25 Practical Tips About The Horrors Of Raising A Teenage Girl (That Movies Or TV Won't Teach You)
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25 Practical Tips About The Horrors Of Raising A Teenage Girl (That Movies Or TV Won't Teach You)

By Agent Bedhead | Think Pieces | June 9, 2014 | Comments ()


This is an unofficial sequel to Dustin’s previous column about The Horrors of Raising A Baby, which (of course) movies and television will never teach you. Dustin also educated the world about The Horrors of Caring for Sick Children and the unique Horrors of Raising Twins. Courtney and TK have also joined in with some parenting discussions of their own, and I’ve linked their pieces below.

My daughter is a newly-minted teenager at age 13 1/2, but I’ve learned so much already from the experience. I’m not an expert and, clearly, have many more years of learning to do because each day presents new challenges and surprises. She’s (obviously) no longer in diapers, and she can babysit her own cousins, but there are downsides to this age as well. Here are just a few things I’ve jotted down from the experience thus far:

1. The teenage attitude will materialize overnight. Did you previously parent a toddler and elementary-aged school kid who visibly adored you with all their heart? Did they shriek with joy as you picked them up from school or daycare? They may have proudly introduced you to their friends like this: “This is my momma. Her name is Kimberly, but I call her ‘Mommy.’” Those days are over, my friends. You’ll now feel lucky as they shuffle to your car, toss their backpack into the back seat, and climb into the “cool” front seat with a big sigh. If you’re even less cool than I am, they might ask you to park around the corner.

2. Bedtime as you know it is now backwards. Your child once bounced out of bed at 6:20 am on Saturday. They demanded to “play.” If you’re still in that stage with your kid, enjoy it. Relish it. Once they turn 13 years old, you’ll have to pry their asses out of the bed with a forklift. You can choose not to do so, but then they’ll still be awake after midnight. Your call.

3. Get used to reading young-adult books and watching all the movie adaptations. You’ll know the “whos” and “hows” of the major franchises well before they hit theaters. More on that later.

4. Let’s cut to the chase — periods. If you’re a mother of a teenage girl, then you’ll soon realize that your periods are not the only ones you have to worry about. Now you’ve got twice the hormones raging and twice the maxi-pad budget. If you’re lucky, you’ll sync cycles and get all the misery out of the way during the same week. Note to single mothers: You’ll probably want to buy a supply for dad’s house too. As wonderful as most fathers are, most of them absolutely will not step foot into the “pad aisle” at the grocery store. Fathers: If you do end up in that very bad aisle, never (ever) choose to save a few cents on the wingless variety of pads.

5. Two more words on that last issue that deserve their own list entry without further elaboration: Period stains. One more word: OxiClean.

6. Raising a teenager comes with the sudden realization that you’re retroactively paying for everything you did to your own parents. All of the bad music, horrible clothing, and immature friends you had? Your kid’s music is even worse. Their friends are even more spoiled and bratty than yours were. If your kid has any taste at all, then they’ll hate Justin Bieber as much as you do. Small blessings.

7. It’s not all bad. You no longer have to limit yourself to watching kiddie movies at the theater. Most teenagers are mature enough to watch PG-13 movies before age 13. The same goes for super violent, R-rated flicks. You know your kid and what they can handle.

8. Keeping the fridge well-stocked is still a problem. Now that your kid can open the refrigerator themselves and fix their own snacks, you’ll have to find a new place to hide the Thin Mints. Luckily, there is no shortage of companies willing to pander to you during all of your shopping trips.

9. The growth spurts of a teenager are ridiculous. Your “little” kid is shooting up in height, which means that you’ll never be able to keep them in clothing that fits. There’s a slight possibility that (as a mother) you’ll enjoy about 5 minutes of wearing the same size as your daughter. This too shall pass.

10. Boys will happen. Your worst nightmare will be realized when other people start sharing your opinion that your teenage daughter is gorgeous. You’ll laugh merrily at the suggestion that your daughter wants to go on a date. “Maybe in a few years,” you say as you try and erase the memory of people making out in stairwells during junior high. You’ll also be preparing to take revenge on the first boy who crushes her heart. That little bastard.

