26 What the balls? I went to get a snack and I came back to Maroon 5 serenading Alicia Keys? Alicia, darling, you are seriously slumming this motherfucker. And Maroon 5 is seriously one of the worst things to happen to music since glam metal.

But my snack is the tits. You guys smear peanut butter on your oatmeal cookies and serve it with straight Bailey's, right? That's not just me? Good, thought so.

9:27 Kaley Cuoco and Keith Urban (who is sadly not Karl Urban) are announcing Best Pop Vocal Album, which I'm almost certain they've announced before, or maybe I'm just trapped in some sort of hell-loop. I'd like to see Florence + The Machine win here, or maybe Pink.

... but no, it's Kelly friggin' Clarkson.

OK, she was actually kind of endearing. But still, come on.

9:32 LL is talking about Twitter again, and is now starting every sentence with "hashtag." Is this what dying feels like?

Now we have Rihanna performing. I don't mind her, actually. So I have no snark to give for the moment.

Mmmm... cookies.

9:45 The next two announcers are Carly Rae Jepsen and some dude in a suit made out of Bondo®. They're giving the award for best Rap/Sung Collaboration. It goes to "No Church In The Wild" by Jay-Z and Kanye West, featuring Frank Ocean and The Dream. That's a pretty decent track, actually. The Dream is dressed like a 1980's rapper, and is surprisingly sweet. Weird.

They just showed a bunch more awards, including lifetime achievements for The Temptations and Ravi Shankar. Seriously? We couldn't see those? Suck a rabid dog's ass, Grammys.

9:53 OK, Kat Dennings is here. I'm OK, you guys. Things are gonna be OK. Because despite how awful "Two Broke Girls" is, everything is OK when Kat Dennings is on stage, introducing The Black Keys with Dr. John and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band. They're doing "Lonely Boy" and they're pretty much blowing the fucking roof off. Oh, Black Keys, I can't quit you. I even forgive you for that disappointing "Brothers" album.

NO, DON'T YOU PEOPLE FUCKING START. That was the worst Black Keys album ever. God, it sucked.

And then we go to Kelly Clarkson, doing a tribute to Patti Page and Carole King and I just blacked out from the abrupt shift in tone. She's doing "Tennessee Waltz," followed by "Natural Woman," and it's... eh. Not bad. Not exactly blowing my skirt up, though.

OK, she nailed the chorus of "Natural Woman," though. Well played, Clarkson. You're doing well at these here Grammys.

10:01 Now we're doing Best Country Album, because why bother awarding good music when we have this garbage to celebrate?.

The Zac Brown Band takes it. Of course they do. Well, they're better than Miranda Lambert, but they're still pretty much derivative country-lite slurry.

10:07 Ah, now it's time for the Bob Marley tribute featuring Bruno Mars.

Wait, what?

Bruno Mars? Really? Pretty much the only thing I like about Bruno Mars was the snippet of his music that was used in Pitch Perfect. And Mars takes a perfectly good Marley song and renders it completely unrecognizable. I guess we have different definitions of "tribute." And now Sting is on stage. Talk about worlds colliding. I must say, I haven't heard a new Sting song in a decade at least, but he can still get up there and put the youngsters to shame.

They keep cutting to Taylor Swift during performances, showing her awkwardly throwing her elbows out with a heavily made-up rictus plastered on her face. It's disconcerting and I don't like it. She creeps me out. Stop your spastic twitching, Stalkerina.

Now they've brought out Rihanna and Ziggy Marley. They're doing "Could You Be Loved," and I have to admit, it's working.

However, they just hilariously cut to Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman, looking just breathtakingly, unrelentingly white.

I have to say, while it's strange to have an award ceremony with so few awards, the new performance-heavy format really does benefit the Grammys. It's still way too long, and features some collaborations that fall flat, and LL Cool J is an absolutely wretched host, but it's not as bad as it's been in the past. The awards themselves are garbage, invariably going to people who can only barely be called artists. But the show is now a show, not a ceremony. There's something to be said for that.

10:18 Ah, The Lumineers. I know people who swear by these guys. This song is... OK, I suppose. So tell me, peeps. Are they the real deal? The entire audience is barking out the "HEY!" parts, which is really fucking annoying and weirdly, uncomfortably lemming-like. And of COURSE they cut to Taylor Swift again, who is painfully mugging for the camera. God, it's like she craves my hate. My hatred is like a delicious sorbet to Twitchy McStalkerson over there.

10:21 This leads into a performance from Jack White. Is it weird that I like every single Jack White side project more than I like The White Stripes? I really don't care for The White Stripes. But Blunderbuss is a damn fine record, and Jack White is putting on an honest-to-god fucking rock show here. And if there's one thing the Grammy's consistently lacks, its rock and roll.

