Put Your Damn Shirt Back On: Analyzing An Upsetting New Film Trend
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Put Your Damn Shirt Back On: Analyzing An Upsetting New Film Trend

By Joanna Robinson | Think Pieces | May 10, 2013 | Comments ()

Screen Shot 2013-05-10 at 10.18.24 AM.png

Have you noticed it? It's pretty goddamn distressing. Sitting down to enjoy a nice popcorn flick only to be assaulted by all that...skin. I mean, think about. Really think about it. Think about an entire gender being reduced to bare curves. Is that all they are to you? A collection of fleshy bits? Shouldn't we expect more in this day and age? Haven't we, shouldn't we, rise above this? I'm just plain tired of Hollywood shoving chests in our faces as if we were not better than gibbering monkeys. I am sickened. I am appalled.

Listen, Hollywood, snap out of it. Get your sh*t together. Do you really, honestly think so little of the opposite sex? Do you think they're so enfeebled and have so few assets to offer that they have to take their shirts off in order for us to pay attention to them? Well you're wrong. Damn wrong. I expect better of you. NAY, I demand better of you. Shape up, Hollywood. Or we're through. You disagree? You don't think it's that bad? Well here's just some of the most recent, egregious examples of the marginalization of an entire gender. For shame, Hollywood. For shame.

Caution, Cubicle Monkeys, no shirts ahead.

Thor (2011)

Magic Mike (2012)

GI Joe: Retaliation (2013)

Skyfall (2012)

Captain America (2011)

Man Of Steel (2013)

Star Trek (2009)

The Wolverine (2013)

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

"The Mindy Project" (two weeks ago)

"Community" (last night)

The Avengers (2012) (Yeah, fine, the shirt's on. But barely.)

Joanna Robinson is absolutely repulsed.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • John Baker

    I am shocked and appalled. It's scandalous, I tells ya!

  • Buck Forty

    ""The Avengers (2012) (Yeah, fine, the shirt’s on. But barely.)""
    Biitch please, don't even try to play it like you were looking at what was under his shirt - you were staring at his butt the whole time!

  • Scorptilicus

    Nice to see Kirk made the cut.

  • Strand

    I'm pretty sure the "Wolverine" is from Australia. I'd know because he drops "Shut ya damper hole!" in that scene and the Australian in me died.

  • Parker Jammstein

    Magic Mike is about strippers so UM YEAH NAKED DUDES

  • L.O.V.E.

    Clothes are not natural! Viva la nudity. The revolution will be shirtless, toned and glistening!

  • Mrs. Julien

    I love it when we attempt to balance out millenia of female objectification. It's going to take a while though. We might need to do this kind of thing a lot. Daily.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm starting to feel kind of honoured by all the downvotes I'm getting. It would seem I am disliked enough to warrant clicking.

  • zeke_the_pig

    I think a lot of people are objecting to the 'daily' bit. They probably want hourly.

  • zeke_the_pig

    As a straight dude, hell, I don't mind. Keep 'em coming. A good looking body's a good looking body, no matter the gender.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I find that as I get older, I look at gorgeous bodies and, after I catch my breath, a large part of my reaction is to be impressed by the self-discipline it must take to maintain that kind of physique.

  • zeke_the_pig

    Seeing that picture of Alice Eve up there reminds me:

    Please, for the love of Godtopus, fellow Pajibans, do not go to see the new Star Trek.

    I saw it at a midnight screening last night, in accursed 3D, and - speaking as someone who genuinely enjoyed the first one - it was fucking atrocious.

    I'm still in pain. My brain hurts and my emotions are bruised. Don't let you be me.

  • Maguita NYC

    And Cumberbatch? Any good?

  • zeke_the_pig

    Well, I think I'm probably the only person on Pajiba who doesn't carry a torch for the Batch, but he was alright. Probably the 2nd best thing about it, after Quinto's Spock; who I still have a soft spot for and who provided some decent comic relief, unlike Pegg and Urban who disappointed (or rather, I should say: who were let down by the script).
    Hell, go see it and let me know what you think, as I'm still kinda surprised at how much I hated it.

  • Maguita NYC

    I dub thee Lady Boner Killer.

    Guess I won't be going on opening w/e; Would still go to see Zachery however, love how unexpectedly he filled those Spock boots to perfection.

    I'll be lighting a candle at your church Zeke, so you don't wallow too long in disappointment.

  • AM

    Hot damn, hooray for chest hair. All you hairless wonders, get to the back of the line. You don't have to leave the line. Just get to the back.

  • Mrs. Julien


  • Anna von Beav

    *faints dead away*

  • Guest

    I know you have all been eagerly awaiting the results of my research, but I am appalled (APPALLED, I SAY) to report that, during my investigation, I encountered this image:


    and then this truly indignant brain of mine broke from the, um, the outrage? Yes. Overwhelming, all-consuming...Outrage. Flames on the side of my....face.