11. Your daughter’s teenage crushes will amuse you. Harry Styles IS very cute and ultimately harmless as an object of affection. You can also rest assured that in two decades, he’ll be the topic of an E! True Hollywood Story.

12. Edward Cullen is a stupid, cardboard character, but he isn’t as bad as his critics make him out to be … for one reason: Because your daughter is crushing on a chivalrous vampire, she’s going to have a hard time finding a human counterpart that measures up to Stephenie Meyer’s frustrated creation. A guy who won’t pressure your daughter into the sack? No problem. You’ll get used to that cardboard standee of Robert Pattinson in your daughter’s bedroom. He’ll only scare the shit out of you twice before you remember that he’s not an intruder in your home.

13. If your daughter has vision problems, then eyeglasses are your secret weapon. If they can keep the boys away from your daughter for another few years, they’re worth holding onto. Know not give into the pleas for contact lenses. Remind your daughter that glasses are now much cuter than they were when you wore the coke-bottle variety.

14. Mood swings can and will happen at any moment. Sometimes your daughter doesn’t even know why she’s crying. Just be there for her if she wants to talk, but don’t pry. This may or may not be related to list item #4.

15. The college years are closer than you think. Do everything you can — math workbooks, shelling out for test prep (but be wary of scams geared towards gullible parents of precious snowflakes) — to give your child a chance at earning scholarships. Start early because there’s a fair chance that you don’t be able to help them pay for college … especially if you’re still paying off your own student loans.

16. Memories may be precious to you, but do your best not to remind your teenager of their baby years. They do not enjoy hearing about the times that you opened their diaper only to have them poop across the room. They also do not like hearing about how they loudly counted “all four cheeks” while standing in a booth at Panera Bread.

17. BUT you may decide that their embarrassment is worth it if you’re feeling passive-aggressive. Such as when you’re at a stoplight and “Blurred Lines” starts playing on the radio. Your teenager will reach for the dial, but you’ll crank up the tune and start dancing as they wail in humiliation: “Stop. It. Someone might see you!” This might be fun, but it could backfire in the future. I’ll let you know.

18. Your teenager knows by now that Santa Claus doesn’t exist, but they’ll still enjoy pretending in the privacy of their own home. Oblige them.

19. The internet is a terrible place when it comes to your teenager. Never forget that they are smarter than you at navigating technology. Do not simply rely upon parental controls to do the job. Know their Facebook password and check their web history. Are you being paranoid? Maybe, but the internet is full of James Francos waiting for you to screw up.

20. Your teenager will lie to you. All the time. Even if they’re a really good kid, it happens. Mostly, they lie about little stuff like what they ate for dinner at grandma’s house, but those are gateway lies. Just assume they’re not going to tell you everything, and figure out the truth for yourself.

21. Teenagers are incredibly crafty at getting away with shit. Remember how much crap you used to get away with that your parents knew about? You may have snuck away to the high-school smoke hole even when your dad was a teacher at the same school. (Hi, Dad.) You can never be too vigilant in your observations, but don’t call your kid out on every little thing. Pick your parental battles.

22. If they’re only 13 like my daughter, then they’re not driving yet. Thank god.

23. You’ll spend many sleepless nights wondering if you’ll be able to “do good” in raising your own child. Relax. Your parents got through it without screwing you up too badly, right? Maybe not.

24. You’ll struggle to strike a balance between being a hard-ass parent and someone that your daughter will come to when she has a problem and really needs to talk. Because as painful as some of those conversations may be, you’ll appreciate the hell of it when she trusts you with her feelings.

25. Basically, raising a teenager gives you a shot at reliving your own adolescence x 5. This is both a blessing and a curse, but embrace every aspect of the experience because — in only a few years — they’ll be off on their own journey of adulthood. Maybe they’ll even let you babysit your grandkids someday.

Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She can be found at Celebitchy.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • gutpunchprod
  • $78742978

    "Start early because there’s a fair chance that you don’t be able to help them pay for college … especially if you’re still paying off your own student loans." Ugh, it just gets worse and worse. Honestly hadn't considered this issue. But you know lots of universities in Europe offer cheap or free university to foreigners. I myself have been looking into Norway for PhD programs.

  • the dude

    I don't like this article because I think parents should be waay less controlling, but I do think the writer means well. (Hey Agent Bedhead!!)

    Let your kids have sex!

  • nick bottom, the weaver

    somehow, i managed to see 2 girls through their teens and comfortably into their early twenties without any of that happening. part of it may have been that our house was the hangout spot, part that my wife was everybody's "cute mom" and part was that i was generally recognized as the "cool dad" amongst their crowd.
    we hung out, watched and read sci-fi and comic books, listened to the velvet underground and they might be giants and generally had a great time. the two of them are now, outside of my wife, easily my best friends.
    so there!

  • I would like to write the companion piece to this, having thus far successfully navigated the boy teen years. Three more years, and I'm done with that nonsense.

  • ZombieMrsSmith

    I remember watching a Nova episode one time about "The Teenage Brain" and was most fascinated to learn that to teens, every facial expression reads as anger or frustration. They would hold up pictures of normal people smiling or laughing or looking quizzical and every teen would say, "anger, anger, anger, anger..." Good to know.

    My 16 y.o. son is doing his driver's ed driving this week. I took him to the cemetery to practice yesterday, (a suggestion from my FiL) and he does seem remarkably cautious about putting himself behind the wheel. Since we only have one car, he pretty much understands his opportunities to drive himself anywhere will be limited.

    My 13 y.o. daughter, does go through her eye-rolling days, but she's still mostly easy to get along with. She loves spending time with her grandmother these days (my Mom) and I will always cherish her for that. Her music tastes are pretty good, but I can definitely embarrass her when I crank up the First Wave SiriusXM station.

    She's gotten her period just as I've started peri-menopause, so yeah, my husband and son just stay out of the way, because she and I are both all over the place some days.

  • kirbyjay

    May I offer a bit of advice from a survivor of 2 teenage girls who are now in their wonderful 20's. If you play your cards right you will have the best friends you ever had when they are no longer children.
    1. Do not allow them to talk to you disrespectfully. I know this starts at early childhood and you may have already screwed that up, but they can get angry, they can flounce off to their rooms, they can roll their eyes all they want, but you are their parent and they at least owe you respect. When I heard a co-worker say that her daughter told her to shut up, or fuck off........ It makes me sad.
    2 . Pick your battles. Don't micro-manage their lives. Don't get involved in their spats with friends. Listen, empathize, perhaps advise if they ask, but stay out of it. Make sure they are safe and respectful to themselves and others but stay out of it. Be reasonable. I had a friend who power played with her daughter. "No, she can't go to the amusement park, she's going to spend time with her family" She spent every day with her family and my friend disappointed her for no reason other than she could. They have a so-so relationship now, with a lot of resentment.
    3. Humor, always humor. Even if you are punishing them, try to add a remark that will make them know that even though you're pissed off as hell, you still love them.

    I know, I'm a know-it-all

  • Maguita NYC

    Those are really great suggestions! If only more parents followed suit and steered clear from the war path.

    I see it clearly with many that it isn't easy dealing with hormonal teenagers, what with the mood swings and lack of communication, but the parent should from time to time remember they are the adults, and should find a more level ground to negotiate the roller-coaster changes in a teenager's life.

    That being said, in my time raising daughters into becoming "Good Catholic Girls" was often antonym to "sense of humor"... Or I was simply that difficult of a silent terror to begin with.

  • kirbyjay

    Thanks Maguita.
    I have two great daughters that I couldn't be more proud of. I'd like to think Mr Kirbyjay and I had something to do with that.

  • Yep. All of this.