I do kinda wish he'd wash his hair though.

10:26 Hey guys, Katy Perry's cleavage is here! And believe it or not, she just took a shot at Bon Iver. This has truly entered Twilight Zone territory. She's doing Best New Artist, and...

... Fun. wins it. Over Frank Ocean and The Lumineers (and a couple of other shmoes). I'm calling bullshit on this one. Ocean got robbed on this. I blame Katy Perry's boobs. I do believe I'm going to give them a stern talking-to.


10:34 Someone named Hunter Hayes is performing, and he is over-emoting so badly that it's causing me to grind my molars into dust. And now he's introducing Carrie Underpants, and I'd like to say to my boy that if you wanted to choose a moment to wake up screaming and drag me away from this, now is the fucking time.


Little bug?

Baby bear? Hello?



Now it's time for Record Of The Year, being introduced by Prince, who is fucking PRINCE, people. There's no need for anything else. I don't give a fuck that he showed up looking like he's heading for a drink at the gay Mos Eisley Cantina. He's fucking Prince. Anyway, the winner is...

... Gotye and Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used To Know." Kimbra looks like a ballerina that smeared an exploded flamingo all over herself. Anyway, this song is... whatever. It's so goddamn ubiquitous that I've lost the ability to be objective about it. They're both a little overwhelmed by the fact that they were handed an award by Prince, which is appropriate.

10:49 Whoa, they just came back from commercial into a very nice little Dave Brubeck tribute by Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke and Kenny Garrett. But of course, we only get 30 seconds of it, because why would we want to hear more of such a gorgeous, classic piece of music?

Fuck your mother, Grammys.

Anyway, Justin Timberlake is here giving the Grammys' Very Important Message of the night. Oh, and that marvel of canned douchery, Ryan Seacrest is there as well. They're talking about music teachers, which is actually very nice, even if it feels a little forced and generic. And now, it's time for the Dead People Montage.

We lost another Bee Gee? AND A MONKEE? IN THE SAME YEAR?


10:57 Elton John, Mumford and Sons, Mavis Staples, and T-Bone Burnett is here, singing "The Weight" and yeah, this is doing it for me in a big way. There's also Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes, who I've never heard of, but she just blew up the joint with her verse.

Elton John, Zac Brown, T Bone Burnett, Mavis... by IdolxMuzic

There was just a commercial where LL Cool J rapped about CBS. I do believe that's the final stage of selling out. It's as far as you can go without simply tattooing brand names onto your face and cutting your dick off, encasing it in Lucite and delivering it to Nancy Tellem.

Some dude named Juanes just did a solid little cover of "I Hope You Don't Mind," and then introduced Frank Ocean, who is wearing a lemon yellow suit and a headband. And yet, he's owning it. He's doing "Forrest Gump," a song that on paper doesn't seem like it should work, but here we are.

11:15 Adele, all preggo, here to introduce Album Of The Year. God, please don't be Fun. I'd be cool with any of the other four.

Babel, by Mumford and Sons wins it. OK, out of those four, they're fourth. Beating out Frank Ocean, The Black Keys, and Jack White? Ehhhh, talk about going for the safe pick. Ironically, Justin Beiber's manager notoriously went on a Twitter rant about how The Beebs album Believe was snubbed. That's just... precious.

And for the final performance, it's LL Cool J performing with Chuck D, Travis Barker and Tom Morello doing a medley that starts with "Welcome To The Terrordome." Now we're talking. You know, LL may be a sad little commercial sellout, but he's bringing it here. It would be nice to see a little more Chuck D though, you know? It's not like he's a damn rap legend or anything. Morello's solo is off the chain, though, and it segues into a little slice of "No Sleep Til Brooklyn."

... aaand CBS is cutting this short so they can cram in their sponsors. Thanks, you shitmonkeys.

So there you have it. I think they actually showed 10 awards total during this three and a half hour show, which is a bit ridiculous. That said, this was certainly better than it has been. It could still be both tightened up (less superfluous crap) and more diversified (maybe show some of the rock/metal categories? Hmmm?)

Christ, I'm tired. Good night, or morning, or whatever.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Az

    My fixation with Jack White finally crossed over into unhealthy.

  • ,

    "Somewhere, I hope the Drive-By Truckers are slugging whiskey and throwing a TV out a window."


  • Patty O'Green

    "I have to carefully straddle the line between drunk enough to tolerate
    this crap, and sober enough to put the boy back to sleep should he wake

    This spoke to me on a *spiritual level.

