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The Most Schadenfreudtastic Horror Movie Deaths.

A Seriously Random List / TK, Brian Prisco, & Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | August 28, 2009 | Comments (29)

In the best horror movies, you always want to root for the bogeyman for a while. Sometimes, horror-movie victims deserve to die, and Freddy, Jason, The Grim Reaper, and zombies can be our friend. We like to see the obnoxious twits and douche carrots garroted, decapitated, and gored before the main villain is temporarily killed in the end. It’s why we go to the movies, damnit. To see the massacre of people who don’t deserve to live.

And so, with both Halloween II and The Final Destination out in theaters, we offer up The 10 Most Schadenfreudtastic Horror Movie Deaths. (The actual death scenes are below, where available. Otherwise, it’s just the movie trailer).

Enjoy!


Honorable Mentions: Sheri Moon (Baby), House of 1,000 Corpses & Jason Alexander (Dave), The Burning


10. JR Bourne (Benjamin Moss), 13 Ghosts


9. Dylan Moran (David), Shaun of the Dead


8. Marcia Gay Harden (Ms. Carmody), The Mist


7. Sarah Michelle Gellar (Cici) / Jada Pinkett Smith (Maureen), Scream 2


6. Paris Hilton (Paige Edwards), House of Wax


5. Sean William Scott (Billy Hitchcock), Final Destination


4. Ty Burrell (Steve), Dawn of the Dead


3. Julie Dawn Cole (Veruca Salt), Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory*


2. Karl Hardman (Cooper), Night of the Living Dead


1. Paul A. Partain (Franklin), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)


* Although Wonka tells Charlie that all of the children were restored and returned safe in the end, if you go by our own personal reading of the movie, Wonka is a murderous psychopath luring children to their early graves, and he’s also already proven himself to be a convenient liar.


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Comments

You didn't need that disclaimer for Wonka. Once I thought about it for a second I realized that yes, yes it is a horror film.

Although how do you explain Great Glass Elevator? Drug-induced hallucinations?

Posted by: SaBrina at August 28, 2009 2:17 PM

I like Willy Wonka more when I think about how all the candy in his factory could be made from ignorant and annoying children. And now I want to go get some Nerds.

Posted by: Snath at August 28, 2009 2:19 PM

So, is Karl Hardman related to Karl Hungus?

Had to ask.

Posted by: Recondite at August 28, 2009 2:21 PM

Mrs. Camody needs to be bumped up at least one spot. My theater crowd stood up and cheered for one solid minute after that.

Though, when Paris got the axe(pole), they did the same thing...

Posted by: Brittany at August 28, 2009 2:36 PM

Mrs. Camody needs to be bumped up at least one spot. My theater crowd stood up and cheered for one solid minute after that.

Though, when Paris got the axe(pole), they did the same thing...

Posted by: Brittany at August 28, 2009 2:44 PM

Double post, I fail.

Posted by: Brittany at August 28, 2009 2:45 PM

if you go by our own personal reading of the movie, Wonka is a murderous psychopath luring children to their early graves, and he’s also already proven himself to be a convenient liar.

Which is why he is my hero.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at August 28, 2009 2:50 PM

I have to say that there's nothing in the world more pleasing to watch, aside from Natalie Portman lesbian ballerina sex, than seeing Stifler get decapitated by a train.

Posted by: George at August 28, 2009 3:21 PM

Did I go crazy, or was Tony Shaloub in a movie with Shannon Elizabeth?

Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at August 28, 2009 4:37 PM

I can't even begin to describe how incredible SMG looks in that clip. Just, WOW!

I was waiting for the Buffy theme to start, the camera zoom in for a closeup and SMG give one of her trademark slayer puns and proceed to kick the living shit out of ghostmaskguy.

Posted by: Dave at August 28, 2009 4:47 PM

I cheered when Veruca got the egg-shaft.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at August 28, 2009 4:47 PM

"...I want a goose that lays gold eggs for Eas-tah!..."

Posted by: Courtney at August 28, 2009 4:52 PM

Maybe, just maybe, Willy Wonka didn't let the bad little kids go. Maybe he baked them in some kind of fucked up confectionery oven and turned them into little gingerbread people. Little SINGING gingerbread people. Little, singing, green-haired gingerbread people. You get where I'm going with this?

Loompa Land my ass.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 28, 2009 4:55 PM

I remember my friends telling me that had verucas on their feet when I was little, growing up in England. When I got older and moved to America, nobody knew what I was talking about.

