The 10-Step Guide to Planning a Wedding, According to TV
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The 10-Step Guide to Planning a Wedding, According to TV

By Nadia Chaudhury | Seriously Random Lists | July 2, 2014 | Comments ()


We’re currently in peak wedding season. I should know: I attended one last weekend, and I’m attending another this Saturday. Then the day after that one is MY one-year anniversary (you can send your checks to I’ve read my fair share of silly wedding magazines, but, truthfully, I could have learned all about wedding planning from TV.

1. Embrace the imperfections
Learn to roll with the tides and don’t freak out, like when Pam tore her veil and Jim cut his tie in solidarity on The Office. Don’t stress out. It’s seriously not that big of a deal, she says, now that she doesn’t have to worry about seating arrangements.

2. Keep open communications with your friends
Always let your friends tell you big news on your big day — otherwise, it’ll become a WHOLE THING with coverups and lies and sadness, like when Rachel hid her pregnancy during Monica and Chandler’s wedding on Friends. It gets messy.

3. Really know who you’re marrying
Because poor, poor Martha on The Americans sure as hell didn’t.

4. Spring for two weddings, one intimate and one for everyone else
It’ll make everyone happy. You’ll get your small, intimate, cozy ceremony with the people you truly know, like Marshall and Lily did outside their venue with Ted, Robin, and Barney. Then go inside make your Uncle Frank happy by walking down the aisle.

5. But don’t rush into an elopement/quickie wedding
As tempting as it is to just get it over with, don’t. Carla and Turk on Scrubs realized this the hard way when they were about to get married in the hospital chapel with an officiant who forgot her name.

6. Do try to throw a surprise wedding
The Xbox pancake of couples, Andy and April on Parks and Recreation, know what’s up. Also, surprise weddings>surprise parties, but surprise puppies>surprise weddings.

7. Wear what makes you happy
Follow your heart and wear the outfit that fills YOU with joy on what’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life. That’s a dealbreaker for Liz Lemon.

8. Make sure to get a killer band
Book someone like Mandonna, and you’ll have a Happy Endings.

9. After the wedding reception, the real party starts
After-parties are a must, especially after parent-approved ceremonies. That’s when things can really let loose like Lane and Zach’s booze and rock-filled party on Gilmore Girls.

10. And whatever you do, NEVER under no circumstances play any version “The Rains of Castamere” like on Game of Thrones.

For their first dance, Nadia Chaudhury’s newly-wedded husband arranged to play the beginning of “The Rains of Castamere” before their for-real first dance song. Only one person laughed. No one died. Happy one-year anniversary!

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Pat

    I love that you always manage to include Gilmore Girls in your lists.

  • duckandcover

    Fuck "The Rains of Castamere." If I have to walk down the aisle or into a reception, you can bet your ass I'm doing it to "The Imperial March" or "The Emperor's Theme."

    Also, the idea for my wedding will be $100 on a courthouse wedding (about what it costs here for the license) and the rest of the money will be for an at-home party with hand-selected guests. Small and cozy.

  • 11. Say the right name. Otherwise, your bride will escape out the bathroom window.

    --Signed, Ross Gellar, lover of weddings, engagements, and mostly terrible life choices

  • lozymandias

    I was wondering how much it would cost to get my friend to play 'The Rains of Castamere' before his first dance, but now I think I'll just bribe the band to do it instead.

  • Whatever it takes.

  • anikitty

    Step 1 (1 pm) Find out that your state is allowing same-sex marriage

    Step 2 (1:15 pm) Investigate what it takes to get married ($18 and a license)

    Step 3 (5 pm) Drive by the city-county building
    Step 4 (5:30) Go to gym
    Step 5 (6:30) Go to city-county building, stand in line for a few hours, and get married in your sweaty gym clothes

  • rio

    My friend just got married last month and their last dance of the night was to the notes of "The Rain of Castamere", I coulnd't have been more exited.
    They are still both alive.

