Ten Crossover Movies that Would Never Work
The Mighty Ducks vs Saw
The children find themselves locked to a zamboni slowly inching its way to the home goal chains on their arms stretching until they’ll be pulled loose. They can survive pluckily, if only they’re willing to cut off an appendage and shoot it for a goal.
Left Behind vs. Girls Gone Wild
See Kirk Cameron save as many drunken co-eds as they attempt to ravish his Mike Seaver ass while drunkenly exposing their post-op investment opportunities.
Beavis and Butthead Do The Accused
Jodie Foster lays drunkenly passed out on a pinball machine, but all the boys can do for two hours is giggle and make comments about balls on her back.
Blade vs. Twilight
Everyone figured Wesley Snipes would try to earn back street cred by dissecting teen vamps with his katana, but everyone was horrified when he got young Stewart, Fanning, and Pattinson hooked on the chronic, and the film was only shot with body doubles.
Dirty Harry Dies Hard with a Lethal Weapon
Finally we get to find out who truly is too old for this shit.
Back to the Future of Dr. Who
Michael J. Fox crashes the Delorean into the TARDIS and rips a hole in the space-time continuum.
The Bourne Toy Story
Young Jason tries to fight off a battalion of green army men bent on taking him in for government reprogramming by using a motley arsenal of toys as weapons: a pig, a cowboy, a slinky.
Boxing Helena Meets Chariots of Fire
A movie about an armless, legless woman in the 1924 Olympics who rolls … not to roll … but to prove something to the world.
The 40-Year-Old Virgin Mary
A reverent look at the dating life of the Mother of Jesus and her friends’ attempts to help her score.
Edward Scissorhands vs. Shine
After a nervous breakdown, an uncommonly gentle young man, who happens to have scissors for hands, returns to the piano, to popular if not critical acclaim.
Predator vs. The Beverly Hills Chihuahua
The first full-length feature film that tops out at less than 30 seconds.
Battlestar Galactica: The Office
A documentary about the mundane trials and tribulations of operating an intergalactic space cruiser.
Sex in the City of Swingers
Four aging cougars try to hook up with fat aged hipsters still talking about video hockey, beautiful babies, and swing dancing. Or you could just go to any West Hollywood bar.
Jay and Silent Bob vs. the Police Academy
Weed dealers extraordinoochie have to escape the wily members of the Metropolitan Police Academy.
Schindler’s List of Muppet Babies
Where was Sam the Eagle baby? Where was the Swedish Chef baby? Now we find out Nana’s dark secret.
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