By The Pajiba Staff | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (59)
5. Six (“Blossom”)
4. Kimmy Gibbler (“Full House”)
3. Boner Stabbone (“Growing Pains”)
2. Bud (“The Cosby Show”)
1. Winnie Cooper (“The Wonder Years”)
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Posted by: Landon at July 28, 2009 3:08 PM
I know I didn't grow up in the 80's, so I'm not the best critic for this, but can the Full House one be removed and replaced with any other one you can find.
Seriously, there couldn't be a sitcom worse than Full House. I don't care who else you put, well, unless there from Everybody Loves Raymond, which defied the laws of nature, just to be worse than Full House.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 3:08 PM
Brian fucking Krakow
Posted by: badalamenti at July 28, 2009 3:12 PM
What!? No Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Butters or Token?
Good Day!
Posted by: admin at July 28, 2009 3:14 PM
If there was any way you could get Jenna Van Oy and Danica McKeller to make out, Dustin, that would really be just super. Really, REALLY super. C'mon, Dustin. I know you can make it happen.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 28, 2009 3:14 PM
whoa that guy's name was really "Boner"?
... why?
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at July 28, 2009 3:17 PM
I second Tracer's really, REALLY super suggestion.
Posted by: Rykker at July 28, 2009 3:22 PM
It is amazing how much people hate on Full House know damn well they watched the hell out of that show . Shit i grew up in a family full of Migrant workers and we watched the show. I mean it was garbage but there is a reason it lasted so long and is still talked about today.
Posted by: gilp at July 28, 2009 3:23 PM
So he may not be across the street technically, but Steve Urkel from Family Matters deserves to be on this list. The show was basically all about him.
Posted by: Person at July 28, 2009 3:25 PM
Ha, I hate Full House and never watched it. When I grew up, we watched cheaply made shows from Japan about plucky young children enslaving monsters.... Yes, Bob Saget looks like a god damn thespian next to the crap I watched when I was a kid.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 3:27 PM
Kimmy Gibbler?!?! May as well have picked Irkel. And Six? Can we possibly pull you out of the 1985-1993 vortex? Snap out it!
How about a choice outside your masturbatory childhood fantasies? Eddie Haskell, dude. All-time champion neighbor.
You got 3 out of 5 right on this list. 60%. D-. Just like your face, Dustin.
Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 3:29 PM
No Sam from Clarissa Explains It All?! That show fueled my childhood fantasies of having a cute boy climb a ladder into my room at night and...I guess play Candyland. I was six.
No Sam! Man. ::forlornly sings:: Na na nanana. Nananana na na...
Posted by: Geetch at July 28, 2009 3:29 PM
Vinnie DelPino.
Did we ever figure out if Samantha Micelli had a neighbor?
Posted by: Nicole at July 28, 2009 3:31 PM
Admin, the problem with using one of the South Park kids (at least, using Cartman, Stan, Kenny, or Kyle) is that they are the stars, rather than the kids living across the street from the stars.
Posted by: Alice at July 28, 2009 3:33 PM
Brian fucking Krakow
Posted by: badalamenti at July 28, 2009 3:12 PM
Damn fucking Straight. Dreamiest nerd ever.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 28, 2009 3:33 PM
I think Boner's name was actually Richard Stabbone. Mike suggested Boner as a new nickname because he thought it was "Dickie" was childish and that it was inappropriate for Boner's mom to be writing "Dickie" in Boner's underpants.
I don't recall whether the change in nickname resulted in any change to Mrs. Stabbone's underpants naming convention.
Posted by: Gentleman Farmer at July 28, 2009 3:34 PM
P.S. Damn, Kballs is CRANKY today!
Must've had your Surly-O's for breakfast, hey?
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 28, 2009 3:35 PM
That's not entirely true, Alice. Butters is a great neigborhood kid, and he really belongs on a list like this.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 3:37 PM
Also, I think "Bud" was actually named Kenny, Rudy just liked to call him Bud, so Bud it was.
Posted by: Gentleman Farmer at July 28, 2009 3:39 PM
George:
When was this? Yesterday?
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2009 3:40 PM
This list reveals that Dustin only watched shows from his "generation". I'm guessing Dustin is, what, 32-34 ? Seriously, Sixxz? Lame.