  • Let's hope it can displace the Macarena or chicken dance as a wedding staple. So perfect.

  • BWeaves

    Don't give in to all the wedding hype.

    Wear clothes you can wear again.
    Have it at a relative's house, and only invite your immediate relatives and very, very close friends.
    Make it a pot luck and tell everyone that's their gift to you.
    Don't bother with a honeymoon. You're going to spend your time looking at the ceiling anyway.
    Save your money and put a downpayment on a nicer house.

    In the end, you're just as married as everyone else, with none of the stress and none of the debt.

  • But do not throw a surprise wedding and announce you're pregnant before telling your teenage son from your first marriage about either of these things ahead of time. I'm looking at you, Switched at Birth.

  • Also make sure that your friend doesn't randomly/accidentally invite your ex-wife without her permission?

  • Bert_McGurt

    After our wedding this year, the venue contact told us that the staff had two comments about our guests:

    1) They were one of the nicest groups they'd ever served.
    2) They drank WAAAY more whiskey than they'd ever seen before.

    Neither comment was surprising. Particularly the second one.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    "Only one person laughed."

    With me there, it would have been two.

  • Repo

    Don't frost your tips then shave your head in a panic. But I guess it led to that sweet fedora so all is well that ends well?

  • 11. Have a $600,000 budget despite working at a $30K a year job

  • PDamian

    12. Don't ask your guests to pay for your honeymoon. I went to a wedding and reception last year at which the best man went from table to table asking for donations to pay for the bride and groom's trip to Hawaii -- "and try and give more than $20.00, because they fly tonight and they're going to need the cash for the hotel." I had already shelled out a wad for a hotel stay in the city in which the wedding took place and a wedding gift, and I refused to give more. After a few rounds, the best man returned to the head table, and he AND the bride scoffed audibly at all the "tightwads" in attendance. I left early.

  • kdm

    There IS a way to do this without being a complete douche though. Friends of mine are getting married this summer, and have registered with a travel agency. According to the bride: "We have a house full of crap, so we don't need more. I don't want a shower, and if anyone gives us money, it'll go towards a honeymoon anyways."

  • This is what happens in Obama's America.

  • TK

    WHAT. That's nuts.

    Then again, I was once a in a wedding where I and the other groomsmen was asked to pay for and supply the booze at the reception.

  • bimboden

    Not to compete, but I went to a wedding in Big Sur - not cheap travel/accommodations unless you're literally camping - which was BYOB and also BYOFTD (Buy Your Own Food Truck Dinner). It sounds like a fun, informal time, but they didn't tell us we had to bring cash to the freakin Henry Miller Library for dinner so I had to BORROW MONEY AT THE WEDDING. I don't know. I still have a very bad taste in my mouth for that entire event, but I could just be a nightmare of a person and not realize it.

  • emmalita

    No. That's tacky. If you can't afford to feed your guests, tell them to bring money and apologize. I had friends get married after their wedding budget was eaten up by a medical emergency. The reception was potluck at the request of the bride and groom, the booze, wedding cake and flowers were all unrequested gifts from family and friends. They did not plan on a honeymoon, but were given that as a gift as well. It was a really fun wedding, because we all voluntarily chipped in to make it fun.

  • Repo

    Good lord, that's some tacky shit right there.

  • JustOP

    >post about weddings
    >with no inclusion of Scrubs

    For shame, Nadia. For shame!

    edit: disregard everything I have ever said in my life. That's what you get for trying to read, write something, feed a cat and for possessing the I.Q of a neanderthal.

  • Mrs. Julien


  • JustOP

    I just made an edit. Although, I was weirdly thinking of the Lady and the Janitor's.

  • shaunajdavidson

    as Thelma explained I cannot believe that a
    stay at home mom can make $7420 in four weeks on the internet . more info here R­e­x­1­0­.­C­O­M­

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