  • Patty O'Green


  • AudioSuede

    Oh, and if anyone badmouths JT in this thread, I am going to cut. a. motherf***er.

    Believe that.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    I'm late to the party, but I just want to say-- John Mayer, it's not Halloween so I can only conclude you are actually someone's zombie prom date circa 1973, and warn you I'm coming with a shotgun.

  • It took two lines to get me to bliss:

    This song isn’t getting any better. It’s also not ending. I already want to drown in whiskey and kill God. IT’S BEEN FIVE MINUTES. WHAT WAS I THINKING?

  • MissAmynae

    Shit, I have so many comments and agree-ings, but I'm in the middle of Cymbalta withdrawals and can't keep food straight or thoughts down, so heres the short version. Mumford & Sons- kick ass genuine musicians. Alabama Shakes- all the badassery. Fuck Yeah Frank Ocean. Jack White- the next T-Bone Burnett. Katy Perry- BOOOOOOOOOOOOBIIIIEEEESSSSSSSSS LUSCIOUS LUSCIOUS BOOBIES.

    and yeah, well-written. love you love the show.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Christ, Cymbalta withdrawal is scary. Moral support and empathy to you, my lady.

  • MissAmynae

    Thank you, that means so much to me, truly. We had a setback Sunday night, so its back to square one until the herbal replacements get more into my system. Then we'll try again. Yippee!

  • Mrs. Julien

    The online withdrawal information is terrifying. I was halving doses and portioning out grains because I was so scared, but, and this is the important part, I am totally fine now, and you will be too. I swore to Mr. Julien that I would never go on Cymbalta again because I never wanted to have to come off Cymbalta again.
    //virtual hug//

    Subject: [jiba] Re: The 2013 Grammy's Real-Time Review

  • MissAmynae

    **hugs** back :-) I'm glad you made it through and are doing well! Thanks for the reassurance, I appreciate it very much.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I'm sure someone's already mentioned it but I don't feel like reading through 60 comments to find out...

    You wrote: 11:15 Adele, all preggo, here to introduce Album Of The Year. God,
    please don’t be Fun. I’d be cool with any of the other four.

    Pretty sure she had her baby about 4 - 5 months ago. Unless there's another Adele running around at the Grammys.

  • jim slemaker

    Thought the Grammy's moved along very well, especially since we Tivo'd it and didn't catch-up until the third hour. The fact that so few awards are actually given is what makes the Grammy's the most watchable of all the awards programs. Loved the Bob Marley tribute. And don't you know that the thing Gotye will remember most is not the Grammy, but that Prince said "I just love this song" as he read the winner's name. Very cool moment.

    I think the JT 2.0 is major career miscalculation. He's dangerously close to Caesar's Palace with that big band schtick, which doesn't mask the featherweight nature of the new songs.

  • par1964

    Everything I hate about TK .... he's a douche of epic proportions. Just sayin ...... see ya.

  • Robert

    Johnny Depp was dressed as his pirate character in Chocolat dressed as Steven Tyler dressed as a Grammy presenter. It was very meta.

  • Az

    This is funny cause when Johnny Depp showed up I asked my sister, "Since when did he hire Stven Tyler as his stylist?" And then my sister told me to stop being such a bitch.

  • AudioSuede

    It's really a shame that you don't like the second-best Black Keys album (after Magic Potion).


    Deal with it.

    Also, thank you for thinking what I thought about that Frank Ocean performance: Dude was bringing a really emotional performance, and everybody was bitching about pitch issues. I was like, 'People, jesus, it's not OPERA, he's laying out his heart here. Pick up a fucking soul record and tell me they're always fucking on pitch.'

    Hypothetical assholes.

  • TK

    1) Rubber Factory

    2) Magic Potion

    3) The Big Come Up

    4) Attack and Release

    5) El Camino

    6) Thickfreakness

    7) Brothers

    Honorable mention for Chulahoma, which would be in the top three except it's so damn short.

    SUCK IT.

  • AudioSuede

    "Never Gonna Give You Up" alone is worth ten "El Camino"s. Though it helps having "Howlin' For You," "Tighten Up," "Everlasting Light," "Next Girl," "The Only One," and "These Days" to elevate things.

    Oh, and for the record, nothing Jack White's done since The White Stripes broke up has come close to the brilliance of 5/6 of The White Stripes' albums, because Jack White lost his experimental edge and became one more jam-band-rockabilly type to add to the piles of others.


  • oilybohunk7

    I love Mumford & Sons and I don't care what anyone has to say about it.
    Kelly Clarkson deserves all of the great things, she is delightful and can actually sing.
    I want to murder Fun., I want to murder them with fire.
    I used to work at a hotel and Chuck D was one of the friendliest, most personable celebrities that I have met, along with George Carlin and Tony Bennet.