    As the Dad of a nearly-17 daughter, who apparently has her head screwed on mostly straight, does well enough at school, has nice female friends, has male friends, but not a boyfriend, and who has just taken up powerlifting to spend time with me when I train, I am blessed.

    And I am totally prepared to shop in the sanitary items aisle, and understand as much as I need to about wings to know they are better. That said, my very open kid likes to rev me up with, "Dad, don't mess with me, it's Shark Week." TMI.

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, girl. I am lighting a votive candle for you the next time I pass a Catholic church.

  • Haystacks

    4. Let’s cut to the chase — periods.

    Gotta call out this nonsense. My dad bought me pads and did my laundry with nary a murmur. He certainly did not pass off any parenting to my mother. (They were separated). He even gave me a sex talk. It may have been the worst 90 seconds of both our lives(I was 16). But he got out a damn cucumber from the fridge and showed me how to put on a condom properly so it would not break.

    He is nearing 60 now. And even though he it the kind of guy who goes to 60 sports games a year, only reads the newspaper and Sports Illustrated he never shied away from the important stuff.

  • Bell Swerve

    If you want to understand teenage girls then check out the fandoms on twitter and tumblr (especially 1D and Teen Wolf). You will find out that teenage girls are very funny although also very horny. The pre-teen love for Harry Styles will become wholly different by about 15.

    Essentially your child will go from dreaming about this Harry

    to this one:

  • emmalita

    Oh. Godtopus. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    That is a excellent gif set to make your point.

  • Bell Swerve

    I was looking after my niece during one of the Bieber messes and wondered what little shit she'll idolise in 8 years time. Current popstar scandals are mostly social media-related, so long having to wait years to find out juicy offstage details.

    Still, at least the good looking one in 1D is aging nicely and not embarrassing to perve on i.imgur.com/d9UEVPL.gif

  • Tecuya

    Oh, but the thrill when you realize you can embarrass them much the way they embarrassed you when they were little and threw tantrums in public places. It happened to me and my then 13-year-old daughter in the grocery store. She was a few feet away from me doing something wrong and I raised my voice slightly and said her full name. She hurried over to me and whispered "MOM, you don't have to be so loud." A-ha, I thought, the tables have turned!

  • #25. My wife keeps getting frustrated because after a tumultuous family change it's hard to spend time away from our daughter like we used to. I try to remind my wife that there is really only a couple more years when she still wants to hang out with us and to be patient. She turns 14 this month and starts high school this fall and I agree with damn near this whole list. For those of you that aren't here yet, it's coming.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Story from my brother-in-law about his teenaged daughter:

    [brother-in-law standing in kitchen]
    [teen daughter walks past him]
    [brother-in-law makes eye contact]
    Teen Daughter: WHAT?!

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Sounds about right. I'm pretty sure most of my eye strain problems came from me doing this for about 8 solid years:


  • Antique (webelos8)

    that's 100% believable. I went through that with my now, no-longer teenage son. He finally understands he was a stubborn ass.

  • John W

    God I could never be a parent.

  • Mrs. Julien

    It can be really hard, dude.

  • John W

    I know, I think of all the hell I put my mother through and I weep.

  • JoeK

    I have three daughters (currently 10 and under). One night my wife and I turned on Modern Family and it was the "Leap Day" episode, AKA the one where Claire, Haley, and Alex all get their periods at the same time.

    Her maniacal laughter haunts me to this day.

  • JFD108

    Your teenager isnt on Facebook any more- They are on Instagram, twitter and snapchat- get those passwords or better yet, follow them as a dummy account.- Dad of 3 teens

  • emmalita

    Two things my parents did that were among the few things they did right. I would never get in trouble for telling them I felt unsafe somewhere or with someone, even if I was breaking a rule by being there. They would always come get me, no lecture, no punishment. I would never get in trouble for asking them for a ride if I was drunk or the designated driver was drunk. I got in trouble for plenty of things, but on the rare occasion that my choice was riding with someone who was high/drunk or calling my dad at 2am, I called my dad. I never got in trouble for it.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    My mom always put it as "Don't be stupid twice." As in, if you were already stupid enough to go out and get drunk, don't compound the stupidity by getting in the car with someone who was drunk. However, it was a good rule of thumb for several other things. Like birth control.