Veruca is Latin for wart.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 28, 2009 4:59 PM

Man, the lawyer getting cut in half by the doors in 13 Ghosts is probably my favorite horror movie death.

Posted by: Macafee at August 28, 2009 5:13 PM

I'd argue for the inclusion of Joshua Jackson in Urban Legend, since the douche thought it would be funny to fake his own death with pop rocks and soda, only to get it worse than anyone else in the film and have people doubt he actually died and just not care. Especially over Julie Dawn Cole in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Fantasy and Horror have many connections, but the only scary scene in Charlie... is when our young hero is confronted by Slugworth when he gets the ticket.

Damn fine performance by Julie Dawn Cole in that film. She upstages the rest of the cast whenever given the chance with scene chewery that would make Bette Davis scream "pull back, you're doing too much." It's fabulous.

Posted by: Robert at August 28, 2009 5:15 PM

I'm thinking of the scene in Disturbing Behavior when all the modified kids jump on the car as it goes off the cliff. That made me so happy.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 28, 2009 5:44 PM

Completly coincidental, I watched 13 Ghosts just yesterday for the first time in a couple years.

The scene where the lawyer gets cut in half led to a debate over whether or not you'd be alive for a period of time, albeit a small period, after something like that.

After a bit of research on the good ol' internet, I learned that it is commonly believed (yet highly disputed) that after a decapitation, a person remains alive for 13-15 seconds after the act. No word on how long you live if your brain actually gets cut in half.

Just thought I would share that random tid bit of information with you all!

Posted by: ashes at August 28, 2009 5:57 PM

No word on how long you live if your brain actually gets cut in half.

Posted by: ashes at August 28, 2009 5:57 PM

The brain can be cut in half, front to back with impunity, but you become 2 different people living in your head. The procedure was invented for severe epilepsy and the different motions of different sides of the body including acting on information that only one half knew became very intriguing decades ago. The fact is one of the frontal lobes can be removed without any problem but if both are removed you lose socialization i.e. you think it's hilarious to take a leak on somebody's desk while they're sitting at it.

Posted by: OscarTamerz at August 28, 2009 6:12 PM

Wow, thanks OscarTamerz. You truly learn something everyday.


I feel like your comment should have included the sound bite from those PSA's followed by a "The More you Know" text with the rainbow and the shooting star.

Posted by: ashes at August 28, 2009 6:55 PM

A few deaths worth noting:

1) Samuel L. Jackson / Deep Blue Sea: The shark needed to eat him; he was getting on my damn nerves during that scene. (Typically, I'd would never wish death to an SLJ character - but this time, yeah.)

2) Roger Bart / Hostel 2: Having his junk snipped off with scissors then fed to snarling dogs while he was left for dead. He didn't actually die on screen but it's pretty damn close.

Posted by: thebombscribe at August 28, 2009 9:57 PM

Not quite a horror movie, but how about Rebecca De mornay in The Hand the Rocks the Cradle? When she got impaled on the white picket fence, my friends and I jumped up and screamed with delight!

Posted by: Leigh at August 28, 2009 10:16 PM

My favorite is Captain Rhodes from Day of the Dead. After being the most over the top asshole possible for the whole movie, he dies in the most gruesome way possible. And gets a great last line.

Posted by: Kurdt at August 28, 2009 10:53 PM

is no one going to mention lew ayres in all quiet on the western front?
what a dick! leave the butterflies alone, you jerk!

Posted by: gp at August 28, 2009 11:37 PM

"you think it's hilarious to take a leak on somebody's desk while they're sitting at it." you say this like its a bad thing.

Posted by: clancys_daddy at August 29, 2009 10:06 AM

Rebecca De Mornay is the baddie in Cradle though. Julianne Moore's death by greenhouse was fun in that movie.

Posted by: Popcultureboy at August 29, 2009 12:51 PM

And now I have to watch Shaun of the Dead again.

Posted by: Bumwee McGee at August 29, 2009 7:13 PM

The boyfriend and I (finally) watched Night of the Living Dead last night. And while Cooper's death was pretty satisfying, I was way more excited to see Barbara finally get it. Bitch is in serious danger of being eaten by zombies and all she can do is sit around staring into space? Completely useless.

Posted by: Bethany at August 29, 2009 10:27 PM

ashes
Was that theory gained by the guy who, when decapitated in France said that he would blink as long as he could? To prove that people didn't die right away?

Posted by: Deistbrawler at August 30, 2009 5:35 AM





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