  • babykangarootribbiani

    i don;t want to make anyone feel old, but my mom said almost the exact same thing during that wretched opening song: "why does she think anyone wants to get back together with her anyway?"
    i also think considering she was nominated for one terrible song that is worse than some kiz-bop that she paid somebody to keep showing her being "supportive" because everyone saw her sourpout face at the golden globes and noticed she was gone by the time tina and amy took the stage again (team tina all the way!!)

  • Is John Meyer Tim Burton and Helena Bohnam Carter's love child?

  • SpyKi

    you have terrible taste in music.

  • TK

    You're adorable.

  • e jerry powell

    Zac Brown is a whole bucket of cute.
    Zac Cockrell is also a bucket of cute.

    I am too old to be lusting after cute rock stars named Zac.

  • I'll give you Dierks Bentley, but leave Miranda Lambert alone. She's a flawless human being and decent musician to boot.

  • kilmo

    Agreed! Plus, she's the only one who actively hates on Chris Brown.

  • "I feel like I just dropped moron acid." Awesome. Using it. I'm not sure she deserves the full brunt of it. But dammit does Taylor Swift just annoy the shit out of me and serve as the poster child of the shitty music/entertainment industry.

  • TheEmpress

    We had Alabama Shakes, "I Found You" as our first dance song at our wedding last May! I am so glad they are blowing up, they're AMAZING!

  • This recap and the picture of Ellen strongly considering going in for a motorboat on Katie Perry are the two best things that came out of the Grammys.

  • CosmoNewanda

    That picture of John Mayer looks like a strange love child between Johnny Depp and Jared Leto. It leaves me this aroused but very dirty feeling.

  • jM

    … but no, it’s Kelly friggin’ Clarkson.
    OK, she was actually kind of endearing. But still, come on.

    Nice try, bruv. Your not-so-secret love for Kelly Clarkson has been well documented. Don't fight it, Teeks. What doesn't kill you makes you Stronger.

  • Jezzer

    We all know "Because of You" was written about TK.

  • Brown

    So much for the tabloids saying Swift got a boob job.

  • Bert_McGurt

    This was so awesome I'd like to see you and Courtney team up for the next live-blog of whatever. Skype it or some sh*t, I don't care how you do it.

    I have to ask, TK: are you acquainted with the musical stylings of the late schizophrenic bus-riding balladeer of Chicago, Wesley Willis? Because some off those turns of phrase up there would be right at home on one of his tracks.

  • I'd chip in for a ticket to get you two in the same place, but we'll need a multi-media live blog...

  • Bodhi


  • Bert_McGurt

    They're tired of looking at that nappy wheatsack!

  • Natallica

    Same here about Jack White. I really don't care about The White Stripes, except for one or two songs, but "Blunderbuss" blew my mind: his guitar playing is amazing, and all his female collaborators there kick ass. I also love his pairing with Alison Mosshart on The Dead Wheater, the man certainly knows how to choose his girls

  • Rilez311

    I could be wrong but pretty sure Adele is not preggo anymore. She had that shit already. She's just post preggo.

  • Mrs. Beasley

    I don't think Adele is pregnant anymore...of course her fancy couch cover dress.wasn't the most flattering, but still!

  • Natallica

    She isn't, her baby is already like two months old

  • TK

    Then that's super awkward, because the guys from Mumford & Sons referred to her as being pregnant when they came up. That's the only reason I even mentioned it.

  • Mrs. Beasley

    My husband says he would never ask a woman if she's pregnant even if its obvious, because its dangerous territory. Even worse to be wrong on national tv.

  • Kballs

    Put me in that category. But the Mumford fellows are the type of Irish that come straight from Ireland so their minds are dulled from all the consumption.

  • Adele herself made a joke when she was presenting. "Others won Album of the Year and went on to great success. Some got knocked up."

  • Also: I was going along with the whole thing, you know? Irrelevance, Milli Vanilli, whatever, I loved the show. That being said, every damn year they piss me off somehow...

    This year's Aging is Not for Wusses Award goes to Sting for out-singing Bruno Mars and Co. (Last year's went to Stevie Nicks for showing Miss Taylor how its done.)

    WTF CBS: for stepping all over the Brubeck tribute, and the LL Cool J jam at the end, I realize he's your boy now, but way to disrespect.

    Thank you: To Katy Perry and Jennifer Lopez. Keep on just being YOU.

  • kirbyjay

    The fact that you hate country music makes me love you above and beyond your incredibly talented snark.