  • emmalita


  • ZbornakSyndrome

    That is, hands down, the best rule.
    My parents weren't quite as generous, I was told that I would probably still be in trouble, but that a plea bargain could be reached if I showed good judgement by calling them.

  • Mrs. Julien

    We have started that early, the "I will always come for you."

  • Stephen Nein

    "The growth spurts of a teenager are ridiculous. Your “little” kid is shooting up in height, which means that you’ll never be able to keep them in clothing that fits."

    Too late, Beds - my 9.5 y/o has jumped 1.75" in 6 months. She'd be the tallest kid in her class if she wasn't the youngest.

    Slightly on topic: My wife and I have agreed to house an exchange student from Morocco this late summer through next year. She is 15 and will turn 16 during the stay . . and while some of the list above applies, I wonder how much and if it will vary as she integrates into the the community. (It's through the Kennedy-Lugar YES program, through the US Department of State)

  • emmalita

    I was the tallest in my class until I stopped growing at 12. I was soooooo disappointed. I still hate not being taller.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I know the feeling. People told me growing up that my legs were long and I'd be tall, but I never ended up having a real growth spurt. Just creeping up an inch or so a year and ending just shy of 5'4". booo. And my mom was 5' 7"!

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    My goal in life when I was a child was to be 6-foot like my dad. And I made it...as long as I'm in my heels (sometimes I even make it up to 6'4"!).

  • emmalita

    I didn't quite make it to 5'4". :(

    And still I am surprised when I realize I'm the shortest adult in the room.

  • Antique (webelos8)

    My 10-year-old went from at the beginning of the school year a women's size 2, petite, to a full-fledged women's size 6 and grew about 3 inches. 10.years.old, 5'3", almost 5'4" and about 135 lbs.
    No idea where that came from. and she's still not the tallest.

  • Berry

    If the books I read about exchange students back in the day are to be believed, she will have some difficulties, but she will overcome them, end up with a small, but loyal group of somewhat weird kids she'll be friends with for the rest of her life. And meet the man she will eventually marry.

    They are not to be believed.

  • Wednesday

    Eh, it's not that bad. And once they get their driver's license, you get SO much freedom back. The teen thinks they're free but parents also benefit. Especially if you can track their cell phone and let them go while still having a pretty good idea where they are. My daughter would rather amputate her arm than turn off her phone.

    The tween years were way harder than the actual high school years with my daughter. It was like half her brain cells were hijacked by boy-crazy hormones.

  • ljridley

    My sister-in-law was thrilled when my niece could walk because she didn't have to carry her everywhere anymore. She was equally thrilled when she got her driver's license. It's been surprising because my SIL is overprotective in every other way, but driving has not been a problem (and my poor niece got her license this last winter, one of the worst on record!)

  • Berry

    Not to turn this into another horrors of periods thread, but it's so true it bears reiterating: wingless pads are useless.

  • Bell Swerve

    Yes! One of my favourite Tumblr funnies was that women are better at murder because we are so practiced at cleaning blood off clothes.

  • Berry

    I'm not familiar with that one, but the theory sounds legit.

    How about this:


  • Mrs. Julien

    The advancements since I started back in the early Cretaceous are just fantastic.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I remember reading "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" and the crazy harness belt action, and then actually getting my first pads and was briefly even more confused about what was I missing.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I missed the belts, but I was there for the pillow top era. A pillow top and one thin strip of adhesive down the center. Those things never stayed in place.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Missed that too, phew.

  • ljridley

    Oh my god. Right? Blessings upon Always for coming up with the wings!

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    My aunt showed me the belt she used to wear. I've never been so frightened in my life.

  • Berry

    Good old days indeed.

