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The 15 Most Embarrassing Post-Bond Roles For Bond Girls

By Josh Kurp | Seriously Random Lists | September 13, 2012 | Comments ()


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There's a belief in Hollywood that being a Bond Girl is not a good thing, that you're forever typecast as eye candy and will have trouble finding decent parts for the rest of your career. The evidence backing up this so-called curse is pretty strong, too: when was the last time you heard from Izabella Scorupco or Carole Bouquet? We hope for the best for Naomie Harris, who will play Eve in the upcoming Skyfall, but you never know. Below, we've put together a list of the most embarrassing post-James Bond film roles for 15 "main" Bond girls (by main, we mean that they're not just in a single scene, then die, but rather, they're Bond's main companion in their respective film).

We're pretty sure you can guess #1.

#15. Izabella Scorupco as Natalya Simonova (GoldenEye)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Reign of Fire

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#14. Maryam D'Abo as Kara Milovy (The Living Daylights)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Shootfighter: Fight to the Death

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#13. Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin (Tomorrow Never Dies)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

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#12. Jane Seymour as Solitaire (Live and Let Die)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell

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#11. Lois Chiles as Holly Goodhead (Moonraker)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Speed 2: Cruise Control

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#10. Denise Richards as Christmas Jones (The World Is Not Enough)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Madea's Witness Protection

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#9. Claudine Auger as Domino Derval (Thunderball)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Listen, Let's Make Love

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#8. Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight (The Man with the Golden Gun)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Satan's Mistress

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#7. Mie Hama as Kissy Suzuki (You Only Live Twice)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: King Kong Escapes

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#6. Barbara Bach as Anya Amasova (The Spy Who Loved Me)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Island of the Fishmen

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#5. Daniela Bianchi as Tatiana Romanova (From Russia with Love)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Operation Kid Brother

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#4. Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton (A View to a Kill)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Almost Pregnant

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#3. Maud Adams as Octopussy (Octopussy)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

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#2. Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder (Dr. No)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: The Mountain of the Cannibal God

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#1. Halle Berry as Jinx Johnson (Die Another Day)
Worst post-Bond Girl role: Catwoman

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • True_Blue

    #9 Bond girl looks like Kate Middleton.
    And I totally need to watch Satan's Mistress.

  • Jukxs

    I want to see King Kong Escapes. That image is badass.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    I have never seen it, but I don't see how a movie with the title
    The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell could possibly be bad.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    There is a movie called "Shootfighter"? That has got to be one of the dumbest titles I have ever heard.

    I do love the grammatical error on the "Satan's Mistress" poster.

  • Jezzer

    I will stabfight anyone who slams Reign of Fire. >:(

    Also, you can't really make fun of any of Lois Chiles' post-Bond decisions, when her Bond movie was fucking Moonraker.

  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Don't stabfight.
    Shootfight to the death!

  • Uh...Reign of Fire was the shit. Filmdrunk crew even agrees.

  • Endgame55

    Wrong.... "Mountain of the Cannibal God" is an awesome movie, dipshit.

  • I like the fact that there's a film called Island of the Fishmen. Why the fuck do they need an island? Surely that'd be one of the few advantages of being a fishman? Not needing an island; having the majority of the world to fuck about in? Plus I can't imagine that a fishman out of water would be that much of a threat. 'Oh, no! Here come the fishmen! Don't get in the water!'
    'I'm not... Actually I was just hanging out on this island...on the...dry land bit... With you.'
    'Oh yeah... Well, what if they get out?'
    'They have gills - so I'm pretty sure as long as we stay at least 3 metres away from the water's edge we'll be safe as they'll probably sooner suffocate than...whatever the fuck it is they would do if they got a hold of us. Eat? Rape? That weird fish mouth thing fish do when they're out of water and they're trying to breathe? That shit's disgusting. But guess what, bitch - it's all air up here!'
    Was this film made as a part of a series of neutered horror creatures? Was there a sequel?
    'World of Zombies', maybe? Literally everyone in the world's a zombie. So, ... yeah...not much happens. Oh well.
    'Jason in Solitary Confinement', perhaps? Jason Voorhees is in a maximum security prison, in solitary confinement, with no teenagers about.
    'The Pond of the Common House Cat!' The fish citizens of the pond are terrified, as a vicious predator stalks the water's edge, patiently waiting for one of them to accidentally fall up, and out of the pond, except that literally never happens so, yeah, fuck it, let's just watch the Island of the Fishmen.
    ...Jesus I need a drink.

