That Thing That Happened On Last Night's 'The Good Wife,' Spoiler Alert, Was Completely F**king Unacceptable
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That Thing That Happened On Last Night's 'The Good Wife,' Spoiler Alert, Was Completely F**king Unacceptable

By Dustin Rowles | TV Reviews | March 24, 2014 | Comments ()


Happy Monday morning everyone, and go to hell, The Good Wife!

You can’t do that. No. I said, NO. Take it back. Fucking dream sequence it out of existence. Hit the restart button. Have Jack Shepard look toward the sky and wake up next to Roseanne in Bob Newhart’s bed. I don’t care. Just figure it out. UNDO IT. You have to reverse it. Get Moffat. He’ll figure it out. I don’t care if it makes sense or not. JUST FIGURE IT OUT. Do some time travel, or get whatever it is that Agent Coulson got, or identical twin brother this business out of existence. Just get it done, The Good Wife. Where you left it last night, that’s unacceptable. Completely unacceptable.

Spoiler alert, by the way, Will Gardner was shot in the head. He died. F*cking Silas from Weeds shot him in the courtroom because Silas — who was winning his case, by the way — didn’t want to get sent back to the holding cell, where he was being regularly beaten. So he stole the bailiff’s gun, and he went on a shooting spree, and he killed his own goddamn lawyer, the one man who had the most faith in his innocence. He shot Will Gardner dead, and that’s not OK.

Silas from Weeds, of course, was introduced way back in the beginning of the season, so Michelle and Robert King — the sadistic married couple of that orchestrated this — have been planning it all year long. And they kept it secret. You know who saw that coming? Billy from Ally McBeal and NO ONE ELSE.

Will Gardner just got Billy’d.

What does it mean for the rest of the season? For the rest of the series? Well, it means that Will Gardner will no longer be on the show. That’s what sucks. The series got a huge SHOCKING moment out of it during last night’s episode, and Good Wife fans will be talking about it for weeks but when those weeks run out, the show still has no Will Gardner, and in case you were late arriving, that’s completely fucking unacceptable.

Josh Charles was the best reason to watch this show, except for Julianna Margulies, Matt Czuchry, Archie Panjabi, Christine Baranski, Alan Cumming, Carrie Preston, and sometimes Michael J. Fox. OK. Whatever. There’s still a lot of great talent on the show. But there’s no sly, charming, ice-cream truck guy from Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, and that’s not OK. Sure, the will-they-won’t-they with Alicia had kind of played out, but it wasn’t supposed end with won’t they. It was supposed to end with Will they, happily ever after.

Of course, they’ll patch over his absence with Michael J. Fox. And they’ll probably merge Florrick/Agos with Lockhart/*Sob Sob*, and there’s still the matter of Alicia and her dickhead husband, but who will be Alicia’s love interest now? Like, her real love interest. Oh, I see. She’s not going to have one. Because this is ultimately about a character who was, for so long, defined by her husband, going out and defining herself.

That’s a powerful theme, a noble one, even. But when it comes to romance, and two people meant for each other, well, YOU CAN’T KILL RACHEL’S ROSS, GODDAMNIT.

So fix it, Robert and Michelle King. Figure it out. Time Traveler’s Wife it. Or About Time it. At least let Will be the Ghost of fucking Hamlet, because I can’t go on this morning it’s too much I love you Will Gardner please don’t go!

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