  • emmalita

    When a certain brand of pad went on the market, an entire dinner conversation was devoted to it's wonders. The men at the table were fascinated and horrified by what we had to go through.

  • ZbornakSyndrome
  • Jericho Smith

    Never understood the "I can't buy that!" issue of #4. What is it that they think people will think?

    My only issue is needing specific product identification-as you note, you need to get the right ones. They only need one woman on the jury to get away with it.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Take the box top with you.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Or take a picture on your cell.

  • JL Verde

    My father was never freaked out by the maxi pad aisle. He'd even wear his bright orange hunting coat into the store and buy the biggest package of tampons he could get. To quote him:

    "I'd rather buy pads than baby diapers."

  • NateMan

    Step 1. Get told to buy them. Make sure you're given brand and other required details.
    Step 2. Go to the store and buy the wrong ones. This will be easy, as there's like 50 varieties and you're never going to spot the one you were sent after.
    Step 3. Bring the wrong ones home, and never get asked to buy them again.

    And then you're done. Seriously, I did my best, but it was like being sent out to find a needle in a pile of other needles that are ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. So I've never been asked to do it again.

  • emmalita

    My grandfather, a psychologist, called that 'competent incompetence.' That shit has never worked on me. It didn't work on my mom either, so my dad just had to go back to the store until he got it right.

  • Mrs. Julien

    My first boyfriend would always say "I'll try" when I asked him to do anything thus building in an excuse to his acceptance of the request. It is a miracle I did not stab him.

  • NateMan

    Nope. I wouldn't mind buying them, but if you're going to send me to look for something I need to at least have some idea. It'd be like me sending my wife to pick up some ammo for my shotgun. Neither of us would have any idea where to start.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Well, in this day and age a simple photo text of the box (of ammo or tampons) should solve the problem.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I think my husband tried that with the laundry once. So I just stood over him and walked him through, without actually doing anything.
    If you want to pretend you're stupid, I have no problem treating you like a 5 year old until you get it right.

  • NateMan

    And if you want it done right, I have no problem with you doing it yourself. :) I get told pretty much any time I do laundry that I've done something wrong. But it depends on your definition of wrong; the clothes are clean and dried and some semblance of folded. If you want better than that, do it yourself.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I fold, because that will drive me nuts, but I have no technique for dumping detergent into a machine. All he had to do was separate, wash and dry.
    And that is now his job. While mine is folding so that the creases aren't a mess on the clothes.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I swear we are twins. Mr. J and I have the same division of labour. I have to fold the towels and sheets. He can fold his own stuff but not mine. We have started making Little J match everyone's socks and fold his own underthings. You should hear him complain. It is then I start talking about "the nice lady" who changes his bed, makes his meals, etc. One week, he didn't fold the socks when I asked him to. I kept them unmatched until the following week so he had almost twice the quantity.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I'm incredibly picky about folding. If Zborny wants to fold his own stuff, that's fine, but we are not reliving the great crease fight of 2010.
    My mother washed and folded all the clothes (I got dishes and dad got lawn maintenance and gardening). Her rule was: Your clothing will be returned to you how they were presented to me. So, if your socks were in a ball, you got them back in that ball, still partially wet probably. Anything inside out remained that way, etc.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I am just starting that, but first, I need to set the ground rules and remind Little J. 47 times.

  • NateMan

    Hey, as long as both of you know your duty!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Except that folding takes much longer than the washing and drying.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Yeah, basically, you just put in soap, hit some buttons and then come back in an hour.
    But I enjoy folding. It's my dance party time.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I don't enjoy it per se, but I am about 6 times faster at it than Mr. J and I can't bear to watch the inefficiency.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I can't bear having a crease down the front of my chest, because SOMEONE thinks folding t-shirts in half lengthwise and just smushing up the sleeves like a savage is a good idea.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    My dad would have me write what I needed on a piece of paper because there were "far too many of these damn things" for him to figure out which one I was talking about.
    Then he would hand said paper to the first stockperson he saw and ask to be led to the appropriate box.
    He never complained, but told me he wasn't spending "the better part of my Friday reading tampon boxes", so I had to write down what I wanted.