  • BlackRabbit

    I'm amused that you didn't even put up a still of Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation. Why spare us?

  • Is it weird that I think it's not actually Halle Berry in that catwoman costume? Either that, or she was photoshopped to hell...

  • Ben

    Wait, I know nothing about King Kong escapes other hten the picture you posted has King Kong punching out Godzilla while Mecha King Kong watches in the background, and that looks like the greatest thing ever made.

  • blacksred

    i can't possibly be the only person who now wants to see Satan's Mistress and The Beach at the Threshold of Hell based on the posters. They look like awesome movies.

  • Radu Serbanescu

    reign of fire rulz.

  • Mitchell Hundred

    So for the King Kong movie, is that Mie Hama in the apebot suit, or is King Kong reaching down Godzilla's throat to get her out? You need to be clearer about this.

  • - Reign of Fire was awesome and a fine exit if that was the last film of her career.

    - Michelle Yeoh does not belong here - she had a great career BEFORE Bond.

    - I'm going to see that "Cannibal God" image in my sleep, I know it.

  • Ryan

    No way "Reign of Fire" is worse than "Vertical Limit". Scorp was in that too.

  • Utopian

    Reign of Fire is awesome. This has been established here before, right? I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS.

  • Maguita NYC

    Took the pills...

  • RilesSD

    Took the words...

  • ceebee_eebee

    Shit movies or not, Daniela Bianchi and Claudine Auger were SMOKIN' hot. Good lordy loo. Shame their acting talents didn't match their beauty. Alas.

  • Snath

    There's really a movie called Shootfighter? What the fucking fuck.

  • Aston

    The worst thing about it is that the subtitle isn't even "Shootfight to the Death"

  • Wicked

    Denton Van Zan: "Envy the country that has heroes, huh? I say pity the country that needs them." Come'on! How can you diss Reign of Fire over and over again?!

  • Has Eva Green established a new model for how to go forward? Look at Olga, getting all Malick-ed. Maybe a list of the best?

  • Frank247

    "
    Shootfighter: Fight to the Death"

    That's an actual film title?

    Why didn't they go with their original one, "The Killer Killer"?

    Or, the number 2 choice, "Film"?

  • Slim

    This list is infinitely helpful in insuring that any future daughters of mine might not be unfortunately monikered with something that might nudge them toward a career involving stripping, street-walking, Clooney-dating, or TLC-starring. Steer clear of Christmas, Kissy, Jinx, and Goodhead - got it.

  • Aww, c'mon. The world is crying out for more cute little Kissy Goodheads running around.

  • BWeaves

    You forgot "Pussy."

  • John W

    All I know is now I gotta see "Satan's Mistress".

  • Guest

    And then there was Eva Green, who warps this pattern hard.

  • littlelion

    I'd let Eva Green warp my pattern... HARD.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Joan Severance, Jeff Conaway and Tanya Roberts? I don't care how beautiful Joan Severance is (really, really) that movie must have skipped video and gone straight to 8 track.

  • Carlito

    Bond actresses? If you're cherry-picking only one
    worst role for each of the Bond girls, have you looked through the most
    embarrassing post-Bond roles for the actual Bonds? Having trouble
    finding decent roles for the rest of their careers applies to most
    everyone associated with these movies.