  • llp

    I'm pretty sure that is illegal in 13 states.

    I have been watching for about three minutes straight. There might be something wrong with me. Send help.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "Guh," surprisingly, was what emerged instead. A sort of hybrid gasp-sigh.
    "'Guh,' indeed," he agreed, softly.

  • Jen

    I literally just put my fist in my mouth. YEOOOOW.

  • duckandcover


  • Oh Good GOD IN HEAVEN.

  • JoannaRobinson



  • I was ashamed at how long I watched that Channing Tatum gif, and then I remembered where I am.

  • Tinkerville

    You give a strong thesis. Allow me to present this follow up argument in favor of it.



    Hottest blacksmith EVER.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Well I, for one, am horrified. Horrified that there is no shirtless Cumberbatch.

  • duckandcover

    We can't even handle him just taking off a scarf.


  • profession: none, or starlet

    Mmmm, gratuitous throat.

    Alice Eve sure was some gratuitous crap in Star Wars though.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    Yeah. That is...mesmerizing.

  • Jim

    Hello Mindy Project. And, of course, the last photo: Dat Ass!

  • e jerry powell

    Mmmmm, breasteses!

  • carrie

    the push-up in Nolan's Batman movies are obligatory (note that there are always 2 shirtless Bale scenes also )

  • Jerce

    I am so outraged and sad for the state of our culture that I have broken out into a sweat all of a sudden.

    (Note to self: Go watch Thor, stat.)

  • annie


  • The Replicant Brooke

    Hi, Wolverine gif. What are you doing later tonight?

  • Pat Sponaugle

    JRob, thank you for bringing this terrifying trend to my attention.

  • toblerone

    I see what you did here... But don't you realize men have body image issues too? It's hard to live up to the standards set by Superman or Thor (both of whom by the way are from other planets), or genetically modified super soldiers or as I like to call them "The Boys from Monsanto"

    How are average guys supposed to feel and get laid? They aren't Nick Miller after all.

    My initial thought on seeing the header pic on was: Yes lets keep the topless women in movies and TV young and hot and stop the trend of 40+ yr old women showing off their Gollum like bodies.

  • Lindsey Gregory

    When they stop pairing the Jim Belushis and Seth Rogens with super tall, fairly to super hot blonds of the world, then we'll talk. Average dudes do just fine.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Average guys seem to be doing just fine.

    but you know Paltrow *is* 40+, right?

  • toblerone


    Young and Hot: Alice Eve

    Gollum Like: Paltrow (though not nearly at Madonna level yet).

  • Jae

    Yeah, right.

    Women over 40, you see, must hide their old, ugly, disgusting bodies from the world. Or, you, know, just go and die. Soince they are so old and ugly and disgusting and have obviously outlived their usefulness as the eye-candy.

  • Lindsey Gregory

    Even though you're complaining about men with body image issues, you're still kind of body shaming skinny chicks like Paltrow...which makes no sense.

  • Blake

    I think his missed the point, it's not about skinny.

  • Pat Sponaugle

    We schlubs just find a way to make it work, toblerone. I just use my charm and listening powers. (And I cleverly do the dishes, which the wife seems to approve of.)

  • Jerce

    Doing the dishes will SO get you laid.

  • Mythra Sun

    Dat ASS Gif! Best way to end the week

  • Muhnah_Muhnah

    I'm not convinced. I'm quite sure you've only picked instances where the shirtlessness was a vital part of the plot, like if a character was too poor to buy a shirt or a monkey stole his last shirt or a shady international organisation was going around burning shirts as a sacrifice to their god McConaughey. What I'm saying is...I'll require a more thorough investigation of this issue before I write a sternly worded letter to the PM/Queen.

  • the_wakeful

    This is the perfect opportunity to bring up a topic that's been bugging me since Iron Man 3 came out. Re: The header image: How the hell did Paltrow's bra/shorts not burn up in that scene?

  • toblerone

    There just like the Hulk's pants - Magic!

  • Mrs. Julien

    I need a moment to repine on my fainting couch. I'll have to be careful, I may trip on the heaped pile of my stays on the way there.

  • JJ

    Joanna Robinson. Let it not be said that she gifs a shit about writing.

  • Maguita NYC

    She's the gif that keeps on gifing.

  • BlackRabbit

    Tis better to gif than to receive?

  • Maguita NYC

    You best not look a gif horse in the mouth though!

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    OK. OK. Chris Evans, you're on notice. It's not fair to be that well-built, good looking, and funny. Plus, you know, dat azz. And Lee Byung Hun, that's just dirty pool. The rest of you, as well.

    But my god. Alice Eve. Forgive my crudeness, but that body is RIDICULOUS.