  • If Reba McEntire couldn't make me like country, (and she couldn't) then no-one can.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Allison Krauss?

  • mswas

    How about Lyle Lovett?

  • I really regret not digging Lyle Lovett more, but no, not him either. Way old-school stuff like Patsy Cline and the like, nothing after they discovered hairspray and big hats.

  • TK

    To be clear: I don't hate country music. I hate the music that the Grammys considers to be country music. There's some genuinely great country out there, but it's never gonna win a Grammy.

  • Devin McMusters

    You need to get some Miranda Lambert going on. She makes her husband look like a pussy.

  • ,

    Sorry, but I put up with something like 25 minutes of her on an Austin City Limits one night to see what the big deal was and it was 25 minutes of the most insipid lyrics I've ever heard. I'll never make THAT mistake again.

  • TK


  • Get you some Ray Wylie Hubbard or Waylon Jennings, that'll wash the taste of radio station country out of your mouth.

  • Bert_McGurt

    It may, however win a Juno (aka: a Canadian Grammy):

  • Bodhi

    I'd never heard of Alabama Shakes either. What a mistake!

    The Band is my favorite band of all time & I cried & cried when Levon died. It would have been nice if Robbie Robertson had participated, but he is such an ass that its probably better that he didn't.

    The Gentlemen of the Road stopover nearest to me sold out lickety split so I'll just have to gorge on M&S & Alabama Shakes live performances to deal with the pain.

    Also, Adele had her baby several months ago...

  • Patty O'Green

    Thank you for the Adele comment. I read that and thought, "Um, no... didn't she already..." Some girls are just more full than others. And I'm into it, I think she's stunning.

  • Bert_McGurt

    They really were one of the most amazing collections of musicians to step on the planet. Few other things work wonders on a crappy morning like hearing "Ophelia" or "The Shape I'm In" on the way to work.

  • Bodhi

    While I love The Weight so very, very much, it would have been an amazingly fun thing to watch all those folks jam put to Ophelia!

  • Bodhi


  • dizzylucy

    "Just fight a shark and let’s move on."
    If I had a nickel for every time someone said that to me...

  • I don't know about Taylor Swift, but I know I, for one, savor your rage like I'd savor a fine wine. It brings me joy.

    Also, I love how much you love Karl Urban.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Two things:

    1. It should be law that LL may only appear in public if he is wearing a hat that does, in fact, look like a shark fin. Get on that America

    2. Does Radio Flyer make dickwagons? I would buy one of those.

  • bleujayone

    Be one of the first 10 callers to Radio Flyer now and we'll also throw in an abused child with the ability to fly away to an island of dinosaurs.

  • thatstrangewoman

    and become a gospel preacher in Harlan County

  • Natalie Loren

    +2 for Drive-By Truckers reference.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Not sure how you've missed the Alabama Shakes, they're pretty fucking good.

    But not as good as this review. As always, I appreciate your sacrifice and snark.

  • zeke_the_pig

    You take that back about my glorious glam metal, you shit-stirring cobweb sweeper!
    Apart from that, fantastic write up.

  • Kballs

    The Mumford/Elton John/Mavis Staples collaboration was fucking outstanding. Everyone slaughtered their parts and it looked like they all genuinely enjoyed performing it.

  • AudioSuede

    Not to mention Brittany Howard. She's the goddam realsies.

  • Kballs

    The combo of that power drawl in her singing voice and her physical presence was eye-opening. I could've watched her and Ms. Staples sing back and forth all night.

  • AudioSuede

    I was actually surprised; I don't think I'd ever seen her sing without a guitar in her hands. In that dress, I was like, "People are gonna have no idea who she is." And then she started singing, and it was like, "Oh, nevermind, that's DEFINITELY her."

  • mswas

    "There’s also Brittany Howard from Alabama Shakes, who I’ve never heard of, but she just blew up the joint with her verse."

    I hadn't heard of her either, but WOW what a voice. Mavis Staples nodded and smiled in approval, and so did I. Heading off to look up Alabama Shakes now.

  • e jerry powell

    Elton John sounded almost butch and Howard still left him in the dirt.

  • "Heading off to look up Alabama Shakes now."

    Exactly what I did when I heard that.

  • lowercase_ryan
  • The Replicant Brooke

    I love how that song just punches people right in the goddamned face the first time they hear it.

  • Holy Mother of God, that was badass. Off to Amazon to drop a dime. See? The Grammys WERE WORTH IT.

  • AudioSuede

    If you're into rollicking blues-rock bands with kickass female lead vocalists, might I also recommend Sallie Ford and the Sound Outside:

    And yeah, she sounds quite a bit like Grace Slick. You're welcome.

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