    Sean Connery - Highlander II: The Quickening
    George Lazenby - everything minus The Kentucky Fried Movie
    Roger Moore - Spice World, Boat Trip, or
    Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
    Timothy Dalton - The Beautician and the Beast
    Pierce Brosnan - I Don't Know How She Does It

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I firmly believe that Bond was the worst role Timothy Dalton ever played. Gods, that man was awful.

  • BWeaves

    ZARDOZ!

  • guns and red diapers all the way!

  • Snath

    THE PENIS IS EVIL

  • Gina
  • Four Eyes

    I'm going to have to protest this list. Reign of Fire was pretty damn decent and does NOT count as an embarrassment. Furthermore Michelle Yeoh should NOT be on this list. Tomb of the Dragon Emperor may have been a shitty role for her but she's still got a solid career.

  • MaryEllenMoffat

    Agreed. This article is a bit ridiculous. I doubt there has ever been an actor who did not have an embarrassing role.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Agree on Yeoh. She's excellent in every role she takes.

    Reign of Fire, OTOH. The best part of that movie was the re-telling of The Empire Strikes Back. The rest sucked.

  • Maguita NYC

    This.

    What is embarrassing though is Octopussy.
    I always think it a misleading conversation about Octomom's hooha.

  • Manny

    That is so wrong now I can't get the image out of my head, curse you!

  • ditto

  • BWeaves

    To be fair, Jane Seymour and Halle Berry have had pretty solid careers, even if they have made a few stinkers. Britt Eklund and Ursula Andress and Maud Adams haven't exactly been unknowns, either. The others, however, just aren't even on my radar as actresses.

  • Guest

    Michelle Yeoh's definitely on my radar.

  • Maguita NYC

    I was here to say exactly this!

    Michelle Yeoh is very big in China, had made many successful movies. She was dating that short Napoleon looking dude from Formula 1. I freely admit to absorbing too much gossip.

  • she's a well known and successful actress and was before Bond as well

  • Reign of Fire was the balls, Kurp. You need to check yo'self.

  • $27019454

    I thought Carole Bouquet was the most beautiful, and her character was emphatically not just eye candy.

  • Maguita NYC

    Carole Bouquet, after that role, had quite the lucrative acting and modeling career in Europe.

    She was Chanel's spokeswoman for a very long time as well.

  • The Other Agent Johnson

    Really I'm just here to say good lord, Barbara Bach brought the hotness with a vengeance. That is an underrated Bond woman right there.

  • Mrs. Julien

    And she lets Ringo Staff touch her.

  • Forbiddendonut

    List is broken in one place.

    If Izabella Scorupco's worst role is "Reign Of Fire", how is that possibly worse than Famke Janssen's role in the Ratnerfucked "X-Men: The Last Stand."

    "Reign Of Fire" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "X-Men: The Last Stand"

    That's not me talking. That's science.

  • Agree with this, especially the science. I was thinking this was Ms Scorupco's only other role, which makes me sad for her and want to comfort her.

  • I should think that Denise Richards' most embarassing post-bond role was Denise Richards.

  • emmelemm

    I thought it was going to be "being married to Charlie Sheen." Oh, I see someone has already mentioned this below.

  • Alyson McManus

    Thanfully Famke avoided this list. She is pretty awesome.

  • dizzylucy

    I'm pretty sure the correct answer to #10 is "Mrs. Charlie Sheen".

  • BWeaves

    Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

  • Tomb of the Dragon Emperor may have been a shitty role for her but she's still got a solid career...Ace16.com

  • Mrs. Julien

    #10. Denise Richards as Christmas Jones (The World Is Not Enough)
    Worst post-Bond Girl role: Madea’s Witness Protection MRS. CHARLIE SHEEN
    It was a horror movie.

  • Maguita NYC

    I thought that was actually her most profitable role...
    The other kind of gift that keeps on giving, that Charlie Sheen also gifts a woman with: Alimony.

  • BWeaves

    Yeah, That's what we're all thinking, apparently.

  • Oh, damn - you'd already done a similar, but better, Richards burn.

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