  • Maguita NYC

    Would you mind terribly if I add another South Korean to your thread?

    I henceforth freely admit to my sickness in obsession.

  • Mmm, yes, make it Rain up in here.

  • llp

    I have many thoughts:

    Why do Joel McHale's ribs look that way?

    How could you not use that still of Daniel Craig coming out of the ocean in the blue trunks from Casino Royale?

    Alice Eve looks very much like Nicole Kidman circa To Die For in that photo.

    I held my breath in the theatre at that scene from Thor. Even with so many men in the theatre, you could have heard a pin drop.

    Do you remember how good Craig looked in that bathing suit? Because of nomming.

  • Lauren_Lauren

    That's the classic Self-Conscious-Stomach-Suck. I know it well. It flattens your belly but it makes your ribcage look huge.

  • Anna von Beav

    The lighting isn't helping.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    "I Saw The Devil". Excellent movie but watch it especially for Lee Byung-Hun. *heavy sigh*

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Good lord, how could we POSSIBLY mollify the poor men now burdened with having to catch up with unrealistically perfect male stars who only look like this just when they shoot movies/tv shows? (present Evans excepted because he's obviously a self-deprecating robot)

  • Maguita NYC

    Push diet products on them.

  • Lindsey Gregory

    Let's tell men that anything over a size 32" waist is fat and they should go to Walmart for their fat people clothes because we're exclusive and sell shitty, boring clothes for beaucoup bucks?

  • Maguita NYC

    Size 32" waist??
    What are you, a chubby chaser?

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Ugh, I know. I only accept men who are 6'6'' and have the waist of Ben Whishaw into my clique, okay? The rest can, I dunno, go to Macy's.

  • lowercase_ryan

    disgusting misrepresentation of gender in the header.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It that a vein or what on Jackman's midriff, rising from his waistband?

  • Maguita NYC

    Actually, It is a dorsal vein on his penis, sneakily trying to cop a feel of his abs.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    You were just on fire yesterday, weren't you? :)

  • Maguita NYC

    Really? I was just indulging in extreme silliness. Letting loose after a stressful shitty week. Thank you!

  • sean

    As a hetro male, I can't complain. You straight women and gay men put up with, well Alice Eve in her underwear in a Star Trek movie. And tons of female toplessness in movies for the last 40+ yrs. Enjoy your shirtless beefcake.

  • Once again, if you're talking male nudity you CANNOT not mention Spartacus. God damn that show is amazing!

  • Maguita NYC

    There you go sweeties. They may have their man of steel, but we'll always have our men of balls.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    It's about film. Spartacus the movie was more about thighs. (though re-reading, she does throw some tv shows in there)

  • sean

    I think that Spartacus wasn't mentioned in that there was much lower nudity. This post is only about men without shirts. I think there will be a separate penis post.

  • AshBookworm

    Still waiting for that separate penis post.

  • Rochelle

    We can only hope.

  • Lindsey Gregory

    I think I'm going to have examine these shirtless Tatum Thrusts and Evans Uppercuts more deeply and in my bunk. I really think these images are a travesty and we should continue to examine them deeply. Please, when you have more evidence of shirtlessness, inbox me. I'll be busy for the next half hour though.

  • Maguita NYC

    Allow me to add a Matt Bomer to your "inboxing".

  • Lindsey Gregory

    jesus christ

  • Jim

    Oh, sweety, I know. I can't BELIEVE they made him wear those SHOES.

  • Mrs. Julien

    And socks would look dorky, I guess, so just the shoes. I always find that photo silly.

  • Ignatz

    Black socks. With garters.


  • APOCooter

    If this post has taught me anything, it's that I appreciate Pec almost as much as Breast.

  • tmoney

    Look at all those gorgeous shoulders and arms... and pecs, and lats, and abs, and well, all of it. You do the Lord's work.

  • Conor

    ...... I need to go do some push-ups.

  • Christian Bale and DC could make some decent money if they let him put out a "The Batman workout" dvd with the tagline: "Here's how I became Batman. Now you can be Batman too."

  • "And if you can be Batman, you should always be Batman."


  • DeltaJuliet

    I'm offended. Now I need to go back and look again to remind myself how enraged I am.

  • koko temur

    Funny, with how truly spectacular CapAss is, i almost forgot how the rest of Chris Evans looks like.

  • Bandit

    Man of Steel is my new favourite movie.

    Now, excuse me whilst I go over there and...cool off...


    In fact I might need even MORE evidence of this absolute moral abyss before I can even begin to make a coherent argument.

    MORE EVIDENCE. To the googlemobile!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Careful. You're sounding like a Potter Stewart there.

  • Yossarian

    Thank you for being an ally, Figgy. You've never been shy about bringing awareness to this issue and we dudes appreciate your solidarity.
    in struggle,


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