  • Jiffylush

    I'm a man and I never understood this either. Condoms I understand why you might be embarrassed because the cashier knows what you are hoping to do with them later that day. But I guarantee you that cashier knows exactly what tampons and maxipads are for and knows you won't be naked with them in the near future.

  • emmalita

    To a teenage girl EVERYTHING is embarrassing. I am not exaggerating.

  • Marmaduke45

    My 13 year old daughter won't even go down that particular aisle in the store with me...and I'm buying them for her! The check out lane? Bag that noise. She'll be waiting over by the front doors. When she started, she asked me "how much longer am I going to have to deal with THIS?" I told her "about another 40 years, give or take one or two." She was not amused.

  • emmalita

    The good news is, she'll get over being embarrassed and then it can be the topic of a multi-gender dinner table or Internet discussion.

  • Marmaduke45

    Precisely. I keep telling her that, but, of course, she refuses to believe me. "You don't. know. me." Riiiigggghhhtttt.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Speaking of which...

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I actually always thought it would be less embarrassing for a man. I mean, when you're a teen girl and buying them *blushing and avoiding eye contact the whole time* , everyone knows why.
    When you're a dude, all it means is you are helping out a lady friend, which means you have a lady friend. It could be your mom, it could be Sophia Loren...who knows?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Remember that lovely moment when that specific purchase stopped being embarrassing? Fantastic.

  • I'm 34, and I still occasionally get embarrassed. It's absurd.

  • I had a friend in college who made her dad buy hers. I said, "Do you think it's the first time the checkout person has sold them?"

  • emmalita

    I think I was 22 when I realized I did not need to be embarrassed.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I just toss them right up there on the conveyor belt with everything else.

  • Exactly. You tell me what it is and I'll go get it. It's obviously not for me and the cashier won't give me crap -- or I can go through the self-checkout lines.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I have three daughters and my wife and I are relatively young. I will have the honour and privilege of having four women synch up to unleash unholy terror on my household for a week a month. I've also purchased stock in Tampax. May as well get something out of this deal.

  • Aaron Schulz

    I just realized that my brother has to go through that, 3 daughters, a wife, that poor bastard.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin


  • Uriah_Creep

    My brother-in-law went through that exactly: my sister and three girls. Even though they are all grown up and moved out now, he can usually still be found rocking himself and mumbling about pads and buying industrial amounts of toilet paper.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Going to college and living with 4 other women was fun. Only to come home in the summer and have everything completely reset.
    Bodies suck sometimes.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I avoiding synching up with any college roommates by spending 3 of my 4 years pretty much in my boyfriend's room. My sisters are 2 years younger, 4 and 7 years older, so we avoided any significant overlap.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Ugh, if only I had thought of a boyfriend! Where were you when I was an undergrad? :)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Well, still dickless, so I might not have been much help. ;)

    Seriously, looking back, I'm kind of amazed at how bohemian I was back then without even realizing it. It's more likely I would've synched up with my boyfriend's roommate's girlfriend senior year, since all 4 of us ended up in a room more often than not. (why senior year was the year he couldn't manage a single...sigh.)

  • Mrs. Julien

    I have two sisters and I think we only kind of synched up.

  • LaineyBobainey

    Hahahaha, oh, Admin! I think it's adorable that you think they're going to sync up. My darlin', you're not that lucky. They're going to spread that out. One long week at a time. You're not going to get a moment's peace all month.

    Enjoy the relative silence for the next couple of years, because after that? BOOM!

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    It only took my wife and eldest two months to decide to tag team me with insanity. YOU FUCKING LET ME HAVE THIS BOBAINEY!

  • Seems an appropriate place to put this link:


  • Sara_Tonin00

    ahhhhhhh - you beat me to it!

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Do you have a getaway plan?

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I call it an exit strategy. It's running and never stopping.

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