Dude, didn't ever watch "Leave it To Beaver" re-runs? Eddie Haskell is top of the list, in my view.
Posted by: Dude at July 28, 2009 3:41 PM
This list reveals that Dustin only watched shows from his "generation". I'm guessing Dustin is, what, 32-34 ? Seriously, Sixxz? Lame.
Dude, didn't you ever watch "Leave it To Beaver" re-runs? Eddie Haskell is top of the list, in my view.
Posted by: Dude at July 28, 2009 3:41 PM
No love for Topanga from Boy Meets World? Dustin, how can you not love Topanga? To not love Topanga is to not love things that are adorable. Do you hate adorable things, Dustin?
.....
That might explain the puppy-stomping.
Posted by: stardust savant at July 28, 2009 3:45 PM
AvB,
I couldn't sleep last night. No sleep = short temper. Short temper = eas---
NO I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING KETCHUP WITH THAT!!!
Idiot.
Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 3:45 PM
Stevie from Malcom in the Middle.
He.....
was....
so.....
freaking......
funny....
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 3:49 PM
I'm so confused by the header pic. Dustin, you're put off by anyone seeing Natalie Portman as an adult, and yet poor Danica gets strung up there looking like a 13 year old hooker?
Posted by: Cindy at July 28, 2009 3:49 PM
Nicole, I agree - Vinnie Delpino definitely should be on this list!
And every single damn time I hear "Dancing in the Street" on the radio I remember Carol and Boner dancing together at a lame high school dance.
Posted by: wooky at July 28, 2009 3:52 PM
PaddyDog: zing! Winner!
(Seriously, that was funny.)
Posted by: Sean at July 28, 2009 3:52 PM
*Imagines Danica and Natalie slowly, softly making out*
Holy shit.
Posted by: Kballs at July 28, 2009 3:53 PM
Ohhhh, I hear you SO MUCH, my friend. My co-workers and friends and family hate it when I don't sleep a night. There is a level of unholy to my bitch on those days.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 28, 2009 3:55 PM
Thirds on Krakow
Posted by: jack at July 28, 2009 3:58 PM
George, yes, I concede that Butters may be an excellent option for this list, but the primary four boys really aren't under any circumstances.
And the list focuses on shows that revolve around a single family/household and the kids who live across the street from the houses. South Park just doesn't have that kind of focus, making every kid and no kid the "kid from across the street."
Posted by: Alice at July 28, 2009 3:59 PM
It's great to see that Winnie has opted to put intellect ahead of sexual attractiveness in her quest to be a model for young girls....er, wait a minute....
Posted by: samantha t at July 28, 2009 4:07 PM
Yes, Winnie is smart AND gorgeous. One day she will rule the world!
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 4:13 PM
If you didn't like the Winnie picture, you are going to hate the Jenna Van Oy pictures. I'm going to need a bigger bunk.
Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 28, 2009 4:14 PM
Shut it, you fucking toddlers!
Posted by: Jay at July 28, 2009 4:24 PM
Ugly naked guy!
I'm sure he was an ugly naked kid at some point. We all were.
Posted by: Sofía at July 28, 2009 4:47 PM
PaddyDog - hilarious! I think it's adorable when George tries to pretend that he's in his thirties. You'll get there one day! Keep the dream alive!
Posted by: HB at July 28, 2009 4:49 PM
When Sir-Mix-A-Lot said, "36-24-36? Only if you're 5'3"." He was talking about Jenna Van Oy. Except she might be 38-24-38 at 5-feet. She's got a badonkadonkadonkadonk.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 28, 2009 4:53 PM
Definitely Krakow and Skippy!! List sucks.
Posted by: Amanda at July 28, 2009 5:03 PM
Eddie Haskell for the win!
On a lesser note, Roger from Sister Sister. C'mon, he even had a catch phrase - "Go home, Roger!"
Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at July 28, 2009 5:25 PM
PaddyDog, you win this round....
On a completely unrelated manner, how come no one's given props to the B.B. King solo yet? God, that man's genius. He practically invented modern lead guitar. He's jammed with Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton. I know this is only connected with him due to that clip, but it's still an excellent solo.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 5:31 PM
I've always imagined that Kimmie grew up to be one hell of a fucked up, bitter drug addict. I think she always secretly harbored a deep hatred for that bitch DJ who got all the attention and was the princess of the house, while Kimmie was the complete fucking weirdo that no one liked.
