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10 Things We Learned From The Red Wedding Episode Of "Game Of Thrones": Spoiler Whore and Book Reader Edition

By Joanna Robinson | TV Reviews | June 5, 2013 | Comments ()


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Author's Note: Hey folks! We're back with a book spoiler-heavy "Game Of Thrones" rundown. If you're looking for eloquent or sophisticated analysis, I suggest you head on over to TK's superlative Monday recap. This post serves mainly as an outlet for all your pent-up frustrations at having to tip-toe around your book knowledge lest you spoil a "Game Of Thrones" newbie. So, in case it isn't clear, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED BY BOOK KNOWLEDGE OR SOME INSIDER SHOW INFO, GET OUT OF HERE. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IN THE SEVEN 'ELLS ARE YOU DOING HERE? LEAVE OR ELSE JON SNOW WILL SAY SOME KNOW-NOTHING THING AGAIN!

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Are they gone? Phew. Anything goes in the comments, folks. We're hoping this will help curb some of your urges to spoil in the regular recap. Have at it!--JR

1. I'm Going To Ease You Into This: Hey let's talk about that ver-ry innocuous Sam and Gilly scene. It was pretty cute. Our man Sam got some compliments. Sam talked a bit about the Nightfort and I learned the phrase "sally port." If he already knows the way to the Black Gate does that mean we won't get any Coldhands? We have to have Coldhands and I demand he show up next week. We can bandy this about in the comments if you like (I know there's evidence refuting this particular Coldhands theory), but I will accept no other reveal than the image below.
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2. A Near Reunion At Queenscrown The Gift: First of all, I don't mean to sound like an insufferable stickler, but how much cooler would this entire plot have been if it had taken place at Queenscrown? I mean just imagine it. Anyway, even though it didn't, we got a very well done sequence between Hodor, Bran, Rickon, Osha and The Reeds. The tension was palpable. I'm excited they showed Bran warging into Hodor and it will be even more fun to see him warg into The Big Guy when we get to the fight sequence from "A Dance With Dragons." Those of you who were annoyed that Rickon and Osha have been sticking around (probably to help ease us into the new Reed characters) were rewarded this week with their departure. There was also a mention of House Umber. Delightful.
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3. Someone Felt An Ache Out In The Rain: Overall the show has painted Ygritte as much more sympathetic than she is in the book. Her defense for killing the old man made her actions seem almost merciful. She's also so much more Team Jon in the show than she is in the book. Fat lot of good it did her.
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Rose Leslie has been doing all the heavy lifting in this plot line and she didn't disappoint in this scene. Her death (next season?) will be very poignant and not because of Jon Snow's reaction.
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4. OMG, Isn't Dany Lucky That Daario Thought Of That Neat Plan? I don't like Dany's bit of strategy taken from her. I don't like the disappointed look on Jorah's face. And I REALLY don't like you, Daario Naharis. What I did love, however, was the fighting style they gave Jacob Anderson's Grey Worm. That was a show stopper right there. Great fighting from all three, but the spear twirls were a particular highlight.
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5. *Rains Of Castamere Starts Playing*: Okay. Here we go. Amazing job with Arya's section of this storyline. The crumpled look on her little face when she sees the Stark men killed and then the complete horror when Grey Wind gets it? Gut churning. Who here hoped she would free Grey Wind so he could at least tear a few throats out before he went down? Nope. No dice. At least the show didn't leave her fate in question the way George RR Martin did. "His axe took her in the back of the head?" George, you sick bastard.
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6. Screw You, Filch: First of all, is this not one of the worthiest puns you've ever seen?
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Secondly, though they didn't make a big deal of the Guest Rights ritual, they did include it. That was for us. I have to commend the casting department for their selection of David Bradley who could not have been more perfect as that slithering slime weasel Walder Frey. All the Freys and the ambience of The Twins? Perfection.

7. Sleeve Jolt: In the name of efficient storytelling, the characters at the wedding were massive condensed. That being said, I didn't mind Roose Bolton standing in for Edwyn Frey because it meant we got to see Cat slap the sh*t out of him. That was somewhat satisfying. Bolton was shooting her the queerest looks in this scene and while I can't accurately catalogue the nature of all of them, the overall affect was suitably creepy and menacing.
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8. Who Hired These Musicians? They're so good! And they were. Alas. I really wanted a band of clumsy assassins throttling the life out of their instruments. Also, hi drummer from Coldplay! How nice of you to join us!
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9. And Then It Got Really Bad: We all knew it was coming. Some of us have even been rubbing our hands together with glee at the gruesome surprise in store for the unknowing masses. And yet. And still. It was harrowing as hell.
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And was the Talisa inclusion the most harrowing part? And was it necessary? Most argue that the Freys went right for her belly to blot out all future Stark lines. Lord Walder, of course, never misses what's going on underneath a dress. But this was massively upsetting. It also puts to rest the Lannister Honeypot Theory. Some of you are still holding out hope for the Honeypot and think Talisa was rubbed out to tie up loose ends, but I think that would be an impossibly clumsy reveal. It would have been slick as hell to have her whip out a knife and start slicing throats, but to have Tywin or someone else explain her involvement next week? No. Too much. Rest in Peace, Honeypot. You gave me hours of amusement. This also throws a major wrench in the Jeyne Westerling Is Pregnant And In Hiding Theories. Sorry, Book Readers. I hate to kill a good conspiracy theory.
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10. Uh, Let's Keep Jaime Out Of It: Presumably because the show worked so hard to get us to like Jaime Lannister this season, his name was kept out of the episode and the famous "Jaime Lannister sends his regards" was slightly modified. Still, chilling. Cut to silence.
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New Character Rundown:

1. Ser Wendel Manderly: HOUSE MANDERLY REPRESENT! I hope you all were overjoyed to see White Harbor at The Twins. I missed a lot of the Stark Bannerman. Dacey Mormont in particular. But at least we got to see this little seed planted. Hopefully there are some piping hot pies in the Frey future. The North Remembers, you know.
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Best Line
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In Memorium
Talisa Madeuplastname And Little Eddarda? Eddardina? Merry? Eddard Stark
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The King In The North And Grey Wind
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Catelyn Stark
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Orell (Not pictured. Don't care.)

What On Earth Are They Going To Do Next Week?
Can they possibly pull off the Purple Wedding? No. We haven't even met the Martell's yet. Presumably we'll see ol' Balon Greyjoy kick the bucket. But who on earth cares about that? Some are speculating that we'll see the reveal of Lady Stoneheart. I watched an interview with Weiss and Benioff and they did an amazing job acting choked up as if they were never going to work with Michelle Fairley again. They can pull that off for a week, but will they be able to keep Fairley's casting a secret for a year? I don't know. If we are going to see Lady Stoneheart next week (and that would be in keeping with the fantastical/magical reveals of the two previous season finales), I wish they had shown us Thoros and Beric this week. It'll be awkward to get all the players in place. That being said, after Michelle Fairley's amazing performance on Sunday, I am more eager than ever for her return.
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Best Random Image Of The Week
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Joanna Robinson is the God of Snits and Whine. Findher on Twitter, podcasting about "Game Of Thrones" or generally mucking about. Send a raven, won't you?

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