So she grew up, feeling desperately inadequate, couldn't make it into DJ's prime college and so dropped out of the community college she went to, started dealing drugs and cutting herself and writing bad music about hating princesses.
Bitch was fucked up, man.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 5:39 PM
When Sir-Mix-A-Lot said, "36-24-36? Only if you're 5'3"." He was talking about Jenna Van Oy. Except she might be 38-24-38 at 5-feet. She's got a badonkadonkadonkadonk.
YES. I was really confused when I saw her on The Parkers later, then I saw the outfits she was wearing...so, YES.
Posted by: Vermillion at July 28, 2009 5:43 PM
No love for Topanga from Boy Meets World? Dustin, how can you not love Topanga?
Can we just throw Danielle Fishel (who played Topanga) into TB's little lesbo-salad? That would make a mighty fine dish. Also, I would put Fishel's measurements up against Van Oy's anyday, TB. PLUS: DSL's.
Posted by: UnlessTheMoonFalls at July 28, 2009 5:48 PM
Duuuude Ugly Naked Guy!
Aww, look...ugly naked guy has a girlfriend!
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 5:49 PM
OK so he wasn't a kid, but still...
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 5:52 PM
Aww, I'd forgotten all about Six. Love her! My (short, brunette, extremely chatty) best friend was called Six for years when we were kids....
Thank you for not putting Urkel on this list. *shudder*
Posted by: meaux at July 28, 2009 6:01 PM
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.
Bud from the Cosby Show or Kenny.
Great! Fantastic.
Posted by: Warren J at July 28, 2009 6:22 PM
Eddie Haskell, 4sure.
But ... were Pinky and Leather Tuscadero an obvious oversight or just a wee bit too old to be "kids"?
+++
I mean it was garbage but there is a reason it lasted so long and is still talked about today.
Posted by: gilp at July 28, 2009 3:23 PM
So ... I wasn't the only one who saw the Olsen sluts in the Olsen twins?
+++
Also, I would put Fishel's measurements up against Van Oy's anyday, TB. PLUS: DSL's.
Posted by: UnlessTheMoonFalls at July 28, 2009 5:48 PM
---
Certainly in the later shows, when she ballooned to about a size Topanga Canyon.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 7:24 PM
is no one going to mention dudley from diff'rent strokes?
or does he have to almost get molested to register with you people?
(yeah, i said "you people"? wanna fight about it?)
Posted by: gp at July 28, 2009 8:43 PM
Okay, I'll give credit where it's due. George has a sense of humour. Thank Godtopus. I had doubted it for a while, but he's come through nicely. Well played my young man. Well played.
Posted by: PaddyDog at July 28, 2009 9:11 PM
I can see how you can pass up Artie from Adventures of Pete and Pete as he is a little too old, but can you not love Ellen Hickle, Big Pete's best friend.?!
Posted by: Jackseppelin at July 28, 2009 9:42 PM
Is wrong of me to fantasize of leg wrestling Winnie Cooper while she passionately whispers Archimedes' "Quadrature of the Parabola" in my ear?
Posted by: bleujayone at July 28, 2009 10:50 PM
figgy, I would totally agree with you about Kimmie's future, if it wasn't for the fact that Stephanie Tanner totally ended up that way. At least in real-life, where it isn't really funny.
Look at her, and then Judy on Full House. Maybe even Dana Plato, somehow. There is a recipe here, and it spells disaster.
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Posted by: william at July 29, 2009 5:39 AM
I forgot to come back and mention this yesterday, but Skippy's dad was my pediatrician. True Story.
Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 29, 2009 10:34 AM
Tracer Bullet, Vermillion: Jenna Von Oy is the stuff of fantasies... I actually started The Parkers just because I was flipping through the channels and happened to catch a sight of her backside; and that show was turrrible!
Posted by: Gnaius at July 29, 2009 10:59 AM
I love wonder years!! I keep hoping they'll finally bring it to dvd. That show always made me cry!
Posted by: apsutter at July 29, 2009 11:55 PM
No love for Skippy? C'mon. It's Skippy. We all had our inner Skippy, stalking someone else's inner Mallory.